One Year!

It's December first today, which means we have been living in our house for a year! Wahoo! After this, the longest we've ever lived somewhere is 6 months! I can't believe it's already been a year since we moved into this place. It certainly doesn't feel like it's been that long. Aden was only 9 months when we moved in here! And now he's nearly two years old! Crazy, I tell you.

Yep ... the longest we've ever lived somewhere before this is just 6 months. We lived in Richard's parents' basement for a few months before we moved into the condo, and we lived there for 6 months. After that, we had to move back in with our parents, and we lived seperately (sort of) for 3 months. From there, we moved into Jenn's place, and lived there for 2 or 3 months. Then in December of last year, we moved into this place.

Of course, with any luck, we won't be living here much longer. It's just not big enough for our needs. Two bedrooms, one bathroom (all downstairs), and a very small kitchen just doesn't suit our needs. I'm thrilled that we've lived in the same place for a year already, but I certainly hope we're not here for another one! The sad part is, we never even fully moved into this place. The walls aren't decorated, there are still boxes of things sitting out, and lots of things have never found their rightful place -- I guess there just isn't enough room for everything to found a home!

Anyway ... happy house anniversary to me!

Here's a photo of Aden when we first moved in here:



And here's Aden today!



Crazy how things change.

A Much-Needed Update

It's been a couple of weeks since I posted, so I figured an update couldn't hurt.


Work has been good -- I'm finally getting the hours I want/need, which is awesome. It's exhausting, but I love it. I need the money, and as awful as work sometimes is, I really do look forward to going. I've made lots of friends at work -- some who are even parents! -- which is such a relief! I really look forward to working with some people! Of course, there are other people I really can't stand working with, but luckily there aren't too many of them.

There is only one person who really makes me HATE working. She has only been there about a month, and she drives me up the wall. She is a WSL, which is somewhere between assistant managers and us lowly floor associates -- apparently this makes her think she is God's gift to Toys R Us, and boy, does she need to be pushed off her pedestal. She's got more attitude than any of the managers! She treats me like dirt and talks to me like I'm 12. The other day, I was talking to my friend at work about it, and the jerk went and passed it on to her. So she, of course, came to talk to me about it, and said "the only reason I'm harder on you is because you're on the floor. The cashiers don't have the same responsibilities. But you're doing a good job today!" I thought to myself FUCK YOU. She has only been there a month, and frankly, she doesn't know shit about her job -- I have been working for Toys R Us since before our store even opened, and I've been in that store since Day 1. I'm damn good at my job and I don't need that bitch to tell me so. In fact, on Thursday, when I know I'm working with her and the manager of Baby, I'm gonna have a lot of complaining to do. You see, I've heard my manager isn't a fan of little miss High-and-mighty either, so I know she listen to my complaints. And you see, little miss High-and mighty does not know how to follow rules, so I'm sure my manager will appreciate hearing all about it. Oh yes, I can be evil too ...


ANYWAY!

Aden is growing like a weed. He's only 4 months away from being 2 years old! I can hardly believe it. He knows so many words now. We have even had a few actual conversations in the last few weeks! I absolutely love hearing him talk. He goes on and on about Mickey Mouse, Donald and Goofy, he tells me when he wants to watch cartoons or he wants a snack. When he and Richard are taking me to work, he knows when he sees the mall that Mommy is going to leave, and before we've even reached the parking lot he goes "See ya! Buh-bye!". I laugh everytime.

And he is such a little comedian. He loves to do silly things that will make people laugh. Last night, we were driving with Hannah, and he points directly at her and goes "Grandpa." And he just kept telling us over and over that she was Grandpa. Hannah and I were just killing ourselves laughing. He is going to be a class clown for sure.

He loves so many things now too. He won't go to bed unless he has three things: Donald, froggy, and blankey. And when he wakes up in the morning, he has to carry all three of those things upstairs with him -- EVERY TIME. It's too cute. He also loves Gunther -- "Gah-go" as he calls him. He'll just lay with Gunther and drink his bottle in the morning, and he'll pet his head and back, and Gunther loves it.

Potty training is at a stand-still, but it's no big deal. I've decided we're going to get back into it by Christmas -- that's my goal. He'll be getting a big boy bed soon -- Paka is bringing one up from my Grandma's house, and we already have a single mattress for it. Before that time comes, I have to baby-proof Aden's room, and find a new spot for the boxes that have found a home in there. And then, I have to buy some bedding that he'll love to sleep in. I'm hoping he'll be in a big boy bed by 2010.


So, that's about it for my update. Hopefully I don't let it go for that long again.

That Time of Year

It's November 3rd, and I have realized in the last couple of days that I really hate November.

And here's why:

People get way too eager for the Christmas season, and the moment Halloween ends, it's like Christmas is coming any day. This year, while driving about on Halloween night, we saw TWO houses with their Christmas lights on! There were a couple houses that had lights on that went with their Halloween decor, but no ... these two houses were Christmas lights. The same lights they had up last year for Christmas. Seriously. On freaking Halloween. I know they weren't just up for Halloween, because driving home from work last night, we saw the same two houses with the lights on.

It makes me so mad! It's one thing to put your lights up this early ... since it's still nice out and you don't have to worry about ice on the roof or anything ... but to turn them on? That is just too much! It's November 3rd, for crying out loud! There are still leaves on the trees and there is no snow on the ground! It is NOT Christmas time yet!!

To make matters worse, I found out yesterday we'll be playing Christmas music at work starting mid-next week. As if I don't get in a bad enough mood on a busy day at work ... Christmas music is only going to make it that much worse. I really hate working retail at Christmas time ...

For me, Christmas stuff doesn't really start until December. That's when our lights go up, that's when the tree goes up, that's when the Christmas season begins. The only thing Christmas-related that should start sooner is shopping. That's IT. Come on, people!



Anyway ... here's Aden is his Halloween costume!

GO Donk!

I'm so proud of my baby sister.

I have been telling her for awhile now that she could be a model. Finally, she decided (with much coaxing from our auntie, and other people) that she maybe, just maybe, could be. So she went to Mode Models. She got an audition/interview-type thingie, and they liked her. She was nervous as heck, but it went well. A few weeks after that, they had her do a practice photo shoot. She said it went awesome and that they seemed to like her.

She was so eager, and couldn't wait to hear back. Today, she finally heard back.

My sister, ladies and gentlemen ... is going to be a model. They are signing her!!! I'm SO stoked!

So, you see, I'm super proud of Molly.

She has been really ... fretting her graduation. She graduates in June, and I think it's been getting to her. She is fearing it because she didn't really have any plans for what comes next. Some people have told her she has to figure it out, while I've been telling her there is no rush. I told her not to go to college for something she isn't positive she wants to do ... and to wait and go to college when she knows for sure. No point in wasting time and money just to find out that isn't what you want.

But modelling? Modelling she can do. It's so awesome that she has a goal, and even more awesome that she is fulfilling it ... before she even graduates! She still has plans to finish school, but now, when she is done, she can model! At least until she knows what she wants to do with her whole life. And heck ... if she wants to model for a long time, and does a damn good job at it ... well ... GO DONK!



Here is a picture of Molly, edited by yours truly.

Travel Systems

At work, we have a lot of travel systems. You know ... the stroller/infant seat combos. I think we have like 6, maybe 7, different ones.

Anyway ... the number of travel systems we have has nothing to do with this post.

In a regular shift at work, I see a lot of people pushing their baby around in a travel system. Often they have a little baby in there ... brand new, one month, two months old ... but other times ... they have an older baby in there -- we're talkin' seven, eight ... even nine months old.

I don't get it.

I understand the convenience of the travel systems ... that you can just click the carseat out of the car when your baby is sleeping, and just click them in the stroller, but ... to do that ALL the time just seems silly to me! A baby who's old enough to sit up on their own does not want to be strapped down in a laying position when they're going to be stuck that way for an hour or more while their parents shop! It just seems cruel to me! I don't think that lots of first-timers realize that you CAN use your stroller without the infant seat, even if your baby still has to ride in said infant seat in the car. The stroller DOES have a five-point harness, or whatever it's called, and it's just as safe for them to ride in -- and just as easy for them to sleep in, for that matter -- as the infant seat itself.

So silly ... but it really bugs me!

Sometimes, when I'm talking to parents and they say the baby riding in the travel system is 8 or 9 months, I just want to say "You know ... he'd probably be perfectly happy riding in just the stroller."

Do you think they'd find it rude? Hm ...

Aden's Bedroom

Since Richard is apparently too busy watching Spectacular Spiderman to talk about this with me, I'm blogging. Yes, Spectacular Spiderman is apparently much too important (even though I'VE even see this one before) to listen to what I have to say.

I'm on this new thing where I'm going to try (operative word here being "try") to clean something every day that I'm not working. Today, I tidied the living room -- something that needed desperately to happen. Tomorrow ... well, I won't be doing anything as we'll be out all day ... and Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday are all work days ... so uh ... on WEDNESDAY, I'll probably tackle the bathroom or something.

Aaaaaanyway ... rambling on, here. I plan on eventually getting Aden's room in a state that makes it possible to get a big boy bed. As of right now, his room is a war zone. There's his crib, his dresser, and his ball pit (the huge waste of space his dear Grandma got him for his birthday) ... and a bunch of other crap. There are boxes stacked up at the end of his bed, sheets on the floor that either have to be washed or put away, snow suits that have to go in the closet, and random other odds and ends ... just all in the way.

First, I'm going to wash the sheets that need to be washed, and put away the ones that are already clean. The snow suits will be put in the upstairs closet, since that is obviously the best place for them. The ball pit and balls will be staying put, because there is NO way it's coming upstairs and taking up more space than Aden's toys already need to be taking up. The box of books can stay put, because it's on top of a bin where he can reach them ... and it's too heavy to be of danger. The other boxes stacked at the end of his bed are a real challenge. I need to find a home for them, or a home for all of the things inside them. I can probably fit a few in his closet, and find a suitable home for the others -- there aren't a whole ton of them that would make the job impossible. THEN, I have to get something to anchor his dresser to the wall. We have anchor things at my work that are just like the ones you get sometimes with dressers -- we had one from either my dresser or Aden's dresser, and we just threw it out. We shouldn't have, because turns out Aden's dresser is easily toppleable. He pulls out the bottom three drawers (because he can't reach the first one), and the thing just wobbles. Yeah ... not exactly the kind of thing I want happening when he can easily get in and out of his own bed!

When all of that is said and done, we'll be (hopefully) getting Aden a big boy bed! He is 19 months now, and I think he's almost ready for one. While he still does have a tendency to get around in his sleep, he is pretty good at staying on his pillow at night and keeping his blanket on too -- he thinks it's really fun to lay on his pillow and pull his blanket up. So I think, provided there are no dangers to him being in his room alone, that he could do quite well with a big boy bed. As long as none of those boxes are there to topple over, and his dresser can't be pulled down, it's all good.

Hopefully I don't lose motivation. I don't want to have to wait until we get a 3-bedroom place with more storage -- at this rate, that could be forever -- in order for him to get to grow up.

Another Post About Baby Fevah

We finally got to meet our new niece today. She is SUCH an angel. She looks like a miniature version of her big sister ... just with lots more fuzzy hair! I held her as long as I could while we were over at Richard's parents' house for Thanksgiving dinner (oh, happy Thanksgiving, by the way!), and she just slept ... and when she wasn't sleeping, she was just staring at me.

GOD, SHE WAS CUTE.

Here is Olivia Mackenzie:

She's such a sweetie! Holding her made my baby fever come out in full force, though, of course. I cannot wait to get working on another one. Olivia is just so tiny and delicate and adorable. Soooo sweet ...

Oh, also, my brother Tom got married yesterday! It was a beautiful wedding, and everyone looked great. Here's Tom and his new wife, Trenna:

Baby Fever, No More!

Tonight, for the first time in a long time, I didn't have to deal with baby fever at work. AT ALL. I know, right? Shocking.

And do you know why I didn't have to deal with that B.S. tonight? Because today I got a wonderful phone call. You see, back in, oh ... August ... I got an appointment for a colposcopy booked ... for MARCH of 2010. Ever since hearing that I'd have to wait until March to find out what's wrong with me (and therefore avoid getting pregnant), my baby fever was getting worse and worse.

I told my doctor that I had to wait until March for the appointment ... and he suggested seeing if we could get an appointment with a specialist in another city ... where it would likely be less busy.

Today, that doctor's office called.

Now, instead of March, I have my colposcopy booked for the 27th ... of THIS MONTH!

So, depending on the results of said colposcopy, I could still be pregnant by 2010 ... which would be AWESOME. So, my night at work tonight was baby fever-free. It was pretty cool.

So now ... I just have to hope the results are okay and I don't have to postpone baby #2 further.

Don't Be Jealous ... Don't Be Jealous ...

Richard's sister, Jenn, had her second daughter on the 27th. Olivia Mackenzie is her name. I'm sure you know where I'm going with this already ... but I'll continue.

I was just looking at Jenn's album on facebook, of 99 photos of Olivia. She is precious. She looks a lot like her sister, Madison (who is going to be 2 in December), only with dark hair -- Madison had pretty much no hair at birth, and her hair is now very light blonde. Jenn and Chad have two very beautiful little girls.

Not gonna lie ... as happy as I am for them, I'm crazy jealous. Shocking, I know. They have two gorgeous girls, perfectly spaced age-wise ... and Jenn had such an easy birth, or so I hear. Only a few hours, no complications ... and she's up and about already. So there it is ... two reasons I'm jealous.

I'm doing my best to hide my jealousy, though. We have yet to go see the baby, since I had a cold a few days ago and Jenn is paranoid of that ... and now I have some sort of stomach bug, and of course we won't be visiting until that's gone -- I wouldn't appreciate someone with a stomach bug coming to see my newborn! I'm sure it'll be hard to go see her ... but at least we can go there often and I can fulfill my baby needs that way ... or something along those lines. Ha ha!

Baby Fever ... Once Again

So, in case you've been living under a rock, I have baby fever. Working where I do, it just gets worse, and worse, and worse. So many cute babies ... so many pregnant women ... it's HARD.

And, my suspicions were proved right the other day when I found out one of the assistant managers at my work is indeed pregnant. I was unsure before, and obviously was afraid to ask, since it would probably be an insult if someone said "Are you pregnant?" when you are not. But, I found out that she is, and that she is due around the end of January.

As if that wasn't bad enough (I like the girl, but I'm crazy jealous), I found out yesterday that another assistant manager on baby side is pregnant! She found out only the day before, and she'd be about 5 weeks along.

BABY FEVER STRIKES AGAIN.

The first assistant manager will be (hopefully) going on maternity leave in December ... and if the second one is right about how far along she is, she'll be going on leave around May. And lucky me, I get to watch them get bigger, and bigger, and bigger ... and then it will be inevitable that they both, at some point, will bring their new babies in to work to show them off. I hope I can keep my jealously well-hidden for quite a while now.

They call it "the curse of the baby department" -- everyone getting knocked up. Three of us younger girls already have little ones (Aden being the oldest), two of us are pregnant, and the rest are all teenagers and older ladies (and let's hope none of them get pregnant) -- aside from Twilla, a friend of mine at work. She is 21 and in a commited relationship with a guy I went on a date with once (but that is a whole different story). She has wicked baby fever. I would hope that she wouldn't TRY to get pregnant, because at this point in their relationship it probably wouldn't be a good choice, but if she did ... wow. I would be super happy for her, and jealous at the same time of course ... and I would probably laugh because of the whole "curse" thing.

Bah ... really, I'm happy for all these preggos, but man ... it doesn't make my baby fever any easier!

A Story

Once upon a time, when I was in kindergarten (I think), I built a birdhouse at school with my dad. I painted it yellow.

Several years later (probably a couple years ago now), my dad told me that when I showed my mom my birdhouse, she was mad that it was painted yellow instead of just stained. She asked my dad why he didn't tell me to stain it instead, and why he let me paint it yellow. My dad said "She wanted it to be yellow."

That's my favorite story. It makes me tear up whenever I think about it, and I really don't know why.

Schedule

Yesterday, when I got to work, the first thing I did was look at the new schedule. I was a little disappointed when I looked at it. For the remainder of this week, I worked yesterday, I work tonight, and I work tomorrow. On the next schedule, I work Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. For those doing the math, that's eight days in a row. Yeah.

There are a couple of reasons I am disappointed with said schedule. I like the amount of hours on there, so no complaints there, BUT ... it's still a lot of days in a row. I have been told, more than once, that if I'm working Saturday I will most likely not be working Sunday, and vice versa. This is the second time I have been scheduled both of those days in a row. It's a lot on my feet, and that's alright ... but what really bums me out is not being able to spend at least one of those two days with my family.

The second reason I am disappointed is because I requested Tuesday off. Yes, I requested it a few days late (we're supposed to request days off 2 weeks in advance, and I did it about 10 days in advance) ... but it's just a Tuesday after all. It's not as though I requested a weekend off or anything. Luckily I talked to the manager that does the schedule and he said he'd put someone else on for that evening, since I do have to take Aden for his shots, after all -- naturally I didn't mention the Bif Naked concert that evening ... heh heh. I knew they'd be understanding and fix it. So at least I have one of those 8 scheduled days off now.

Of course, that second reason has me a bit worried. When I requested that Tuesday off, I also requested Thanksgiving weekend off for Thomas and Trenna's wedding, and some time off around my birthday, because Richard wants to go to Vegreville for it again. I'm kind of worried that they are just ignoring time off requests now, especially after a co-worker of mine was not given one of her requested days off a little while ago! I certainly hope they give me those days ... because it's not as though I'm requesting time off for the heck of it. I would very much like to attend my brother's wedding (especially since we're already RSVP'ed "yes"!). I wouldn't mind having to work my birthday weekend, but I'd surely appreciate that weekend off too!

Here's hoping!

Halloween

So far, I've had a few ideas for Aden for Halloween this year. Ultimately, I think we'll just keep checking out Cater Tot until we find something suitable ... since there's no way in hell I'm buying a brand new costume from a store.

I got a brilliant idea this morning, though ... a definitely possibility for Halloween this year: Handy Manny. It's one of his favorite TV shows, and I think it's something we could easily put together.

For those who don't know, here is Handy Manny:

We could find him a plain red hat, like this one: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000K3LY5C/ref=asc_df_B000K3LY5C911373?smid=APCG45FOXJN54&tag=dealtmp1-20&linkCode=asn&creative=380341&creativeASIN=B000K3LY5C We could even get lucky and find one second hand, I bet.

Then, he could wear a green t-shirt (which I'm sure he has somewhere), or his Handy Manny iTalk t-shirt. I tried to find a picture of it, but I can't.

Obviously, any pair of jeans would work for it, so we're set there.

We could find some yellow gloves second hand too, I'm sure. Like he'd even keep them on anyway.

He's got a pair of brown boots he could probably wear, so that's good too.

Now for the tools ... hm ... It would be perfect if I could find this: http://www.shopping.com/xPO-Fisher-Price-Fisher-Price-Handy-Manny-s-Talkin-Tool-Box but we would have to see. I haven't seen them at work, but I could probably see if we had something similar. Obviously he wouldn't carry that around ... but it might work.

Just an idea. What does anyone think about that? Hm ...

Breastfeeding

I am not, nor have I ever been, the kind of person who thinks "breastfeed or die". That said, I do think that every mom should at least try. And when I say try, I mean actually try. I have so many mommy friends that say "Oh, breastfeeding just didn't work for us. We're doing formula now," when their baby is only a few weeks old. Really? That's not much of an attempt at trying to breastfeed!

Don't get me wrong. I have a ton of respect for all of my mommy friends, and at least they didn't all go straight to formula right from birth ... but STILL! It takes a lot more than a couple weeks, or a month, or even more than that, to really get the hang of breastfeeding ... at least for most of us. I know that as a whole, we are made to think that breastfeeding has to come naturally and that it does for all of us ... but let's face it, that's just not the case. But just because you aren't a breastfeeding expert right from day one (or two, or five, or ten, or thirty) doesn't mean you have failed and you need to switch to formula.

For us, I had no doubt in my mind that I would breastfeed. I knew all the good things about it, and I knew that doing the formula thing would be much too expensive for my liking. I was glad that breastfeeding went so well for our few days in the hospital. But it seemed like as soon as we got home, it stopped going well. It was so bad, in fact, that I started pumping for every feed. I didn't jump straight to that, though -- I did try to feed Aden, but it would get so painful I would cry and would have to stop. Then I would pump and feed him that way. But I still kept trying to feed him myself. Eventually, my nipples developed the callouse they needed, and I didn't have to pump for every feed anymore. We were finally successfully breastfeeding when Aden was about a month old, maybe even older. It was not a quick process ... but we did it. I really kept trying, and I didn't just give up at the first sign of a problem.

And that was not the last of our problems, either. When Aden was over 6 months old, and still spitting up a lot, we realized something wasn't right. After taking him to the doctor, the first possibility was a milk allergy. Uh-oh, time to give up breastfeeding, right? Wrong. The first thing I did was stop drinking milk or eating other things with lactose. Well ... I tried to, anyway. We did have to start supplementing with formula a lot at that time (nothing we were strangers too -- he sometimes had formula before that when he was babysat), because it was hard for me to stop drinking milk altogether! Eventually we learned that a milk allergy was not the problem, and we found out he had reflux. He had medicine for that for a few weeks and the problem was solved.

We ended up breastfeeding until Aden was about 10 months old. And, as I'm sure you've realized, we were not problem-free. While it did seem to come naturally to both me and Aden at first, it didn't stay that way. But I kept trying. It was so frustrating for that first month or so, but once we got the hang of it, I was glad I never gave up.

So I dunno ... it just really gets to me when friends of mine say "oh, it just isn't working for us" when their baby is still so young. At least they sort of tried in the first place, but really ... there are so many problems you can encounter in that first little while. It's not like the whole 6 months or 10 months or year you'll be breastfeeding will be that problematic. Yeah, some people do run into problems later on (like our whole possible lactose allergy), but the first month is by far the hardest. And it's not like breastfeeding is the only problem that comes up in the first month either. Your hormones are still on a rollercoaster, so it's not as though motherhood in general is the easiest thing in the first month ... and we still all get through that, because it's not like we can just give up motherhood. So why give up breastfeeding that quickly?

Bah .. I don't know, I guess I just don't get it. Like I said, at least those moms sort of try ... but to give up within the first month? It just doesn't seem like much of an attempt to me. I suppose if you weren't that into the idea in the first place, it's fine ... but if you really had your heart set on breastfeeding, and you give up only in the first few weeks ... I'm sure you see where I'm going with this ...

No Bus To Work For Me

Last week sometime, on the news, they talked about how employees at the new mall are unimpressed with their sad excuse for a transit system to get out there. As of right now, there are two bus routes: one comes to our town and has ONE stop here, and one stop in Calgary; the other has two stops in Calgary. That just isn't doing the trick, obviously. Apparently people are missing busses because they sometimes get delayed, or more importantly, the busses fill up and people have to wait at least an hour and a half for the next bus ... at which point they are generally late for work.

This morning, they had some semi-good news regarding that bus schedule: they are adding one bus. This is alright news ... but uh ... one bus just isn't going to do the trick.

This bus will most likely be another Calgary route, which makes sense, because Calgary is certainly a lot bigger than Airdrie, but ... why not add more busses? I'm sure a huge percentage of the mall's employees have to take the bus in ... so shouldn't the mall be willing to make it a lot easier for them? We're the ones working in the damn mall ... we have to get there somehow.

I would LOVE if they'd add another bus that comes to Airdrie. We need more than one stop here. Right now, the bus stops at Co-op -- that would be about a 40 minute walk for me. I could walk there, but the bus closest to my shift when I work at 5 comes at 3:45 ... and Richard isn't home until 3:40. So there is no time for him to drive me there when he gets home, nor is there time for me to walk there. If Aden wasn't a factor, obviously it would be a different story ... but with him involved, I can't just leave before Richard is home from work.

It would be perfect if they would change the exsisting Airdrie route and add another. They could have two stops. One centrally-located on the west side of town, and one centrally-located on the east side. Stopping at Co-op is stupid. Co-op, I should add, is almost as far south in Airdrie as you can get -- what about the people living in the south end??

FIX IT, damn mall!!

Wasted or Well-Accomplished?

I often feel torn with how I feel about the way my life has played out thus far. On one hand, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I am only twenty years old, I am not living with my parents, I am in a good relationship, and I damn near turned my life around in order to raise my son right. On the other hand, I feel like a failure. I'm twenty years old with an 18-month old son, my relationship sometimes really sucks, my house is a disaster, and I work at freaking Toys R Us. I'm quite sure it's normal to feel torn here -- hell, I'm sure there are very successful 30-something moms who are unsure about how they feel when it comes to the way their lives have gone!

I felt negatively about it a lot in the first few months of Aden's life ... but then I started to look at it from a more positive perspective, and I realized that I wasn't a complete failure. I realized I was a damn good stay-at-home mom, I was learning to cook, and I was doing my best to balance parenting, keeping my house looking decent, and being a good "wife". I have never been like a lot of moms my age ... who dump their kids on the grandparents and go get drunk. In that sense, I have always considered myself pretty accomplished. I could've been a huge screw-up like that, but I'm NOT.

Now, though, I find myself feeling like a failure more and more. All that has really changed is my working status (I went from a full-time stay-at-home to working evenings and weekends), and the state of my house (obviously when I'm working I don't have the energy to clean house all day the next day). But I don't know ... I feel like a screw-up again.

I think it has a lot to do with my job. I work at Toys R Us -- well, Babies R Us, to be specific -- and don't get me wrong, I love my job. BUT. The majority of the people I work with are teenagers ... which means, for the most part, they are not parents. And the people running the place -- the department managers, assistant managers, etc. -- are obviously used to being in charge of mostly teenagers. And even the ones who aren't teenagers are around my age, and also are not parents.

Anyway ... so people are quite surprised when they find out I am a mom. My availability comes in conversation, or me not working for 2.5 years, or something like that ... and conversation always goes something like this:

Co-worker: "Do/did you go to school or something?"
Me: "No, I stay/stayed home with my son."
Co-worker: "... Oh ... you have a son ...?"
Me: "Yeah."
Co-worker: "... Oh ... how old are you ...?"
Me: "Almost 21."
Co-worker: "... Oh ..."

It's always kind of an awkward conversation ... and I'm not really sure what's more surprising to people: the fact that I have a kid at home, or the fact that I'm almost 21! Yeah, yeah, I don't look my age ... I KNOW. It probably doesn't help that I'm surrounded my teenagers most of the time, so of course I look 16/17/18 years old like they do. But no ... I'm almost 21. So really, it's not THAT bad that I have an 18-month old!

So, the whole young mom thing makes me feel somewhat like I've failed ... especially when I'm helping a customer with something at work, and me having an 18-month old comes up in my whole advice speech. I'm sure 90% of those parents or grandparents look at me and assume I'm a teenage mom ... when in fact I'm not.

And another reason I feel like I've failed is the fact that I work at Toys R Us. I feel like at my age, I should be in college, or at least working a more "grown-up" job ... like a receptionist or something. Instead, I work where I work. I know, it's stupid, but that's just how I feel at times.

I mean ... I LOVE my job. I've said it many times before, and I'll say it many times again. I am one of the only people with a young kid who works in baby -- the other moms that work in there have grandkids in middle school! They have not had their own young children in a long time, so even though they can offer advice, it's not necessarily updated advice. Make sense? Having an 18-month old, I know what I'm talking about when it comes to everything from carseats to strollers to bottles to breastpumps. Hence, I rock at my job.

Bah ... I have to stop feeling negative. My job doesn't suck ... I'm good at it. Who cares if someone thinks it's not good enough? And I don't suck either ... I'm still a good mom, even though I'm working now, and even though I can't keep up with my housework. I'll figure all that out eventually.

Sometimes I'm so silly ... I'm no failure.

Why Do We Even Bother?

Just now, I was watching Rich Bride, Poor Bride -- or as I like to call it: Rich Bride, Even Richer Bride -- and of course the wedding topic came up between Richard and I. I don't know why we even bother to talk about it -- I don't think it's actually ever going to happen. Don't get me wrong ... I want it to happen ... I just don't think it will be worth all the fighting that is bound to happen in the planning process. Yeah, he claims I would be making the majority of the decisions ... but since money is a hot-button issue with us, arguing would no doubt be a big part of it.

He figures we'll budget about $5000. Yeah, whatever. I'm not making a budget now, since we have ZERO plans for a date or anything. I didn't argue it, of course ... no point in doing that. At least he's not giving me a completely outlandish number like $250 or something.

Anyway, while watching the show, they said how much their wedding planner cost. JOKINGLY, I said, "My wedding planner is free!", since Hannah will obviously be helping me with a lot of the planning stuff. Richard goes, "On a $5000 budget there's no point in a planner."

Cue eye rolling here.

"You can get a dress, we can get food ... " Blah, blah, blah. Yes, Richard, but there is still PLANNING. Planning a wedding does not just mean how and where you spend your money. You don't just throw people in a room and hope they find something to do. You have to PLAN out your night.

Then I had to go on to explain that I'm not in the market to HIRE a wedding planner. Hannah WANTS to be an event planner, and I will DIE OF STRESS if I have to plan the entire thing myself -- hence, Hannah will obviously help me with all of that. You know ... to ease the stress.

I guess Richard must see no stress in the wedding planning process. Whatever, buddy.

Yeah ... it's no wonder we haven't made any set plans for a wedding yet ...

Will it ever happen? I feel like it won't ... but I guess we'll see!

I DO Know What I'm Talking About

I love my job, and I love helping people who don't really know what they're looking for when it comes to strollers and whatnot ... and I really love when people trust what I'm saying, despite how young I look, and all that.

People don't straight up ask for someone else's help, like they did at Wal-mart on more than one occasion -- I worked in the Wal-mart fabric department when I was 17/18 and people doubted that I knew what I was talking about, since I was young -- but sometimes I can tell that they are not trusting what I am saying.

Take last night, for example.

I had a couple with a baby, who was probably around 6 months old, asking me about a set of Avent bottles. It was a "beginner" set -- a few bottles, a few nipples, and a steamer or something -- and they were confused as to why it only came with beginner nipples (the 0-6 month ones) instead of the next step up (6 months+, or whatever came next). I could not get it through their heads that because it's a beginner-type of set, it did not come with the next nipples, and I could not just swap it out for them.

I tried in several different ways to explain to them that they would have to buy the bigger nipples seperately, but they did not get it. I explained to them that typically the people that buy those beginner sets are people who are expecting their first baby, people who just had their first baby, or people buying a gift for someone who was expecting/just had a baby. TYPICALLY. They said "So people with older baby's don't buy them?" I said, "No, they do ... but usually it's people with newborns". These people were so damn dense!

Finally they got annoyed with me, and said "Thanks" in a very unappreciative manner so I would leave. I got the sense that they assumed I was BS-ing my way through my speech, even though I knew exactly what I was talking about -- Aden was 6 months once too, and he even used Avent bottles. In retrospect, I should've directed them towards the Nuby bottles, or something else that had more "grown up" nipples ... but whatever. Fuck 'em. They can go shop somewhere else and get assistance from an old boot who does BS her way through things like that.

Baby Fever Never Goes Away

Yes, I still have baby fever. Like crazy. And of course, my job doesn't help at all. Seeing all those great-looking pregnant women, new babies ... and the worst one: pregnant women with kids around Aden's age -- i.e, exactly what I want.

Just now, I found out on facebook that a friend from years ago is pregnant with her second baby. Her daughter is going to be a year old in December. This pregnant friend is just about 6 months younger than I am, or something like that ... so, about my age. I have a few friends in similar situations: My best friends from elementary school, who's daughter is a few months younger than Aden; Richard's sister, who has a 21-month old daughter and is due in 5 weeks ... and she is only 3 years older than I am; and there are a couple more, I'm sure.

I hate to say it, but I'm jealous of those friends. I don't know how many of those second children were actually planned ... since none of the first ones were ... but it doesn't matter. I'm jealous.

I'm doing my best to curb my baby fever, since there's nothing I can do about it until spring of next year ... and that's if whatever is wrong with me is not a huge issue. Sometimes, though, I want to just forget that something is wrong at all and just try for a baby anyway ... but I would never forgive myself if that baby wasn't healthy because of the problems I have going on ... I would be so selfish then, I think.

Ugh ... be patient, Kayla.


In other news ... my feet are KILLING me.

I'm too tired to think up a decent title ...

Yesterday was the most terrible shift at work in the world.

It started out alright. Jenn asked me to move some things from the back onto the floor. Alright, sounds good ... a bit of variety in my long 8-hour shift.

Well, I didn't make much progress with that. I moved a bunch of hangers out, a couple bath tubs, and a few toys ... and then I was shocked at how messy the baby department was. So I started tidying up. And then I realized how busy the store was ... and realized shortly thereafter that I was the only person on the floor in baby. GREAT. Not only were there a lot of people shopping in the store, but a ton of them wanted help with strollers/carseats/breast pumps or needed help with registries. I somehow managed to keep baby looking tidy and help most of those people ... but of course I got nothing moved out onto the floor.

Then, sometime shortly before close, maybe around 8:30 or so, I was headed to the front of the store to put something away that I found misplaced in baby. I walked by a dad cleaning something off of his shoes, and another girl I work with heading towards them with a mop and bucket. I got a whiff of something terrible, and assumed a kid had vomited.

Shit happens ... literally.

The kid had not vomitted. He had pooped ... right in the middle of the floor. I ran into a manager and she said the kid had "had an accident". How a kid manages to have an accident in the form of a pile on the floor AND his dad's shoes is beyond me. To make matters worse, another manager walked through the poo (yeah ... don't know how he didn't notice it) and left poo prints all the way to toddler. I'm just glad I didn't have to clean it ... I wanted to vomit just at the thought of it.

By the time the store closed, I was exhausted. And of course I worked with a bunch of lazy fucks yesterday and the store was a mess. So I spent what seemed like forever trying to make the boys' department look half-decent.

Literally forever.

I realized the store was suddenly very quiet. I went to the front and saw just the 3 managers going into the tower -- the tower overlooks the store and it's like the managers' office -- I knew something was wrong then. Awhile before that, I heard the one manager, Wyatt, go over the loudspeaker thing. He mumbles, and the store was still a mess, so I didn't think anything of it.

I peeked around the corner for awhile, and saw the managers walk out the door and start to close the gate to completely lock up. I ran to the front going "WYATT!!! WYATT!!!" I was so scared. Wyatt finally heard me and went "There's someone in there still!" So the managers all came back and were shocked to see me. I told them boys was still a mess, so I didn't think Wyatt had said it was time to go home.

They thanked me for caring and staying to clean it -- it was almost 10 o' clock. I got my stuff from the back, scanned myself out, and ran to the car ... and just bawled.

That whole ordeal resulted in a terrible night. I was so tired, and Richard was watching a movie in bed ... I couldn't stand the noise so he turned it off. I started to fall alseep and suddenly burst into tears -- don't even ask why ... I don't know. I went to blow my nose after that, since crying made it stuff up. I decided to head upstairs and watch some TV instead of going back to bed ... because there was no way I could sleep. It was already after midnight by that point.

I got comfy on the couch and turned on the TV really quiet. Everytime I started to fall asleep on the couch, I thought of what might have happened had I not went to the front of the store and seen the managers leaving. I was so freaked out I couldn't sleep.

After I got bored of watching TV, I went back to bed and played my DS for awhile. By the time I was ready to sleep, it was after 2 am. I only got 5 hours of sleep last night.

But you know what? I still like my job. I don't necessarily want to go back for another 8 hour shift today, but I still like it ....

I Misplaced My Libido

Yup, it's gone. Completely gone. I didn't have much of one before, but whatever I did have ... has disappeared completely.

I blame it on switching pills. I was on Alesse before, and started on Tri Cyclen Lo about two weeks ago, due to some other issues I was having. Well, thus far, those other issues have gone completely ... but this new issue has come up.

Of course there's an obvious solution: switch pills. But, I don't want to do that. At least not right now. Remember that abnormal pap I had last month, and how I have to see a specialist for it now? Well, turns out that specialist appointment is not until March. MARCH. So I don't want to be switching pills around a million times before then ... just in case my issues are pill-related.

Sure, I could always go off the pill completely, but ... well, that would just be a bad idea. I don't want to end up pregnant when it could be risky because of my "down there" issues!

It's just really quite irritating, this whole loss of libido thing. Here I am, taking a pill every day and spending money on it ... when I'm just becoming celibate anyway! If I wanted to be celibate, I wouldn't be on the damn pill! Kind of defeats the purpose, don't you think?

I'm so frustrated ...

Teen Burgers for MS

For today only, when you go to any A&W across Canada and get a teen burger, $1 from each one goes to the MS Society! So everyone, go get teen burgers! Lots of them!

For those who don't know, my step-mom has MS and recently she had to go on disability because she was unable to work any longer. It has been a hard fight for her, and obviously is not getting any better. Earlier this year, I participated in the MS Walk with my dad and sister, and they have been doing the walk themselves for many years. I'm sure they'll be having teen burgers for dinner tonight, and I hope I will be too.

For more information about A&W's Cruisin' For A Cause Day, and about MS and the MS Society of Canada, go to http://www.mssociety.ca/en/releases/nr_20090824.htm

Help with the fight against MS!

My Life Is Wearing Me Out

I love my new job. I really do. I get to help people with things I actually know about, and my job is really the perfect pace for me. It's just busy enough with people shopping for strollers and whatnot that I don't get overwhelmed with helping customers, and it's just quiet enough that I don't get bored and run out of work to do. It really is ideal, and the time never goes slowly.

However ...

It is wearing me out. Last week, the new store opened on Wedesday. I worked Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night, and an 8-hour shift on Saturday. I know it isn't a lot, but since I have not worked for over 2.5 years now, I am not used to that. Heck, even when I did work, I never worked as hard as I am now. I was a slacker before, and so far at this job, I have yet to slack off. Yes, I slow down towards the end of my shift, when my feet are hurting so bad I can't stand it ... but I power through and keep working.

Work alone is not the only thing tiring me out. It's my whole day-to-day life that is really tiring me out. If I could just come home from work at night, get a good full night of sleep, and stay in bed until after 8:30, I'd be fine. Obviously that is not the case. I come home and go straight to bed, since it's usually after 10 once I'm home, but do you think I can get right to sleep? Nope. My body is exhausted, but my mind is wide awake ... and sometimes my body is so sore I can't seen to get comfortable. And once I am asleep, it certainly isn't all night. As always, I wake up sometime between 2 am and 5 am, and I have serious issues getting back to sleep.

Then of course, Aden never sleeps in the morning after I have to work. Richard puts him to bed right at 8 when I'm at work, so he is easily up shortly after 7 on those mornings after. When I hear him wake up, I can't even force myself to open my eyes for more than two seconds. No way can I get out of bed as soon as he is awake. So I try to keep myself from falling back asleep -- I know, I can't get myself to sleep at night, and I can't get myself to stay awake in the morning ... makes no sense -- and boy, do I have to try hard. I roll over, turn on the TV to the weather channel, and force my eyes to stay open. I'm just glad Aden is not the kind of kid who just wakes up and cries until someone comes to get him -- he is perfectly okay to lay there and play with his animals and talk to himself for a good 30 to 45 minutes on good mornings. So it's alright if I can't get up when he'd like me too.

Some days, once we're up, it's not so bad. Aden is okay to play quietly by himself while I sit and relax.

Other days, things are not so calm.

Aden is starting the terrible twos a little early ... and boy, is it delightful. *Cue eye-rolling here. He spends his days climbing up on to the kitchen table, opening the drawers on Richard's toolbox (I swear, if he doesn't move that thing when he gets home from work today, someone's in trouble), and taking everything out. I go get him off of the table, distract him with something fun, and play with him. He then runs away and does it all over again. Oh yes ... it is so delightful. This whole scenario does not help with how tired I am feeling after an evening at work and a night with hardly any sleep. No, I do not want to spend my days taking Aden off the kitchen table every 5 minutes.

And of course my house is really suffering due to how worn out I am from just work and Aden. I am no longer doing dishes every day, and I am not about to ask Richard to do them while I'm working -- he does enough for me and he would not want me asking him to do dishes as well. My laundry is suffering severely, and my floors haven't been swept, mopped or vaccumed in ages. I just don't have the energy to get all of that done as well ... and it's really quite upsetting.

And NOW I'm trying to squeeze working out into all of this as well. I got EA Sports Active on Saturday and I started my 30-day challenge on Sunday. It is an excellent workout, and I really enjoy it, but it is not helping with the whole "worn out" thing. With Wii Fit, it would be fine to attempt to squeeze in a workout (and more importantly, to work up the energy to work out) ... because I could easily do it on my days off and not worry about wearing myself out before work. But with Active, in the 30-day challenge, I'm supposed to workout two days in a row, have a day off, work out two days in a row, have a day off, etc. I don't know how well that's going to go over when I have to work out on a day that I have to work as well ... I'm going to be exhausted.

Oy ... hopefully my body gets used to this before too long ... I don't want to feel so worn out all the time ...

It's Up To You

I really hate, when I'm in an online forum for moms/parents/preggos, when a mom-to-be asks "How should I feed my baby?". It is one of the most annoying things to read in one of those types of forums. Obviously there are good things about both formula-feeding and breast-feeding. Go read about it. It's not exactly hard to come across information about it. Google it, or buy a damn book and READ it.

Honestly, do they want someone else to decide for them? There are people out there who will criticise you for breastfeeding and people who will criticise you for formula feeding, and even people who will critcise you for doing both! I have said it before and I will say it a million more times: THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY.

It drives me bananas when moms-to-be get so stressed out about making that choice, and they get REALLY stressed out about the what-ifs too. What if my baby is lactose intolerant? What if he/she won't take my boob? What if I can't produce enough milk?

Here's your one answer: Just try whatever you want to do. If you want to try breastfeeding, try breastfeeding. If it doesn't work right off the bat, do not get upset or freak out because you can't do it right. Keep trying. If you don't want to keep trying, don't. Switch to formula. Or do both. And don't let anyone make you feel bad about the choice you've made. You're not going to hurt your child for doing it "the wrong way".

Seriously ... there is no need to get so stressed out about breastfeeding vs. formula-feeding. There are so many options out there. You don't need to decide RIGHT NOW.

Abnormal, and My New Job

My doctor called with the results of my pap the other day. Abnormal again. So I have to see a specialist. I'm scared, but I'm trying not to think of it. Doctor said it'll probably be in October or November.

The only thing I'm really concerned about -- well ... the thing I'm the most concerned about -- is how whatever is wrong with me will affect my ability to have more kids. I would hate if I couldn't have another child because of what's wrong with me or because of the treatment for whatever is wrong. I guess I would just have to be thankful that I at least have one kid.

Oh well ... we will see in a couple months what will have to happen ...


Anyway ... I started my job at Babies R Us yesterday!

I really liked it. It's quiet, so it's not too stressful ... but it's not SO quiet that I run out of things to do (like a couple of my previous jobs). It'll take some getting used to, being on my feet for awhile -- yesterday was only 5 hours, as is today and Monday, but it will take me a bit to get used to that again. And it was hard staying there until 10 ... and not getting home until 10:30-ish. But again, I'll get used to it.

The only negative thing about it is this: Seeing all those new babies and pregnant women all the time will NOT be good for my baby fever! It was hard seeing all those preggos yesterday ... and all the cute baby stuff ... yikes! But, I'll just have to deal with it. After all, I won't be getting pregnant anytime soon, with the whole abnormal thing again. Ugh ...

Oh well ... I am looking forward to working again tonight!

I Love Richard

Things have been really good lately. Like really good. I don't have anymore feelings of hatred towards Richard -- it's nothin' but love around here now!

Which leads me to this:

I REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE THAT SECOND BABY!!

No more doubts here ... now let's get a move on!

I Am Old

Yes, my dear handful of readers, I am old. Not actually ... but I feel that way.

Today, my youngest sister reminded me that it is time for me to start looking on the internet at grad dresses for her. I did the same for my middle sister when she graduated in 2008, and I found her a damn good dress -- of course Molly wants me to help her find one too!

This is Hannah in her grad dress -- I did a good job.

It's gonna be super fun to look for Molly's dress. She has great style, and really stands out from the crowd in her small town. Not only that, but she's like five foot ten and skinny enough that anything works on her. Yeah, I'm gonna have fun with this one.

But still, I feel old. I graduated in 2006. Molly is starting to look for her grad dress, and she'll be graduating in 2010. I can't believe it's already gonna be 2010 and she'll be graduating. Before I know it, it'll be 2016 and my little brother will be graduating. Then, it'll be 2026 and it'll be Aden's turn! Oh my gosh ... it's going too fast ...

I'm so pathetic ...

Storm Damage

There was a very scary storm on Sunday night/Monday morning here. Our town got hit very hard, but my mom's town (about 25 minutes north of here) got hit much worse. It is not a big town, but there is millions of dollars in damage.

I thought I'd share some of her photos of the damage to her house and her neighbors' houses.

This is the damage to my mom's flowerbed. This is nothing compared to the rest of the damage.

Mom's potato patch. These plants were over 3 feet high.

The veggie patch. Now get ready for some real damage ...

The window on the garage. Apparently this is what all of the houses in town look like now!

The side of the garage, and a drift of hail 18 hours later.

The side of the house.

The damage to a neighbor's house and gazebo.

Mom's greenhouse and the neighbor's stuff again.

The other neighbor's gazebo.

Scary.

Hard Times

Things have been financially difficult for awhile, but this last little bit of living off one income is even worse. With Richard's most recent paycheck, he made about $200 less than we've been used to, since there is no overtime at work anymore, and they're being forced to take some days off with no pay. He was able to pay rent (not without reloaning A LOT), but that's it. We could get a few grocery-type things, but nothing to live off of. I can list everything we have to make dinner right now: 2 steaks, 2 pounds of beef, Aden's chicken nuggets, a very small amount of veggies, and some Hamburger Helper. How that will last until Richard's next paycheck on the 14th, I have no idea. Yes, we have definitely fallen on hard times.

Thank GOD I start work soon. My orientation is on the 10th (next Monday), and from there, I'll get my work schedule. I don't know how long it will be before I'm paid, but hopefully we don't have to wait for too long. We need it. I know my part-time paychecks won't help a ton, but I just want to take some of the stresses off Richard's back. I'll help him pay the other bills so they don't stack up, and hopefully that'll free up some of his money so we can afford groceries more often, and not have to reloan much, if any. It might be asking a lot, but we can hope.

Of course, I'll want to treat myself a bit when I get paid too, but we'll have to see how much money is left once I help out around here. I want to treat myself to some new clothes -- all of my newer clothes are things I bought 10 pounds ago, and all of the things that fit well are things I bought nearly 3 years ago! Time for an update. I also want to go on a "date", but we'll see. AND I'm going to buy Aden a potty. Hopefully there will be some room for that stuff.

Today

Today is the start of the long weekend, and it's also the last day of July. It's insane to me that it's already the last day of July 2009. While it's been a relatively non-boring summer, it feels like we haven't done much. Sure, we agreed that we'd do more in August, and possibly even more in September ... but it still feels as though the summer's gotten away from me already. It might have something to do with the fact that all of the summer clearance sales are starting already ... even though there is still another month of summer temperatures ... and if this year is anything like last year, another two months! Guess it's a good time to buy summer clothes -- if only I had any money!

Anyway ...

Another reason I'm feeling like we haven't done much is this: My family is in Kamloops this weekend and we are not. I'm super bummed by this, as much as I try not to be, and as much as I try to convince myself that I'm not. But truth be told, I AM.

They're out there seeing my auntie and uncle and cousins in their new house. I know it's harder for me to go on family trips now, since it's not just ME anyone and obviously 2x the luggage PLUS a carseat and small child take up a LOT of room ... but man. Harsh. What really makes it so sucky is the fact that they went to visit them two summers ago as well ... and guess what: I was left out of that trip as well. Granted, I wasn't really on speaking terms with my family then, as I was preggo and did not know it yet ... but still. They could've tried harder to include Aden and I this time around. I haven't seen my auntie since the summer after my graduation ... THREE YEARS AGO.

It's not fair. Call me a big baby, but whatever. It's not.

So because of all my bummed-ness, I really wish Richard, Aden and I could do something fun this weekend ... since it's a long weekend and all. Buuuuuut that ain't gonna happen. BUMMER. UGH.

I can't wait until I start getting paid and we'll be more likely to have money for recreation-type things ...

One of the Worst Parts of Motherhood

I really hate seeing Aden in pain. Especially when it's something I can't fix. It's so hard seeing him cry and scream, all inconsolably ... and there isn't much in my power to fix it. I do all I can, and he's still hurting ... and I'm out of ideas. It's awful.

Today, I discovered Aden's one-year molars are breaking through. He got up from a nap, and he was PISSED. We changed his bum, gave him cold juice, took his shirt off to cool him down (it's a good 30 degrees in here) ... and nothing helped. He was screaming and crying and rolling around on the floor ... it was so awful to watch. He's not normally a whiney kid, so we knew something must be wrong. We did not, however, know what it was.

Richard picked Aden up, and he spotted Richard's tape measure on the shelf. He wanted it, so, because he was so upset, Richard gave it to him. Aden started gnawing on it immediately. Richard pointed out that that wasn't something necessarily normal for him, so I felt around in his mouth. I knew he had a front tooth pop through a few days ago, but that shouldn't be bugging him anymore.

Sure enough, two little points in the back of his mouth told me his one-year molars were coming out. GREAT. We gave him a teether that was still in the freezer from the last teeth, but since it really only reaches the front ones, it didn't help. We served him dinner as usual, but he wouldn't eat it. No way. I gave him a different teether from the fridge, and it reached further back, but he still didn't want it.

I tossed some of his longer spoons in the freezer, and have some yogurts ready to be frozen with spoons in them (like a popsicle) ... but those won't be ready until tomorrow. Tonight, nothing we could do really helped. We gave him some Tylenol ... but that is all we can do.

Bed time was the worst. After giving him that Tylenol, I laid him in bed, gave him his water, gave him a kiss ... and he was just bawling and reaching out to me. I tried to comfort him without picking him up, but nope, he didn't want that. He just bawled and bawled, and my heart just broke and broke. I hate when he cries. It's the worst when there's nothing I can do to help. After turning our backs on him and turning out his light and stuff, I just ... cried. I wish I could help.

And THAT is one of the hardest parts of motherhood.

A Video

Here's Aden. First he's reading a book, then he runs off and does Aden things.



Enjoy!

No Kamloops For Us

I was so excited for the weekend of July 31st to August 4th. Aden and I were going to my Auntie's new house in Kamloops with my mom and siblings. My mom was going to rent a van so we could all go. I was really looking forward to it, because I haven't seen my Auntie for 3 years, and Aden has yet to meet that leg of my family. So yeah, it wasn't something to look forward to.

Turns out my mom couldn't find any 6-passenger vehicle to rent. None.

And of course Richard won't take his car for a 7+ hour drive. His car seems to develop new problems every time we go on any kind of long-ish trip. That, and he doesn't insurance. Oh, AND there's the fact that there's no way we can afford gas for a drive that long. So yeah ... no way his car is going that far away.

So now, we have to be stuck at home for the entire long weekend with grumpy ol' Richard. Either that or he'll make us go on one of two trips with people that I will never EVER go anywhere with ... people that I can't even stand for more than a half hour. Yeah ... either way, it will not be a fun long weekend ...

Working Stiff

I had an interview at Toys R Us today. Babies R Us to be more specific.

And you know what?

I GOT THE JOB.

Hell yeah.

Orientation is on August 10th and the store opens on the 19th. I'm so excited.

I'm gonna be so awesome at this job.

You had a bad day, the camera don't lie

Today was the worst day I've had in a long time.

I tried to send Richard a text this morning, and it didn't go through. Great. Our phones have been cut off. I don't know if Richard didn't get a warning, but if he did, he didn't pass it on to me. It's kind of a bummer because we don't have a house phone ... so without cell phones, all we have is facebook. And obviously I can only check that if I'm at home ... so when I go away this weekend, we're outta luck.

Later, I'm lying on the couch, exhausted from the heat and the already long day, and Aden is looking out the back window at Gunther, who's tied up outside. Suddenly he gets scared and runs to me. So I look out the window to see if he was actually afraid of anything. What I saw made me VERY mad. First, I noticed the back gate is wide open. Then, I can't see Gunther. I immediately think someone has come in our back yard to untie him -- it's happened before. My eyes follow the string he gets attached to, and I see him sitting in the doorway of the wide open gate. I just didn't see him because of the bright sun. What I noticed next really pissed me off.

My bike is GONE. We bought a brand new seat for it yesterday (and not the cheapest seat in the store) and Richard was in the midst of fixing it. And now it's gone. I'm so mad.

When Richard got home from work, he said he talked to his mom and she said one of two of my baby cheques had come in the mail. Finally something good.

Or so I thought.

We went over to his mom's house a bit later, and I'm very disappointed by my cheque. The first cheque I get in a month is the one we've called "the big cheque" in the past. Well, it's not so big anymore. Previously, I would get around $360 in total. Now it's down to a whopping $185 a month. Yet another disappointment in my day. We would use every penny of that $360 in most months ... now we have a little over half of that to work with. And of course, had this cheque been as big as it used to be, I was going to give Richard some money to get our phones turned back on -- now who knows how long it's going to be before we have cell service again.

I have an interview at Toys R Us tomorrow ... and I'm just praying that it goes well so things can start to look up for us, even just a little.

Aden's First Camping Trip

On Thursday the 16th, we took Aden on his first camping trip. I was looking forward to it, mainly because it was Aden's first -- I am not a fan of camping, especially when it's in a tent.

When we arrived at the campground, there were NO spots available. It was a little surprising, considering we went on a Thursday! The lady in charge gave us a list of people that could be leaving that day, and told us to go talk to them, so we did. After wandering around the campground for awhile, we found a couple who was leaving in a few hours. Lucky us! It was the "few hours" part that wasn't so exciting. But, we decided to play at the river that was only steps away from the site we would get. Aden loved it.

Between getting our site and going to bed, a lot of fighting ensued ... but I'm not going to make this about that. I'll blame the fight on a few too many beers on Richard's behalf, and leave it at that.

When it came time to go to bed, I wasn't looking forward to it. Richard, Aden and I would all be sleeping on one air mattress in the tent. Aden does not typically sleep well when he has to share a room, let alone a bed, with someone else. But, it didn't take long for him to go to sleep. And aside from getting cold a couple times in the night (which was surprising, since he was in fleece jammies) he slept well all night.

When he woke up at 6:15 the next morning, he looked around and said "wow!" He was fascinated by the tent.

Overall, it was a good trip. Aden enjoyed it all: playing in the river, eating the food, running around outside, and even getting his butt changed outside! Hopefully we'll get a chance to go again this summer.

Here's some pictures from the trip:

We let Aden sit with us when driving to the campground store, and he loved it. Later on, Richard let him actually steer ... and needless to say, I was terrified.

Aden's first dip in the river. It was freezing cold and he didn't even seem to notice!

After we put his lifejacket on so they could go a little deeper.

Having fun.

"Helping" daddy set up the tent.

Pigging out.

Playing with his new ball at the playground.

Going for an evening dip in the river with daddy.

Cold water!

My favorite picture.

Funny face

He had so much fun in the water.

Enjoy!

Once In Awhile ...

Sometimes, I miss my old life. It's rare, but it happens.

Like tonight. I saw my best friend's facebook status say: [Friend's Name] is having her first dinner party tonight! Of course I immediately assume that said dinner party will be with my ex-friends, who are still her friends. And I don't know why, but that made me a little bit sad.

If I had friends, it would be so awesome to have a dinner party. Or, better yet, if I was still friends was those friends, it would be so awesome to attend that dinner party. I don't think my issue is really that I miss those friends, because they really are huge jerks now, I just miss ... having friends in general, I think, and being able to socialize and stuff. I mean, I sometimes miss those friends ... the way they were in high school, before I got pregnant. By the sounds of it, they're all huge jerks who are very ... high and mighty and proud of their "accomplishments" ... so I know we wouldn't get along anymore.

Anyway, I guess I'll just have to be a non-dinner-party-going, internet-friends-only, stay-at-home mom shut-in ... ah, well.


While we're on the topic of missing things ...

For one reason or another, the city we live in is pretty much falling apart. On purpose, of course, but still ...

First, they tore down a bar in town that has a huge place in the past for Richard and I. I think they tore it down last summer and I still get a little emotional driving past it. They tore it down so they could built low-budget housing, or whatever. A year later and they still haven't even levelled the area yet. Stupid city ...

That bar has a lot of memories for Richard and I. We started going there on weekends for $2 hi-balls, which resulted in a lot of drunken nights together. Some of them I can't remember, but a lot of them I can. Like they were yesterday. Obviously I don't miss those drunken nights, but we'll never be able to point out that bar to Aden and say "Mom and Dad used to go there all the time!" or whatever. 10 years down the road, I bet it will still be an empty area that they tore down for nothing -- oh, I should add that the building was almost 100 years old -- and we'll have to say "Mom and Dad used to go there ... before it was a bunch of rocks and dirt ...".

After that, they tore down another bar that has an even bigger place in our past! Essentially, it's the place where Richard and I met. We had seen each other working at Wal-mart, but this other bar is the first place we talked. It's the first bar I went to when I turned 18, even ... and even before I met Richard I made a LOT of good memories there. A lot of bad memories too, but still ... memories I'll never ever forget! And now ... they're rubble. Sad ...

Most recently, they tore down the "rat hole". It was an overpass/underpass going from this side of town to the west side. It doesn't hold a whole lot of memories, but there is still one there. It was one of many drunken nights with Richard; we were at a bar that we now live near -- at the time we lived on the west side. We walked under the rat hole, which wouldn't have been safe at a busy time of day, but seeing as how it was around 1 am, we were okay. It was a very long walk home, I'm sure, but it was very memorable, despite the amount of liquor in us.

So, it's depressing that the city is just ... tearing down all of my memories ... OUR memories.


Ugh ... stupid ... remembering stuff ...

My Job

Richard is having one of those days where he's just irritated at the messy state of our house. I hate these days, because he puts all of the blame on me (whether it's my fault or not), and it just ruins the entire day.

And then he starts cleaning ... which generally means he yells at me while he throws things out. I find it really insulting, for many reasons.

He blames me for the entire mess, which is really insulting because I'm not the one to blame for all of it. For example, he blames me for the three newspapers sitting on the kitchen table. Yes, I put them there, but only after I asked him if he wanted to look at them, and he responded with "later". Of course I took that to mean that he'd look at them later so I should not throw them out. Can I really be blamed for that one? I don't think so.

It's also really insulting because the things he's attempting to take care of are jobs I should be doing. Sure, they're not always jobs I get done (clearly, or he wouldn't be complaining about the mess), but still ... he's not the one I expect to do these things. And, it's not like I do nothing all the time. He doesn't really notice what I do get done, which is really irritating. He just notices when I don't get all of the dishes washed, or when the laundry isn't done twice a freaking day, or when our house is not spotless. Sorry, dear Richard, but there is only so much I can get done in 2-3 hours of total naptime during the day. Honestly, I probably could get a bit more done, but our house still won't be spotless by any means.

And it really doesn't help that when he's home on the weekends, we seem to busy to get anything done at all around the house ... so things like dishes just add up, you know? He doesn't seem to understand that I can't very well do dishes AND do laundry AND go run around outside with him and Aden AND go here and there all weekend. I'm only one person!

Also, during Aden's longer 2-hour nap, I can only do so much. First things first, it's dishes. So that's one thing, but then sometimes I want to do something for ME. I'll play Wii Fit for 20 minutes or I'll shower ... which means I obviously can't do chores for those 20 minutes. Is it so wrong for me to get in shape or get clean? I didn't think so, but I guess I might be wrong.

Sorry if my house is such a mess, but really ... there are sometimes just more important things. It's still my job to do, and I know it. I'm working on it, but it doesn't help that Richard has to insult me about it all the time.