Better

I can't believe I couldn't think to mention my possible promotion when I was trying to figure out what to blog about yesterday!!

I've been thinking for awhile that I could really be WSL for my department at work. WSL = World Sales Leader, which is pretty much a supervisor ..or sort of a buffer between customers as well as floor people, and assistant managers. They have more responsibilities and more say in what goes on. I can totally do that.

I've been thinking about it at least since Christmas season started, and then it became even more apparent after the baby manager left, leaving us with just a (shitty) assistant manager, and no one to help us out when just the (shitty) assistant manager was away. I started thinking that I could really do it, I just had to get up the courage to ask about it.

Finally last week I got balls.

I went to the manager who is in charger of stuff like that, and said to her that I think we need a WSL, and she agreed and said I would be great for it. *beam*

She said she has seen me grow and get better and all this stuff that I'm so glad she noticed. I told her I know the baby assistant manager would be so against me getting it, but luckily she feels the same way I do about the baby manager, and said she really has no say.

I asked her to make me a list of stuff I can improve on, and she said she would.

I talked to her a couple days later and she told me she had talked to the head manager of the store, and he said he thought it was a good idea too, and se can prep me for it. Yay!

She made me a list with only a few things I need to improve - easy.

So I feel like at the end of February, when the big interview will happen, WSL will be all mine. :)



Also, I feel like a huge bitch. Tyler is being so sweet and thoughtful, as usual, and I just can't stop being selfish and bitchy. Couldn't tell you why, I just...am. I don't want to lose him...but if I keep unintentionally making him feel not-so-good, that's exactly what will happen. I love him do much...if I lose him over something I don't mean, it will be all my fault, and I'll have lost the best thing that's ever happened to me, as far as men go.

We're supposed to be (I think) getting a bigger place, which means Aden will get his own room...FINALLY...but even though Tyler said he wants it, I get the feeling he isn't so sure.



So things overall are getting better, and I really hope Tyler and I can shake whatever it is we have going on here...

Slow

This year has gotten off to a really slow start. It's only the 10th and I feel like it should be much later than that. It probably has something to do with only working like three days a week instead of six or seven. It's not a lot but I'll take it for now...I needed the break.

It finally feels like winter today. We've only had a few days that have felt the way they should...and today isn't as cold as this time of year should be but it's certainly colder than the 10 we got up to yesterday and the 11 the days before. In fact it's like 20 degrees colder...brr!

It's been a tough past couple days. I spent Sunday night crying in Tyler's arms over the whole year-since-the-abortion thing. I don't really know why I was crying...I guess it was just hard to think about. He said to try and focus on the future instead of the past...but it's not always that easy. I just tried to think about how different things would be now if I hadnt made that choice.

I would probably be miserable with Richard. I can't guarantee that he would've changed like he has because we had a kid together. I sure feel like he wouldn't. I would probably still be in counseling. I would have probably still met Tyler again, but he would have never been that interested in someone with TWO kids, even though he was pretty intoxicated when we met.

In the end, I still believe I made the best choice for everyone. No doubt in my mind.

Goodbye, 2011

I realize this post is a little late, but better late than never, right? I have decided to try and use my weekly bus rides for Aden time wisely, and I'll blog. Hopefully it works out!

Things are still going pretty well. I started to get a little stressed as Christmas got closer, because I working so often, I didn't have time to clean a lot...I was doing all my Christmas shopping on my breaks! But now all that is over and I can focus on life.

I'm trying to get into a better routine for being a better live-in girlfriend. I've realized that moving in with someone is a lot different than getting a place with someone. This way, the moving in way, I feel like I have to do things his way....even though I know that's not true, and as long as things are clean and whatever it shouldn't matter.

Anyway, I would like to bid adieu to 2011. No more updating for right now...just a bittersweet goodbye.

The year was tough, as anyone reading this would realize.

It started out with me pregnant, more depressed than ever, and very much alone. I was about to get fired, I was not seeing Aden, and I was very scared. January was, though I didn't know it yet, the start of major improvements.

About a year ago exactly (I think on the 8th or 9th) I got the abortion. I will never forget and I will always think of the one I let go of. Sometimes I get emotional thinking about it, but I try not to regret. I am convinced that I will be blessed with that same soul later in life. I know that sounds cheesy, but that's always how I've felt.

Spring was a blur. It was filled with court dates, waiting for counseling, and lots of stress. I got a job I hated and that didn't help with the depression. It was spring, but winter seemed to last until May. It was sheer misery.

May seemed to be a turn around point for me. I quit my job and went back to the only one I ever really loved: Toys R Us. I was not working close to home but I was in the city and that alone seemed to be a huge improvement.

Time with Aden became more frequent as court dates went on. It helped my depression a lot just to have my child around me more often. I will never again go back to what it was before that. Ever.

At the end of July I met Tyler again. I was probably at my highest point I had been at all year, and I'm certain that my amazing attitude has something to do with our immediate attraction. We clicked right away, and I could practically feel good things for the future.

My court dates ended soon after that. That felt like a huge win for me. Things were finally going in my favor!

Tyler and I made things official on August 27th. I'm not much for remembering dates, but he did, and now it's in my brain for good. It felt nothing but right, despite the way Richard looked at it.

I won't deny that Richard was a huge part of 2011. He was. I won't ever forget how he was there for me, to fix all the things he had a hand in ruining. I haven't mentioned him much because I just figure it was a given than he was there.

October, right before my birthday, marked the end of counseling. My counselor dubbed me much better, and capable of handling my own emotions. And, despite one bad encounter, I haven't even considered going back.

The last few months have been nothing but (mostly) traveling upward. Obviously I moved in with Tyler at the start of December, and things are only going to get better from here.

So what does 2012 hold for me?

I have a few goals. No resolutions, but things I'm looking forward to.

First, focusing on myself, Aden, and Tyler. No roommates with feelings or whatever for me.

I'm going to get my license so I can dream of buying a car. Driving will get me more time with Aden. Closer to half and half is my ultimate goal here. And since I'm healthy and capable of making more money, this is not an I reachable goal.

I would like to apply for the August semester of school. I was going to before the move, but obviously I got distracted. There is still time though!

I'm also excited to see where things go with Tyler...I have a feeling it's gonna be a really good year for us!

2011 was about fixing what was broken, and 2012 is going to be about improving on what is fixed. I'm determined and I know I'm more than capable. :)