Growing Up

So guess what came back? My baby fever. And it's back with a vengeance. It went away before the break up -- well, it went into hiding, anyway -- but now ... oh boy.

My parents are having a garage sale tomorrow, and Aden's dad is determined to put ALL of Aden's old baby stuff in there. I've been telling him basically since Day 1 that I'm NOT getting rid of all of it, because it's sentimental stuff to me now, and not only that, but I WILL have another baby someday. I said right from the start that I would, even if it wasn't with him. And now, my next baby won't be with him, but I still want to keep some of Aden's stuff! I don't want to hang onto all of it, and he knows that, but I do want some of it ... like the better clothes, and the special things my family got for him. I don't want the crib, none of the stuff we got second hand ... but the new things we had, I wanted to keep.

Anyway, when I was leaving for work last night, I saw Aden's old crib and mattress leaned up in the garage, waiting to be sold to someone on Saturday. I wanted to cry. I don't want to keep the crib -- we just got it for like $20 at a garage sale -- but still! It was Aden's for a year and a half, and now it'll just ... be gone. Don't get me wrong, it's going towards a good cause (all the money from the garage sale is going to the MS Walk), so I'm willing to sell SOME things, but it's an emotional thing to let go of that stuff! It wouldn't be so bad if I thought I'd have some things to hang on to, like the clothes and the things I wanted to keep from the start, but Aden's Dad is determined to get rid of ALL of it. I've asked him so many times to PLEASE not get rid of the clothes and some other things, but he keeps conveniently "forgetting" that and he's supposedly packed it all up together to be sold. I'm so upset about it.

I mean, I want to get some new things next time I have a baby, because it'll be a new baby from a new family ... not 100% Aden's younger brother or sister. It'll be part of something brand new, so it'll be good to have brand new things ... but still! There are some special things from Aden's past that I just ... don't want to go to some stranger! Maybe I'll ask my parents to please keep that stuff aside for me. They won't have to store it long, they know I'm planning to move. My parents don't necessarily understand my attachment to stuff -- I've always been a packrat and they don't get it -- but maybe they'll do this one thing. It's not like I'm asking to keep everything. Just one or two bins of baby stuff. No biggie, right?

Ugh ... time to move on ... that subject just upsets me to no end.


Anyway, after I saw that crib in the garage yesterday, baby fever just ... attacked. I mean, I think everyone who works on the baby side at my work gets baby fever now and then, and it's probably worse for some than it is for others ... and I definitely get it pretty bad sometimes ... but yesterday was like a whole new level of baby fever. The crib just started it all ... and then work made it worse. I swear, I have never seen so many babies under the age of, say, three months in one night. ESPECIALLY since it was a Thursday night and it was rainy out. It was insane how many newborns were around. And they did NOT help the situation. Luckily one of my besties was working on my side and I could talk to her about it. It was NOT an easy shift, and I have a feeling it's not going to get easier.

I know, I should just enjoy being a mom to one, enjoy the stage Aden's at, blah, blah, blah ... but you know, it's kind of hard to do that when I only get to see him half as much as I used to. It'd be kind of nice to have a little baby around to make the in-between times nicer ...

Ah! I've got to stop!

New subject anyone?


Houses! That's a good subject!

I've emailed people about ... let's see ... five different places now, and gotten three emails back. Two saying we can see the place (just waiting for another response from them to see when), and one saying the places has been rented (but he'll let me know if they back out). If I don't hear back from the first two today, I'll be calling them to set a time, hopefully this weekend, where we can see the places. And then hopefully we can get one of them!

I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but that's not easy. I have to get out of here, Boyfriend is getting kicked out of his places on Tuesday, or something, and our friends ... well they just want to do it. I just don't want to live here anymore. My parents are interfering with the way I want to parent, and I can't stand it. I know my friends won't do that, and if they do, I won't be scared to tell them back off. But my parents ... their way of getting in the way is just ... annoying. They don't straight up tell me what to do, but they make their opinions known and it just drives me bonkers. I have to get out of here before I lose it, pretty much. I need to feel like I'm a grown-up, and to do that, I need to get out from under my parents' roof!


I've just got so much on my mind lately ... so my apologies if half of my blog entries make no sense, or if I seem like I'm just rambling for the sake of rambling. This is the best way to get a lot of this shit off my chest lately!