Isn't Life Grand?

I guess the last time I updated you all, my life was a little in shambles, and I had no idea what was going to happen next. I had seemingly screwed things up completely with Work Guy, and things with Richard ... well, who really knows where that was ever going? Things were royally fucked (pardonnez-moi) and I didn't know what to do next.

So, here's an update!

From there, Richard and I did try a couple date-type things. I couldn't bring myself to spend time with him alone, without Aden ... and I was even hesitant to consider going anywhere outside city limits with him ... in case he lost it and I needed my dad to pick me up, or something. I wanted to spend time with the two of them, but I didn't want it to be more than that. As I mentioned previously, my feelings for Richard are gone, gone, gone. In the time that I chose to "give him an honest shot", I had basically stopped talking to Work Guy altogether. I couldn't stop myself from sending him the occasional text, but he'd hardly ever respond, aside from telling me he couldn't talk to me because it hurt too much. So I really was giving Richard the most honest shot I could.

But I couldn't get Work Guy out of my head. I'd try to be happy on my outings with Richard and Aden -- which involved shopping for Blair's bridal shower, going for breakfast, and generally just hanging out -- and I would be happy, but then something would remind me of Work Guy and I'd get sad again. As much as I wanted to see if I was capable of having feelings for Richard again, I knew it wasn't right.

So on Sunday, I told him what I was thinking. And to no surprise of my own, he lost it. He was building it up in his head to more than what it was. He thought it was going somewhere, despite my inability to show any affection towards him whatsoever. Once again, he had himself convinced of something that wasn't true. So to him, though it was unintentional, I crushed his spirits yet again. And, yet again, he basically tried to throw me out of his life.

I found myself walking home from his place again. It's not a far walk, but you have to go across the foot bridge over the highway, and it's cold and windy up there! It's only a ten-minute walk, but it's not pleasant!


Now, as for Work Guy ...

Last Saturday was Blair's stagette. I was very much looking forward to going out, drinking with the girls, and putting my problems on the shelf for one night! And that is what I did. While I was out, I texted Work Guy, and he texted me back. We actually had a bit of a conversation. When it ended, I told him I would give my cell phone to my friend when I got drunk, so as to avoid the inevitable drunk texting. When that time came, I didn't give her my phone -- instead, I texted Work Guy. And, even though it was very late, he texted me back. And to my surprise, I wasn't making an ass out of myself even though I was really quite drunk. He was even surprised when I told him I was wasted ... because I was carrying on a normal conversation with him.

On Sunday, after the falling out with Richard, I texted Work Guy ... of course. I told him that I had decided the "thing" I was trying with Richard wasn't going to work out, and I wasn't asking him to come back to me ... I just wanted him to know. I don't really remember how the conversation carried out from there ... but ultimately, things got back to normal. That pleases me SO MUCH.

Things between us bounced back to normal quicker than I thought they would ... especially considering I thought he was gone forever. Before I knew it, we were back to telling each other nice things and texting as often as we could. I couldn't be happier that he's mine again.


Richard, however ... is still all over the place. After he decided I was out of his life forever again, he came to me with a proposition: I have sex with him, or he removes me from his life and makes our situation as horrible as he can. He didn't use those exact words, but that's basically it. No word of a lie. He tried to convince me that break up sex is THE only way to go, and that I had no choice. He was unaware of the new situation with Work Guy, of course, so he assumed I'd go for it. Well, he was dead wrong. I told him NO several times ... but he kept persisting.

Yesterday, I went over there. NOT to have sex, but to help him sort through Aden's bottles ... and to see Aden, of course. And (surprise, surprise) it was a BIG MISTAKE. After hanging out for awhile, he brought up the sex topic. I think he had made himself believe that I was going to go for it, like he had made himself believe things were going well when I tried to have feelings for him again. Once again, I told him no. And guess what?! He lost it! Threw me out of the house again, and threatened to make life miserable.

Of course I wasn't going to have sex with him! Not only would that destroy everything with Work Guy AGAIN, but I'd really disappoint basically everyone in my life. I'm not willing to do that for no good reason. I know that sex isn't the only way for Richard and I to carry on a civil relationship, like he said. No, no, no.

After a few hours of threatening everything that's good to me, he got over it. Now he's saying we have to DO something in order to be civil ... but not sex. I don't understand AT ALL, and therefore I have no idea what he's getting at ... so I'm leaving the choice of what to do up to him. He makes no sense, and honestly, I think talking to someone about his problems would help a great deal -- but of course I won't tell him that. He would definitely take that very much the wrong way. He can't make up his mind and it's very frustrating. I'm just glad, I guess, that he doesn't WANT to hate me and he can't bring himself to do it ... I just wish he made more sense and would listen to what I'm trying to get across to him!


But, all that frustration aside, I'M HAPPY. Things with Work Guy are finally the way they always should've been, and I'm thrilled that he was so willing to get back to where we were. OH, and I'm even happier to announce that Silly Girl is no longer an issue whatsoever. She's out of the picture completely. WAHOO! Anyway ... I have no intentions of screwing things up with Work Guy EVER again, because I was way too upset with my little fuck-up last time. No way will I do that to either of us all over again!

AND guess what?! We're going on a date tomorrow! Yeah! A real date! I'm so ecstatic I can't even begin to describe it! And don't you worry, my lovelies ... I WILL tell you all about it!