Baby Fever Never Goes Away

Yes, I still have baby fever. Like crazy. And of course, my job doesn't help at all. Seeing all those great-looking pregnant women, new babies ... and the worst one: pregnant women with kids around Aden's age -- i.e, exactly what I want.

Just now, I found out on facebook that a friend from years ago is pregnant with her second baby. Her daughter is going to be a year old in December. This pregnant friend is just about 6 months younger than I am, or something like that ... so, about my age. I have a few friends in similar situations: My best friends from elementary school, who's daughter is a few months younger than Aden; Richard's sister, who has a 21-month old daughter and is due in 5 weeks ... and she is only 3 years older than I am; and there are a couple more, I'm sure.

I hate to say it, but I'm jealous of those friends. I don't know how many of those second children were actually planned ... since none of the first ones were ... but it doesn't matter. I'm jealous.

I'm doing my best to curb my baby fever, since there's nothing I can do about it until spring of next year ... and that's if whatever is wrong with me is not a huge issue. Sometimes, though, I want to just forget that something is wrong at all and just try for a baby anyway ... but I would never forgive myself if that baby wasn't healthy because of the problems I have going on ... I would be so selfish then, I think.

Ugh ... be patient, Kayla.


In other news ... my feet are KILLING me.

I'm too tired to think up a decent title ...

Yesterday was the most terrible shift at work in the world.

It started out alright. Jenn asked me to move some things from the back onto the floor. Alright, sounds good ... a bit of variety in my long 8-hour shift.

Well, I didn't make much progress with that. I moved a bunch of hangers out, a couple bath tubs, and a few toys ... and then I was shocked at how messy the baby department was. So I started tidying up. And then I realized how busy the store was ... and realized shortly thereafter that I was the only person on the floor in baby. GREAT. Not only were there a lot of people shopping in the store, but a ton of them wanted help with strollers/carseats/breast pumps or needed help with registries. I somehow managed to keep baby looking tidy and help most of those people ... but of course I got nothing moved out onto the floor.

Then, sometime shortly before close, maybe around 8:30 or so, I was headed to the front of the store to put something away that I found misplaced in baby. I walked by a dad cleaning something off of his shoes, and another girl I work with heading towards them with a mop and bucket. I got a whiff of something terrible, and assumed a kid had vomited.

Shit happens ... literally.

The kid had not vomitted. He had pooped ... right in the middle of the floor. I ran into a manager and she said the kid had "had an accident". How a kid manages to have an accident in the form of a pile on the floor AND his dad's shoes is beyond me. To make matters worse, another manager walked through the poo (yeah ... don't know how he didn't notice it) and left poo prints all the way to toddler. I'm just glad I didn't have to clean it ... I wanted to vomit just at the thought of it.

By the time the store closed, I was exhausted. And of course I worked with a bunch of lazy fucks yesterday and the store was a mess. So I spent what seemed like forever trying to make the boys' department look half-decent.

Literally forever.

I realized the store was suddenly very quiet. I went to the front and saw just the 3 managers going into the tower -- the tower overlooks the store and it's like the managers' office -- I knew something was wrong then. Awhile before that, I heard the one manager, Wyatt, go over the loudspeaker thing. He mumbles, and the store was still a mess, so I didn't think anything of it.

I peeked around the corner for awhile, and saw the managers walk out the door and start to close the gate to completely lock up. I ran to the front going "WYATT!!! WYATT!!!" I was so scared. Wyatt finally heard me and went "There's someone in there still!" So the managers all came back and were shocked to see me. I told them boys was still a mess, so I didn't think Wyatt had said it was time to go home.

They thanked me for caring and staying to clean it -- it was almost 10 o' clock. I got my stuff from the back, scanned myself out, and ran to the car ... and just bawled.

That whole ordeal resulted in a terrible night. I was so tired, and Richard was watching a movie in bed ... I couldn't stand the noise so he turned it off. I started to fall alseep and suddenly burst into tears -- don't even ask why ... I don't know. I went to blow my nose after that, since crying made it stuff up. I decided to head upstairs and watch some TV instead of going back to bed ... because there was no way I could sleep. It was already after midnight by that point.

I got comfy on the couch and turned on the TV really quiet. Everytime I started to fall asleep on the couch, I thought of what might have happened had I not went to the front of the store and seen the managers leaving. I was so freaked out I couldn't sleep.

After I got bored of watching TV, I went back to bed and played my DS for awhile. By the time I was ready to sleep, it was after 2 am. I only got 5 hours of sleep last night.

But you know what? I still like my job. I don't necessarily want to go back for another 8 hour shift today, but I still like it ....

I Misplaced My Libido

Yup, it's gone. Completely gone. I didn't have much of one before, but whatever I did have ... has disappeared completely.

I blame it on switching pills. I was on Alesse before, and started on Tri Cyclen Lo about two weeks ago, due to some other issues I was having. Well, thus far, those other issues have gone completely ... but this new issue has come up.

Of course there's an obvious solution: switch pills. But, I don't want to do that. At least not right now. Remember that abnormal pap I had last month, and how I have to see a specialist for it now? Well, turns out that specialist appointment is not until March. MARCH. So I don't want to be switching pills around a million times before then ... just in case my issues are pill-related.

Sure, I could always go off the pill completely, but ... well, that would just be a bad idea. I don't want to end up pregnant when it could be risky because of my "down there" issues!

It's just really quite irritating, this whole loss of libido thing. Here I am, taking a pill every day and spending money on it ... when I'm just becoming celibate anyway! If I wanted to be celibate, I wouldn't be on the damn pill! Kind of defeats the purpose, don't you think?

I'm so frustrated ...

Teen Burgers for MS

For today only, when you go to any A&W across Canada and get a teen burger, $1 from each one goes to the MS Society! So everyone, go get teen burgers! Lots of them!

For those who don't know, my step-mom has MS and recently she had to go on disability because she was unable to work any longer. It has been a hard fight for her, and obviously is not getting any better. Earlier this year, I participated in the MS Walk with my dad and sister, and they have been doing the walk themselves for many years. I'm sure they'll be having teen burgers for dinner tonight, and I hope I will be too.

For more information about A&W's Cruisin' For A Cause Day, and about MS and the MS Society of Canada, go to http://www.mssociety.ca/en/releases/nr_20090824.htm

Help with the fight against MS!

My Life Is Wearing Me Out

I love my new job. I really do. I get to help people with things I actually know about, and my job is really the perfect pace for me. It's just busy enough with people shopping for strollers and whatnot that I don't get overwhelmed with helping customers, and it's just quiet enough that I don't get bored and run out of work to do. It really is ideal, and the time never goes slowly.

However ...

It is wearing me out. Last week, the new store opened on Wedesday. I worked Wednesday night, Thursday night, Friday night, and an 8-hour shift on Saturday. I know it isn't a lot, but since I have not worked for over 2.5 years now, I am not used to that. Heck, even when I did work, I never worked as hard as I am now. I was a slacker before, and so far at this job, I have yet to slack off. Yes, I slow down towards the end of my shift, when my feet are hurting so bad I can't stand it ... but I power through and keep working.

Work alone is not the only thing tiring me out. It's my whole day-to-day life that is really tiring me out. If I could just come home from work at night, get a good full night of sleep, and stay in bed until after 8:30, I'd be fine. Obviously that is not the case. I come home and go straight to bed, since it's usually after 10 once I'm home, but do you think I can get right to sleep? Nope. My body is exhausted, but my mind is wide awake ... and sometimes my body is so sore I can't seen to get comfortable. And once I am asleep, it certainly isn't all night. As always, I wake up sometime between 2 am and 5 am, and I have serious issues getting back to sleep.

Then of course, Aden never sleeps in the morning after I have to work. Richard puts him to bed right at 8 when I'm at work, so he is easily up shortly after 7 on those mornings after. When I hear him wake up, I can't even force myself to open my eyes for more than two seconds. No way can I get out of bed as soon as he is awake. So I try to keep myself from falling back asleep -- I know, I can't get myself to sleep at night, and I can't get myself to stay awake in the morning ... makes no sense -- and boy, do I have to try hard. I roll over, turn on the TV to the weather channel, and force my eyes to stay open. I'm just glad Aden is not the kind of kid who just wakes up and cries until someone comes to get him -- he is perfectly okay to lay there and play with his animals and talk to himself for a good 30 to 45 minutes on good mornings. So it's alright if I can't get up when he'd like me too.

Some days, once we're up, it's not so bad. Aden is okay to play quietly by himself while I sit and relax.

Other days, things are not so calm.

Aden is starting the terrible twos a little early ... and boy, is it delightful. *Cue eye-rolling here. He spends his days climbing up on to the kitchen table, opening the drawers on Richard's toolbox (I swear, if he doesn't move that thing when he gets home from work today, someone's in trouble), and taking everything out. I go get him off of the table, distract him with something fun, and play with him. He then runs away and does it all over again. Oh yes ... it is so delightful. This whole scenario does not help with how tired I am feeling after an evening at work and a night with hardly any sleep. No, I do not want to spend my days taking Aden off the kitchen table every 5 minutes.

And of course my house is really suffering due to how worn out I am from just work and Aden. I am no longer doing dishes every day, and I am not about to ask Richard to do them while I'm working -- he does enough for me and he would not want me asking him to do dishes as well. My laundry is suffering severely, and my floors haven't been swept, mopped or vaccumed in ages. I just don't have the energy to get all of that done as well ... and it's really quite upsetting.

And NOW I'm trying to squeeze working out into all of this as well. I got EA Sports Active on Saturday and I started my 30-day challenge on Sunday. It is an excellent workout, and I really enjoy it, but it is not helping with the whole "worn out" thing. With Wii Fit, it would be fine to attempt to squeeze in a workout (and more importantly, to work up the energy to work out) ... because I could easily do it on my days off and not worry about wearing myself out before work. But with Active, in the 30-day challenge, I'm supposed to workout two days in a row, have a day off, work out two days in a row, have a day off, etc. I don't know how well that's going to go over when I have to work out on a day that I have to work as well ... I'm going to be exhausted.

Oy ... hopefully my body gets used to this before too long ... I don't want to feel so worn out all the time ...

It's Up To You

I really hate, when I'm in an online forum for moms/parents/preggos, when a mom-to-be asks "How should I feed my baby?". It is one of the most annoying things to read in one of those types of forums. Obviously there are good things about both formula-feeding and breast-feeding. Go read about it. It's not exactly hard to come across information about it. Google it, or buy a damn book and READ it.

Honestly, do they want someone else to decide for them? There are people out there who will criticise you for breastfeeding and people who will criticise you for formula feeding, and even people who will critcise you for doing both! I have said it before and I will say it a million more times: THERE IS NO RIGHT WAY.

It drives me bananas when moms-to-be get so stressed out about making that choice, and they get REALLY stressed out about the what-ifs too. What if my baby is lactose intolerant? What if he/she won't take my boob? What if I can't produce enough milk?

Here's your one answer: Just try whatever you want to do. If you want to try breastfeeding, try breastfeeding. If it doesn't work right off the bat, do not get upset or freak out because you can't do it right. Keep trying. If you don't want to keep trying, don't. Switch to formula. Or do both. And don't let anyone make you feel bad about the choice you've made. You're not going to hurt your child for doing it "the wrong way".

Seriously ... there is no need to get so stressed out about breastfeeding vs. formula-feeding. There are so many options out there. You don't need to decide RIGHT NOW.

Abnormal, and My New Job

My doctor called with the results of my pap the other day. Abnormal again. So I have to see a specialist. I'm scared, but I'm trying not to think of it. Doctor said it'll probably be in October or November.

The only thing I'm really concerned about -- well ... the thing I'm the most concerned about -- is how whatever is wrong with me will affect my ability to have more kids. I would hate if I couldn't have another child because of what's wrong with me or because of the treatment for whatever is wrong. I guess I would just have to be thankful that I at least have one kid.

Oh well ... we will see in a couple months what will have to happen ...


Anyway ... I started my job at Babies R Us yesterday!

I really liked it. It's quiet, so it's not too stressful ... but it's not SO quiet that I run out of things to do (like a couple of my previous jobs). It'll take some getting used to, being on my feet for awhile -- yesterday was only 5 hours, as is today and Monday, but it will take me a bit to get used to that again. And it was hard staying there until 10 ... and not getting home until 10:30-ish. But again, I'll get used to it.

The only negative thing about it is this: Seeing all those new babies and pregnant women all the time will NOT be good for my baby fever! It was hard seeing all those preggos yesterday ... and all the cute baby stuff ... yikes! But, I'll just have to deal with it. After all, I won't be getting pregnant anytime soon, with the whole abnormal thing again. Ugh ...

Oh well ... I am looking forward to working again tonight!

I Love Richard

Things have been really good lately. Like really good. I don't have anymore feelings of hatred towards Richard -- it's nothin' but love around here now!

Which leads me to this:

I REALLY WANT TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE THAT SECOND BABY!!

No more doubts here ... now let's get a move on!

I Am Old

Yes, my dear handful of readers, I am old. Not actually ... but I feel that way.

Today, my youngest sister reminded me that it is time for me to start looking on the internet at grad dresses for her. I did the same for my middle sister when she graduated in 2008, and I found her a damn good dress -- of course Molly wants me to help her find one too!

This is Hannah in her grad dress -- I did a good job.

It's gonna be super fun to look for Molly's dress. She has great style, and really stands out from the crowd in her small town. Not only that, but she's like five foot ten and skinny enough that anything works on her. Yeah, I'm gonna have fun with this one.

But still, I feel old. I graduated in 2006. Molly is starting to look for her grad dress, and she'll be graduating in 2010. I can't believe it's already gonna be 2010 and she'll be graduating. Before I know it, it'll be 2016 and my little brother will be graduating. Then, it'll be 2026 and it'll be Aden's turn! Oh my gosh ... it's going too fast ...

I'm so pathetic ...

Storm Damage

There was a very scary storm on Sunday night/Monday morning here. Our town got hit very hard, but my mom's town (about 25 minutes north of here) got hit much worse. It is not a big town, but there is millions of dollars in damage.

I thought I'd share some of her photos of the damage to her house and her neighbors' houses.

This is the damage to my mom's flowerbed. This is nothing compared to the rest of the damage.

Mom's potato patch. These plants were over 3 feet high.

The veggie patch. Now get ready for some real damage ...

The window on the garage. Apparently this is what all of the houses in town look like now!

The side of the garage, and a drift of hail 18 hours later.

The side of the house.

The damage to a neighbor's house and gazebo.

Mom's greenhouse and the neighbor's stuff again.

The other neighbor's gazebo.

Scary.

Hard Times

Things have been financially difficult for awhile, but this last little bit of living off one income is even worse. With Richard's most recent paycheck, he made about $200 less than we've been used to, since there is no overtime at work anymore, and they're being forced to take some days off with no pay. He was able to pay rent (not without reloaning A LOT), but that's it. We could get a few grocery-type things, but nothing to live off of. I can list everything we have to make dinner right now: 2 steaks, 2 pounds of beef, Aden's chicken nuggets, a very small amount of veggies, and some Hamburger Helper. How that will last until Richard's next paycheck on the 14th, I have no idea. Yes, we have definitely fallen on hard times.

Thank GOD I start work soon. My orientation is on the 10th (next Monday), and from there, I'll get my work schedule. I don't know how long it will be before I'm paid, but hopefully we don't have to wait for too long. We need it. I know my part-time paychecks won't help a ton, but I just want to take some of the stresses off Richard's back. I'll help him pay the other bills so they don't stack up, and hopefully that'll free up some of his money so we can afford groceries more often, and not have to reloan much, if any. It might be asking a lot, but we can hope.

Of course, I'll want to treat myself a bit when I get paid too, but we'll have to see how much money is left once I help out around here. I want to treat myself to some new clothes -- all of my newer clothes are things I bought 10 pounds ago, and all of the things that fit well are things I bought nearly 3 years ago! Time for an update. I also want to go on a "date", but we'll see. AND I'm going to buy Aden a potty. Hopefully there will be some room for that stuff.