Today

Today is the start of the long weekend, and it's also the last day of July. It's insane to me that it's already the last day of July 2009. While it's been a relatively non-boring summer, it feels like we haven't done much. Sure, we agreed that we'd do more in August, and possibly even more in September ... but it still feels as though the summer's gotten away from me already. It might have something to do with the fact that all of the summer clearance sales are starting already ... even though there is still another month of summer temperatures ... and if this year is anything like last year, another two months! Guess it's a good time to buy summer clothes -- if only I had any money!

Anyway ...

Another reason I'm feeling like we haven't done much is this: My family is in Kamloops this weekend and we are not. I'm super bummed by this, as much as I try not to be, and as much as I try to convince myself that I'm not. But truth be told, I AM.

They're out there seeing my auntie and uncle and cousins in their new house. I know it's harder for me to go on family trips now, since it's not just ME anyone and obviously 2x the luggage PLUS a carseat and small child take up a LOT of room ... but man. Harsh. What really makes it so sucky is the fact that they went to visit them two summers ago as well ... and guess what: I was left out of that trip as well. Granted, I wasn't really on speaking terms with my family then, as I was preggo and did not know it yet ... but still. They could've tried harder to include Aden and I this time around. I haven't seen my auntie since the summer after my graduation ... THREE YEARS AGO.

It's not fair. Call me a big baby, but whatever. It's not.

So because of all my bummed-ness, I really wish Richard, Aden and I could do something fun this weekend ... since it's a long weekend and all. Buuuuuut that ain't gonna happen. BUMMER. UGH.

I can't wait until I start getting paid and we'll be more likely to have money for recreation-type things ...

One of the Worst Parts of Motherhood

I really hate seeing Aden in pain. Especially when it's something I can't fix. It's so hard seeing him cry and scream, all inconsolably ... and there isn't much in my power to fix it. I do all I can, and he's still hurting ... and I'm out of ideas. It's awful.

Today, I discovered Aden's one-year molars are breaking through. He got up from a nap, and he was PISSED. We changed his bum, gave him cold juice, took his shirt off to cool him down (it's a good 30 degrees in here) ... and nothing helped. He was screaming and crying and rolling around on the floor ... it was so awful to watch. He's not normally a whiney kid, so we knew something must be wrong. We did not, however, know what it was.

Richard picked Aden up, and he spotted Richard's tape measure on the shelf. He wanted it, so, because he was so upset, Richard gave it to him. Aden started gnawing on it immediately. Richard pointed out that that wasn't something necessarily normal for him, so I felt around in his mouth. I knew he had a front tooth pop through a few days ago, but that shouldn't be bugging him anymore.

Sure enough, two little points in the back of his mouth told me his one-year molars were coming out. GREAT. We gave him a teether that was still in the freezer from the last teeth, but since it really only reaches the front ones, it didn't help. We served him dinner as usual, but he wouldn't eat it. No way. I gave him a different teether from the fridge, and it reached further back, but he still didn't want it.

I tossed some of his longer spoons in the freezer, and have some yogurts ready to be frozen with spoons in them (like a popsicle) ... but those won't be ready until tomorrow. Tonight, nothing we could do really helped. We gave him some Tylenol ... but that is all we can do.

Bed time was the worst. After giving him that Tylenol, I laid him in bed, gave him his water, gave him a kiss ... and he was just bawling and reaching out to me. I tried to comfort him without picking him up, but nope, he didn't want that. He just bawled and bawled, and my heart just broke and broke. I hate when he cries. It's the worst when there's nothing I can do to help. After turning our backs on him and turning out his light and stuff, I just ... cried. I wish I could help.

And THAT is one of the hardest parts of motherhood.

A Video

Here's Aden. First he's reading a book, then he runs off and does Aden things.



Enjoy!

No Kamloops For Us

I was so excited for the weekend of July 31st to August 4th. Aden and I were going to my Auntie's new house in Kamloops with my mom and siblings. My mom was going to rent a van so we could all go. I was really looking forward to it, because I haven't seen my Auntie for 3 years, and Aden has yet to meet that leg of my family. So yeah, it wasn't something to look forward to.

Turns out my mom couldn't find any 6-passenger vehicle to rent. None.

And of course Richard won't take his car for a 7+ hour drive. His car seems to develop new problems every time we go on any kind of long-ish trip. That, and he doesn't insurance. Oh, AND there's the fact that there's no way we can afford gas for a drive that long. So yeah ... no way his car is going that far away.

So now, we have to be stuck at home for the entire long weekend with grumpy ol' Richard. Either that or he'll make us go on one of two trips with people that I will never EVER go anywhere with ... people that I can't even stand for more than a half hour. Yeah ... either way, it will not be a fun long weekend ...

Working Stiff

I had an interview at Toys R Us today. Babies R Us to be more specific.

And you know what?

I GOT THE JOB.

Hell yeah.

Orientation is on August 10th and the store opens on the 19th. I'm so excited.

I'm gonna be so awesome at this job.

You had a bad day, the camera don't lie

Today was the worst day I've had in a long time.

I tried to send Richard a text this morning, and it didn't go through. Great. Our phones have been cut off. I don't know if Richard didn't get a warning, but if he did, he didn't pass it on to me. It's kind of a bummer because we don't have a house phone ... so without cell phones, all we have is facebook. And obviously I can only check that if I'm at home ... so when I go away this weekend, we're outta luck.

Later, I'm lying on the couch, exhausted from the heat and the already long day, and Aden is looking out the back window at Gunther, who's tied up outside. Suddenly he gets scared and runs to me. So I look out the window to see if he was actually afraid of anything. What I saw made me VERY mad. First, I noticed the back gate is wide open. Then, I can't see Gunther. I immediately think someone has come in our back yard to untie him -- it's happened before. My eyes follow the string he gets attached to, and I see him sitting in the doorway of the wide open gate. I just didn't see him because of the bright sun. What I noticed next really pissed me off.

My bike is GONE. We bought a brand new seat for it yesterday (and not the cheapest seat in the store) and Richard was in the midst of fixing it. And now it's gone. I'm so mad.

When Richard got home from work, he said he talked to his mom and she said one of two of my baby cheques had come in the mail. Finally something good.

Or so I thought.

We went over to his mom's house a bit later, and I'm very disappointed by my cheque. The first cheque I get in a month is the one we've called "the big cheque" in the past. Well, it's not so big anymore. Previously, I would get around $360 in total. Now it's down to a whopping $185 a month. Yet another disappointment in my day. We would use every penny of that $360 in most months ... now we have a little over half of that to work with. And of course, had this cheque been as big as it used to be, I was going to give Richard some money to get our phones turned back on -- now who knows how long it's going to be before we have cell service again.

I have an interview at Toys R Us tomorrow ... and I'm just praying that it goes well so things can start to look up for us, even just a little.

Aden's First Camping Trip

On Thursday the 16th, we took Aden on his first camping trip. I was looking forward to it, mainly because it was Aden's first -- I am not a fan of camping, especially when it's in a tent.

When we arrived at the campground, there were NO spots available. It was a little surprising, considering we went on a Thursday! The lady in charge gave us a list of people that could be leaving that day, and told us to go talk to them, so we did. After wandering around the campground for awhile, we found a couple who was leaving in a few hours. Lucky us! It was the "few hours" part that wasn't so exciting. But, we decided to play at the river that was only steps away from the site we would get. Aden loved it.

Between getting our site and going to bed, a lot of fighting ensued ... but I'm not going to make this about that. I'll blame the fight on a few too many beers on Richard's behalf, and leave it at that.

When it came time to go to bed, I wasn't looking forward to it. Richard, Aden and I would all be sleeping on one air mattress in the tent. Aden does not typically sleep well when he has to share a room, let alone a bed, with someone else. But, it didn't take long for him to go to sleep. And aside from getting cold a couple times in the night (which was surprising, since he was in fleece jammies) he slept well all night.

When he woke up at 6:15 the next morning, he looked around and said "wow!" He was fascinated by the tent.

Overall, it was a good trip. Aden enjoyed it all: playing in the river, eating the food, running around outside, and even getting his butt changed outside! Hopefully we'll get a chance to go again this summer.

Here's some pictures from the trip:

We let Aden sit with us when driving to the campground store, and he loved it. Later on, Richard let him actually steer ... and needless to say, I was terrified.

Aden's first dip in the river. It was freezing cold and he didn't even seem to notice!

After we put his lifejacket on so they could go a little deeper.

Having fun.

"Helping" daddy set up the tent.

Pigging out.

Playing with his new ball at the playground.

Going for an evening dip in the river with daddy.

Cold water!

My favorite picture.

Funny face

He had so much fun in the water.

Enjoy!

Once In Awhile ...

Sometimes, I miss my old life. It's rare, but it happens.

Like tonight. I saw my best friend's facebook status say: [Friend's Name] is having her first dinner party tonight! Of course I immediately assume that said dinner party will be with my ex-friends, who are still her friends. And I don't know why, but that made me a little bit sad.

If I had friends, it would be so awesome to have a dinner party. Or, better yet, if I was still friends was those friends, it would be so awesome to attend that dinner party. I don't think my issue is really that I miss those friends, because they really are huge jerks now, I just miss ... having friends in general, I think, and being able to socialize and stuff. I mean, I sometimes miss those friends ... the way they were in high school, before I got pregnant. By the sounds of it, they're all huge jerks who are very ... high and mighty and proud of their "accomplishments" ... so I know we wouldn't get along anymore.

Anyway, I guess I'll just have to be a non-dinner-party-going, internet-friends-only, stay-at-home mom shut-in ... ah, well.


While we're on the topic of missing things ...

For one reason or another, the city we live in is pretty much falling apart. On purpose, of course, but still ...

First, they tore down a bar in town that has a huge place in the past for Richard and I. I think they tore it down last summer and I still get a little emotional driving past it. They tore it down so they could built low-budget housing, or whatever. A year later and they still haven't even levelled the area yet. Stupid city ...

That bar has a lot of memories for Richard and I. We started going there on weekends for $2 hi-balls, which resulted in a lot of drunken nights together. Some of them I can't remember, but a lot of them I can. Like they were yesterday. Obviously I don't miss those drunken nights, but we'll never be able to point out that bar to Aden and say "Mom and Dad used to go there all the time!" or whatever. 10 years down the road, I bet it will still be an empty area that they tore down for nothing -- oh, I should add that the building was almost 100 years old -- and we'll have to say "Mom and Dad used to go there ... before it was a bunch of rocks and dirt ...".

After that, they tore down another bar that has an even bigger place in our past! Essentially, it's the place where Richard and I met. We had seen each other working at Wal-mart, but this other bar is the first place we talked. It's the first bar I went to when I turned 18, even ... and even before I met Richard I made a LOT of good memories there. A lot of bad memories too, but still ... memories I'll never ever forget! And now ... they're rubble. Sad ...

Most recently, they tore down the "rat hole". It was an overpass/underpass going from this side of town to the west side. It doesn't hold a whole lot of memories, but there is still one there. It was one of many drunken nights with Richard; we were at a bar that we now live near -- at the time we lived on the west side. We walked under the rat hole, which wouldn't have been safe at a busy time of day, but seeing as how it was around 1 am, we were okay. It was a very long walk home, I'm sure, but it was very memorable, despite the amount of liquor in us.

So, it's depressing that the city is just ... tearing down all of my memories ... OUR memories.


Ugh ... stupid ... remembering stuff ...

My Job

Richard is having one of those days where he's just irritated at the messy state of our house. I hate these days, because he puts all of the blame on me (whether it's my fault or not), and it just ruins the entire day.

And then he starts cleaning ... which generally means he yells at me while he throws things out. I find it really insulting, for many reasons.

He blames me for the entire mess, which is really insulting because I'm not the one to blame for all of it. For example, he blames me for the three newspapers sitting on the kitchen table. Yes, I put them there, but only after I asked him if he wanted to look at them, and he responded with "later". Of course I took that to mean that he'd look at them later so I should not throw them out. Can I really be blamed for that one? I don't think so.

It's also really insulting because the things he's attempting to take care of are jobs I should be doing. Sure, they're not always jobs I get done (clearly, or he wouldn't be complaining about the mess), but still ... he's not the one I expect to do these things. And, it's not like I do nothing all the time. He doesn't really notice what I do get done, which is really irritating. He just notices when I don't get all of the dishes washed, or when the laundry isn't done twice a freaking day, or when our house is not spotless. Sorry, dear Richard, but there is only so much I can get done in 2-3 hours of total naptime during the day. Honestly, I probably could get a bit more done, but our house still won't be spotless by any means.

And it really doesn't help that when he's home on the weekends, we seem to busy to get anything done at all around the house ... so things like dishes just add up, you know? He doesn't seem to understand that I can't very well do dishes AND do laundry AND go run around outside with him and Aden AND go here and there all weekend. I'm only one person!

Also, during Aden's longer 2-hour nap, I can only do so much. First things first, it's dishes. So that's one thing, but then sometimes I want to do something for ME. I'll play Wii Fit for 20 minutes or I'll shower ... which means I obviously can't do chores for those 20 minutes. Is it so wrong for me to get in shape or get clean? I didn't think so, but I guess I might be wrong.

Sorry if my house is such a mess, but really ... there are sometimes just more important things. It's still my job to do, and I know it. I'm working on it, but it doesn't help that Richard has to insult me about it all the time.

Never Ever Again

Last night, for the second time, we left Aden with Richard's mom for the night. Whatever, it was just for a little while. We ate dinner over there last night, and then we picked him up first thing this morning.

While we were there picking him up, we were finding out how the night went, of course. He was asleep by 10:30 ... a little late, but that's to be expected when he's staying somewhere else for the night. Ate a banana for breakfast, all good.

"We had a quick shower together last night ... he doesn't like showers at all," she says.

I'm sorry ... YOU WHAT?!

I really had to keep my mouth shut tight after she told me that. I have not even showered with my child ... ever. That's just effing nasty to shower with his grandma. He didn't even need a bath last night ... so to me, that sounds a little pervy. Am I wrong?

So yeah ... he's not staying there again. Unless I say he's going to need a bath, he does not need one ... and he ESPECIALLY does not need to shower with his grandma, excuse me. GROSS.

I'm so mad.

Selfishness Is Not Pretty

Earlier this year, we ordered Aden one of those Little Tykes (I think) cars -- you know, the red and yellow cars we've all seen before -- only it was a police car. We ordered it for his birthday, from points they give out at Richard's work, for good deeds or whatever. IE, the car was free.

Richard's mom thought the car was great, so she ordered one the same way (they work at the same place). She thought it would be great for the two grandbabies to enjoy at her house. Hers finally came, only it's a firetruck-style one. Very cool.

Richard's sister is a selfish b****, if you get me.

Seriously.

She saw the car, still in the box, at their parents house, and demanded she take it home for her daughter. DEMANDED. Let's get one thing straight here: Richard's sister is a lot better off financially than we, or even Richard's parents, are. She can easily go out and buy one. EASILY. Yet she demands this one.

And of course, being the sucker his mom is, she gave in, and the car is going to his sister's house. Real nice.

Richard's sister just wants it because Aden has one. Isn't that the most pathetic thing you've ever heard? And her daughter is VERY spoiled. She probably already has more outside toys than she knows what to do with ... adding yet another one makes no sense AT ALL. She'll probably play with it all of once before she's bored.

So instead of leaving an awesome toy at their mom's house, where BOTH grandkids can play with it, she's being selfish and taking it home where only her kid can play with it (Richard and his sister aren't speaking, so the cousins don't see each other). Oh, to clarify, we all live in the same town -- it would not be a hassle for his sister to simply take her daughter over there to play with it ... while still letting her nephew (who she loves) play with it too.

Now THAT is what I call selfish.

Poop, Sweetness, and Too Much Drinking

Aden has, I believe, gone a step in the right direction towards potty-training time. He has started to know when he's poopy. Which, I must say, has come in handy since I have had a stuffy nose for the past three days and can't smell when he pooped!

Now, when he knows he's poopy, he comes up to me, looks at me with this sad-looking face, and says "too", or "too-too". I believe by that he means "hey, mom, I pooped".

It's terribly cute.



I have a story to share.

Aden was standing over by the front window, just relaxing and drinking his milk for the evening. I went over and crouched down next to him, and bowed my head down. Richard came up behind us, to see what we were doing, I guess.

Aden started smacking me on the head, and head-butting me. Nice, I know.

Then he decided he didn't want to do that anymore, so he pushed on my forehead so I looked up at him again. Since I had been looking down, my hair was in my face. Aden promptly began to push my hair off of my face, but kept getting mad because it wouldn't stay. Richard helped him and pushed the hair away.

This happened a couple of times -- I put my head down again, and then Aden made me look up and they would push my hair away again.

Then Aden did the most heart-melting thing in the world.

Once my hair was out of my face, he said "mama" in the sweetest little voice I have ever heard. Like once my hair was out of the way, he could see me. Oh, it was so sweet.




And, to finish off, I have some complaining.

Yesterday Richard bought 24 beers.

Now, at 8:30 pm, Richard has about 3 beers remaining.

So today, again, I told him he was drunk. Richard hates when I do that, because for some reason, he cannot openly admit to being drunk, even when it's painfully obvious that he is.

So, after trying to bite my tongue, I said something along the lines of "I don't want to have a conversation while you're drunk." I have said this to him many times before, including last night, as well as tonight. Because, well, it's true. If he's anything but sober, there's no way in hell I crave a good conversation with him. Hell, I don't even want a mediocre conversation with him.

Seriously.

Of course, Richard wasn't fond of my honesty. I tried so hard to explain to him that I know he's not totally blitzed to the point of vomiting and passing out ... and what I mean by "drunk" is really not sober. I told him to look me in the eye and tell me he's sober. Of course if he did that he'd be lying, so he didn't do it. Good choice, buddy.

After that, he said a few things to me that were just downright mean -- though I don't remember exactly what he said ... they weren't mean statements, per se, but a mean attitude went along with them. I started to cry, as I always do, and he says "You know what really pisses me off? You crying all the time."

HELLO, you are the reason I'm crying!

Yeah, real nice ...

From there, he just keeps saying such mean things to me. Gee ... I wonder why I hate his drinking ...




Oh well ... at least I have one sweetie pie in my life ...

Job Interviews

I hate job interviews. Obviously it's a necessary thing if, like me, you need a job ... but man, I hate them. There are several reasons I dislike them, which I will no doubt mention here.

Today there was a job fair in town for Winners and Homesense. So naturally, since I'm need of work and all, we went. I filled out an application and had an interview on the spot.

The guy interviewing was of some other nationality, or whatever, and he had quite a thick accent. Needless to say, I had issues understanding a lot of the things he said. I did my best with that, though.

I hate when they ask you all those questions regarding your job experience. Because, well, I don't have that much job experience, really. My last job only lasted a whopping two months, and the job before that was from 2006 to 2007 -- ages ago. So all those questions are really hard for me to answer! Especially when something like this happens:

Interviewer: "Have you ever been frustrated at work before?"
Me: Um ... "Not really. I enjoy working with different people, so I don't get easily frustrated."
Pause ...
Interviewer: "Describe a time you were frustrated at work at what you did."
Now I'm thinking HELLO DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR MY LAST RESPONSE?!
But I make up some B.S. story about being frustrated.

And like ... I had mentioned to him that I am currently a stay at home mom, so my schedule is pretty open, as long as I can get a babysitter (which isn't too hard of a task). Then he asks me a question about how I balance my school life/work life/social life! I'm thinking "... I'm a stay at home mom ... I do mom things ... there's no balance involved." SERIOUSLY. The guy wasn't listening to a word I was saying.

I suck at interviews as it is ... I don't need some irritating guy asking questions that aren't even relevant to what I've already said. It was definitely one of my worst interviews. Of course, it doesn't help that I have a yucky cold right now!

But, all of that doesn't matter. I have a second interview for tomorrow. So we'll see how that goes.

Woe, Woe, Woe

Today as I added yet another necessity on to my grocery list, I started thinking about asking my parents for money. Once Richard's car payment comes out soon, he'll have like ... $50 for ALL of the things on our list. And $50 won't buy all of the basics we're out of. So I figured there wouldn't be any harm in asking for some help.

When Richard came home from work, he asked if we could walk to the liquor store so he could buy some beer. Of course I said "okay ..." in the most iffy way possible, so he knew I didn't want him to. That made my decision for me -- I chose to ask my parents for money.

I texted my dad -- I didn't call because I knew if Richard heard me he'd tell me not to -- and he said he could lend me some money. He dropped by a couple hours later to give me $200.

Richard didn't like that. Of course. An arguement quickly ensued.

He got mad and called me lazy for not having a job. I explained to him YET AGAIN that there's a recession going on, and I'm not the only one having a hard time. I also explained that I have applied for six jobs in three weeks. He looked at the job listings only hours earlier, so I asked how many jobs he saw in the paper that I qualify for. Instead of answering the question, he went to get the paper to try and prove I was wrong. Of course he couldn't. The only jobs in the paper this week that I qualify for, were the two jobs I already applied for. I mean really ... can anyone be so ignorant that they think I'm just being lazy and that's why I'm not working? It's almost like he's been living under an effing rock! It's not laziness that can be blamed for my not working ... it's the lack of jobs! Up until the new mall started advertising jobs, there's been nothing I qualify for pretty much since Aden's been born. Aside from the six jobs I've applied for recently, there's maybe two other jobs I've applied for ... that I barely qualified for. This is NOT me being lazy. Prick.

He got mad because I didn't consult him before asking. If I consulted him, he would've told me not to ... even though we need the money. He's asked his parents for help without consulting me before ... without even letting me know until he says something like "let's go to the store" and then I wonder where he got the money to do that. He figures he shouldn't have to consult me, because "how much money do I contribute to the household?" Um ... ALL OF THE $300 I GET EACH MONTH. If I decide to buy something for me instead of stuff Aden needs, it's because, by some miracle, I have extra. Richard says "Why should I have to contribute $1500 each month so we can live. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT THE HOUSEHOLD MONEY-EARNER DOES, YOU SELFISH ASS. He makes several times more than I get each month ... OBVIOUSLY he's the one who pays the bills. I bought him beer TWICE with my money this month ... and he's ignorant enough to wonder why he has to pay the bills. He says he buys things for me all the time. LIKE WHAT?! Food? ADEN AND RICHARD EAT FOOD TOO. Not like food is JUST mine.

Ugh ... I didn't realize that doing what I can to provide for my family was really a bad thing. We need the help right now ... money is tight, and all of our basic needs just ran out, or are darn close to it. Richard is so mad that I asked for help. He's too proud to ask for it, I had to. No big deal. It's like he'd rather us starve than forget about his pride for a minut and ask for help. It's not like I asked for money for my own selfish wants. I asked for help because ADEN needs things.

I can't believe this. And he's mad because he thinks he'll have to pay it back. He doesn't. My dad even said not to worry about. Of course I'll pay him back, when I can ... ME, not Richard.

This is ridiculous. Everyone needs help sometimes ...

A Realization

Richard's best friend annoys me lately. He is dating a girl who has a 2 year old, and he refers to him as his own kid ... saying he knows what it's like to be a parent. This has really annoyed me, but up until recently I couldn't really figure out why it annoys me.

I figured it out.

It bugs me because, as a kid who grew up around several different boyfriends of my mom's, and three step-parents in total (two step-dads and one step-mom) ... it would drive me CRAZY if any of those boyfriends or step-parents felt they were a real parent to me. Sure, this kid that Richard's friend has been treating like his own is only 2, so he's not old enough to be annoyed by it yet ... but if he were any older, he would HATE it.

I was talking to this friend one day about several things, including uh ... couple issues, and one of my excuses was that I have a kid and house stuff to do all day. Reasonable enough, you'd think. But no, he comes back with "I have a kid too ... and I clean my house and their house." I responded nicely, but I was thinking more along the lines of "You do NOT have a kid, don't even act like you do."

Seriously. Your girlfriend's kid is NOT the same as having your own kid ... even if they both spend most nights over there (talk about irresponsible parenting). No matter how much time you spend together, you're NOT family. It drives me insane.

He's so effing desperate to have his own kid after his last girlfriend miscarried ... now I guess he's taken to dating girls with kids to call his own. It's sad. I refuse to go over to his place with Aden anymore. I know, it's a little harsh of me, but ... grow up, dude. He's only 21 or 22, and so desperate for a family. What's the rush? He'll find a nice girl to marry and have kids with someday ... he doesn't need to intrude on someone else's family just to fulfill his odd needs. NO RUSH!