I. Hate. Money.

I do, I hate it.  Probably more than anything.  I hate talking about it, I hate dealing with, and I hate spending it (even on food and other basic needs, when I think I can't).  Of course... I wouldn't feel the same if I HAD any... but I feel like I never will and that stresses me out.

Hours were recently cut at Toys R Us, practically in half... so I went from working mostly 8-hour shifts 5 days a week, to working 6-hours or less 3 days a week.  That's a huge cut in pay.  We've been scraping by, but I don't want to do it much longer.  I took the "full-time" position at Toys R Us because I needed more money... and then only two weeks later, I wasn't getting the full-time hours any longer... the hours I need.

We have been planning on taking Aden down to my Grandpa's (NOW THAT I'VE GOT MY OVERNIGHTS BACK!!!!!!) next weekend, but now we're not sure we can afford it.  We both got paid today, but it's mostly gone after bills got paid.  It takes almost three hours to drive to my Grandpa's... so that quite a bit of gas, which ain't cheap these days.  And then we'd have to buy some snacks, probably beer, and probably outside toys for Aden while we're there.  As far as vacations go... it's cheap... but when you have next to no money, nothing is cheap.

I have even had to ask my dad for money so we can go.  I want to so bad, I know that Aden's dad will be more comfortable if, for my first overnight time with Aden, we're around my family - and there will be a lot of family there.  Richard wants to go (we both have the time off), I want to go, I know Aden would have a good time, his dad would be happier... and of course my family would like for us to go.  And, actually, we'll probably eat better there than we would at my house all weekend... so that's a plus too. And of course, there will be FREE fun there... as opposed to going to the zoo or something if we stay home.

It's just getting there and home that's the issue... which is why I had to ask my dad for money.  I hate doing that... I hate it so much... I'm twenty two, I shouldn't have to need help anymore... should I?  I know, it's probably fine... but I hate it.  My dad keeps thinking that me saying we might not be able to afford gas is my way of saying that Richard doesn't want to go... but it's not... we honestly might not be able to afford gas!!

So now, just thinking about it, I'm stressed, I feel sad, and I don't want to do anything.  I've tried everything to get more money... looking for another job (which I really don't want to do, because I do like mine)... looking for a second job... I just don't know what to do anymore. I have nothing I could sell - and even if I had anything of any value, I'm too much of a packrat to consider it.  I've thought many times of selling knitted stuff... but of course that's a business it would take money to start...

I just do not know what to do next.  We're looking at places to move to to save a little in rent... but beyond that, we're going to be in the same position financially for awhile. :(