Baby Fever ... Once Again

So, in case you've been living under a rock, I have baby fever. Working where I do, it just gets worse, and worse, and worse. So many cute babies ... so many pregnant women ... it's HARD.

And, my suspicions were proved right the other day when I found out one of the assistant managers at my work is indeed pregnant. I was unsure before, and obviously was afraid to ask, since it would probably be an insult if someone said "Are you pregnant?" when you are not. But, I found out that she is, and that she is due around the end of January.

As if that wasn't bad enough (I like the girl, but I'm crazy jealous), I found out yesterday that another assistant manager on baby side is pregnant! She found out only the day before, and she'd be about 5 weeks along.

BABY FEVER STRIKES AGAIN.

The first assistant manager will be (hopefully) going on maternity leave in December ... and if the second one is right about how far along she is, she'll be going on leave around May. And lucky me, I get to watch them get bigger, and bigger, and bigger ... and then it will be inevitable that they both, at some point, will bring their new babies in to work to show them off. I hope I can keep my jealously well-hidden for quite a while now.

They call it "the curse of the baby department" -- everyone getting knocked up. Three of us younger girls already have little ones (Aden being the oldest), two of us are pregnant, and the rest are all teenagers and older ladies (and let's hope none of them get pregnant) -- aside from Twilla, a friend of mine at work. She is 21 and in a commited relationship with a guy I went on a date with once (but that is a whole different story). She has wicked baby fever. I would hope that she wouldn't TRY to get pregnant, because at this point in their relationship it probably wouldn't be a good choice, but if she did ... wow. I would be super happy for her, and jealous at the same time of course ... and I would probably laugh because of the whole "curse" thing.

Bah ... really, I'm happy for all these preggos, but man ... it doesn't make my baby fever any easier!

A Story

Once upon a time, when I was in kindergarten (I think), I built a birdhouse at school with my dad. I painted it yellow.

Several years later (probably a couple years ago now), my dad told me that when I showed my mom my birdhouse, she was mad that it was painted yellow instead of just stained. She asked my dad why he didn't tell me to stain it instead, and why he let me paint it yellow. My dad said "She wanted it to be yellow."

That's my favorite story. It makes me tear up whenever I think about it, and I really don't know why.

Schedule

Yesterday, when I got to work, the first thing I did was look at the new schedule. I was a little disappointed when I looked at it. For the remainder of this week, I worked yesterday, I work tonight, and I work tomorrow. On the next schedule, I work Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. For those doing the math, that's eight days in a row. Yeah.

There are a couple of reasons I am disappointed with said schedule. I like the amount of hours on there, so no complaints there, BUT ... it's still a lot of days in a row. I have been told, more than once, that if I'm working Saturday I will most likely not be working Sunday, and vice versa. This is the second time I have been scheduled both of those days in a row. It's a lot on my feet, and that's alright ... but what really bums me out is not being able to spend at least one of those two days with my family.

The second reason I am disappointed is because I requested Tuesday off. Yes, I requested it a few days late (we're supposed to request days off 2 weeks in advance, and I did it about 10 days in advance) ... but it's just a Tuesday after all. It's not as though I requested a weekend off or anything. Luckily I talked to the manager that does the schedule and he said he'd put someone else on for that evening, since I do have to take Aden for his shots, after all -- naturally I didn't mention the Bif Naked concert that evening ... heh heh. I knew they'd be understanding and fix it. So at least I have one of those 8 scheduled days off now.

Of course, that second reason has me a bit worried. When I requested that Tuesday off, I also requested Thanksgiving weekend off for Thomas and Trenna's wedding, and some time off around my birthday, because Richard wants to go to Vegreville for it again. I'm kind of worried that they are just ignoring time off requests now, especially after a co-worker of mine was not given one of her requested days off a little while ago! I certainly hope they give me those days ... because it's not as though I'm requesting time off for the heck of it. I would very much like to attend my brother's wedding (especially since we're already RSVP'ed "yes"!). I wouldn't mind having to work my birthday weekend, but I'd surely appreciate that weekend off too!

Here's hoping!

Halloween

So far, I've had a few ideas for Aden for Halloween this year. Ultimately, I think we'll just keep checking out Cater Tot until we find something suitable ... since there's no way in hell I'm buying a brand new costume from a store.

I got a brilliant idea this morning, though ... a definitely possibility for Halloween this year: Handy Manny. It's one of his favorite TV shows, and I think it's something we could easily put together.

For those who don't know, here is Handy Manny:

We could find him a plain red hat, like this one: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B000K3LY5C/ref=asc_df_B000K3LY5C911373?smid=APCG45FOXJN54&tag=dealtmp1-20&linkCode=asn&creative=380341&creativeASIN=B000K3LY5C We could even get lucky and find one second hand, I bet.

Then, he could wear a green t-shirt (which I'm sure he has somewhere), or his Handy Manny iTalk t-shirt. I tried to find a picture of it, but I can't.

Obviously, any pair of jeans would work for it, so we're set there.

We could find some yellow gloves second hand too, I'm sure. Like he'd even keep them on anyway.

He's got a pair of brown boots he could probably wear, so that's good too.

Now for the tools ... hm ... It would be perfect if I could find this: http://www.shopping.com/xPO-Fisher-Price-Fisher-Price-Handy-Manny-s-Talkin-Tool-Box but we would have to see. I haven't seen them at work, but I could probably see if we had something similar. Obviously he wouldn't carry that around ... but it might work.

Just an idea. What does anyone think about that? Hm ...

Breastfeeding

I am not, nor have I ever been, the kind of person who thinks "breastfeed or die". That said, I do think that every mom should at least try. And when I say try, I mean actually try. I have so many mommy friends that say "Oh, breastfeeding just didn't work for us. We're doing formula now," when their baby is only a few weeks old. Really? That's not much of an attempt at trying to breastfeed!

Don't get me wrong. I have a ton of respect for all of my mommy friends, and at least they didn't all go straight to formula right from birth ... but STILL! It takes a lot more than a couple weeks, or a month, or even more than that, to really get the hang of breastfeeding ... at least for most of us. I know that as a whole, we are made to think that breastfeeding has to come naturally and that it does for all of us ... but let's face it, that's just not the case. But just because you aren't a breastfeeding expert right from day one (or two, or five, or ten, or thirty) doesn't mean you have failed and you need to switch to formula.

For us, I had no doubt in my mind that I would breastfeed. I knew all the good things about it, and I knew that doing the formula thing would be much too expensive for my liking. I was glad that breastfeeding went so well for our few days in the hospital. But it seemed like as soon as we got home, it stopped going well. It was so bad, in fact, that I started pumping for every feed. I didn't jump straight to that, though -- I did try to feed Aden, but it would get so painful I would cry and would have to stop. Then I would pump and feed him that way. But I still kept trying to feed him myself. Eventually, my nipples developed the callouse they needed, and I didn't have to pump for every feed anymore. We were finally successfully breastfeeding when Aden was about a month old, maybe even older. It was not a quick process ... but we did it. I really kept trying, and I didn't just give up at the first sign of a problem.

And that was not the last of our problems, either. When Aden was over 6 months old, and still spitting up a lot, we realized something wasn't right. After taking him to the doctor, the first possibility was a milk allergy. Uh-oh, time to give up breastfeeding, right? Wrong. The first thing I did was stop drinking milk or eating other things with lactose. Well ... I tried to, anyway. We did have to start supplementing with formula a lot at that time (nothing we were strangers too -- he sometimes had formula before that when he was babysat), because it was hard for me to stop drinking milk altogether! Eventually we learned that a milk allergy was not the problem, and we found out he had reflux. He had medicine for that for a few weeks and the problem was solved.

We ended up breastfeeding until Aden was about 10 months old. And, as I'm sure you've realized, we were not problem-free. While it did seem to come naturally to both me and Aden at first, it didn't stay that way. But I kept trying. It was so frustrating for that first month or so, but once we got the hang of it, I was glad I never gave up.

So I dunno ... it just really gets to me when friends of mine say "oh, it just isn't working for us" when their baby is still so young. At least they sort of tried in the first place, but really ... there are so many problems you can encounter in that first little while. It's not like the whole 6 months or 10 months or year you'll be breastfeeding will be that problematic. Yeah, some people do run into problems later on (like our whole possible lactose allergy), but the first month is by far the hardest. And it's not like breastfeeding is the only problem that comes up in the first month either. Your hormones are still on a rollercoaster, so it's not as though motherhood in general is the easiest thing in the first month ... and we still all get through that, because it's not like we can just give up motherhood. So why give up breastfeeding that quickly?

Bah .. I don't know, I guess I just don't get it. Like I said, at least those moms sort of try ... but to give up within the first month? It just doesn't seem like much of an attempt to me. I suppose if you weren't that into the idea in the first place, it's fine ... but if you really had your heart set on breastfeeding, and you give up only in the first few weeks ... I'm sure you see where I'm going with this ...

No Bus To Work For Me

Last week sometime, on the news, they talked about how employees at the new mall are unimpressed with their sad excuse for a transit system to get out there. As of right now, there are two bus routes: one comes to our town and has ONE stop here, and one stop in Calgary; the other has two stops in Calgary. That just isn't doing the trick, obviously. Apparently people are missing busses because they sometimes get delayed, or more importantly, the busses fill up and people have to wait at least an hour and a half for the next bus ... at which point they are generally late for work.

This morning, they had some semi-good news regarding that bus schedule: they are adding one bus. This is alright news ... but uh ... one bus just isn't going to do the trick.

This bus will most likely be another Calgary route, which makes sense, because Calgary is certainly a lot bigger than Airdrie, but ... why not add more busses? I'm sure a huge percentage of the mall's employees have to take the bus in ... so shouldn't the mall be willing to make it a lot easier for them? We're the ones working in the damn mall ... we have to get there somehow.

I would LOVE if they'd add another bus that comes to Airdrie. We need more than one stop here. Right now, the bus stops at Co-op -- that would be about a 40 minute walk for me. I could walk there, but the bus closest to my shift when I work at 5 comes at 3:45 ... and Richard isn't home until 3:40. So there is no time for him to drive me there when he gets home, nor is there time for me to walk there. If Aden wasn't a factor, obviously it would be a different story ... but with him involved, I can't just leave before Richard is home from work.

It would be perfect if they would change the exsisting Airdrie route and add another. They could have two stops. One centrally-located on the west side of town, and one centrally-located on the east side. Stopping at Co-op is stupid. Co-op, I should add, is almost as far south in Airdrie as you can get -- what about the people living in the south end??

FIX IT, damn mall!!

Wasted or Well-Accomplished?

I often feel torn with how I feel about the way my life has played out thus far. On one hand, I feel a sense of accomplishment. I am only twenty years old, I am not living with my parents, I am in a good relationship, and I damn near turned my life around in order to raise my son right. On the other hand, I feel like a failure. I'm twenty years old with an 18-month old son, my relationship sometimes really sucks, my house is a disaster, and I work at freaking Toys R Us. I'm quite sure it's normal to feel torn here -- hell, I'm sure there are very successful 30-something moms who are unsure about how they feel when it comes to the way their lives have gone!

I felt negatively about it a lot in the first few months of Aden's life ... but then I started to look at it from a more positive perspective, and I realized that I wasn't a complete failure. I realized I was a damn good stay-at-home mom, I was learning to cook, and I was doing my best to balance parenting, keeping my house looking decent, and being a good "wife". I have never been like a lot of moms my age ... who dump their kids on the grandparents and go get drunk. In that sense, I have always considered myself pretty accomplished. I could've been a huge screw-up like that, but I'm NOT.

Now, though, I find myself feeling like a failure more and more. All that has really changed is my working status (I went from a full-time stay-at-home to working evenings and weekends), and the state of my house (obviously when I'm working I don't have the energy to clean house all day the next day). But I don't know ... I feel like a screw-up again.

I think it has a lot to do with my job. I work at Toys R Us -- well, Babies R Us, to be specific -- and don't get me wrong, I love my job. BUT. The majority of the people I work with are teenagers ... which means, for the most part, they are not parents. And the people running the place -- the department managers, assistant managers, etc. -- are obviously used to being in charge of mostly teenagers. And even the ones who aren't teenagers are around my age, and also are not parents.

Anyway ... so people are quite surprised when they find out I am a mom. My availability comes in conversation, or me not working for 2.5 years, or something like that ... and conversation always goes something like this:

Co-worker: "Do/did you go to school or something?"
Me: "No, I stay/stayed home with my son."
Co-worker: "... Oh ... you have a son ...?"
Me: "Yeah."
Co-worker: "... Oh ... how old are you ...?"
Me: "Almost 21."
Co-worker: "... Oh ..."

It's always kind of an awkward conversation ... and I'm not really sure what's more surprising to people: the fact that I have a kid at home, or the fact that I'm almost 21! Yeah, yeah, I don't look my age ... I KNOW. It probably doesn't help that I'm surrounded my teenagers most of the time, so of course I look 16/17/18 years old like they do. But no ... I'm almost 21. So really, it's not THAT bad that I have an 18-month old!

So, the whole young mom thing makes me feel somewhat like I've failed ... especially when I'm helping a customer with something at work, and me having an 18-month old comes up in my whole advice speech. I'm sure 90% of those parents or grandparents look at me and assume I'm a teenage mom ... when in fact I'm not.

And another reason I feel like I've failed is the fact that I work at Toys R Us. I feel like at my age, I should be in college, or at least working a more "grown-up" job ... like a receptionist or something. Instead, I work where I work. I know, it's stupid, but that's just how I feel at times.

I mean ... I LOVE my job. I've said it many times before, and I'll say it many times again. I am one of the only people with a young kid who works in baby -- the other moms that work in there have grandkids in middle school! They have not had their own young children in a long time, so even though they can offer advice, it's not necessarily updated advice. Make sense? Having an 18-month old, I know what I'm talking about when it comes to everything from carseats to strollers to bottles to breastpumps. Hence, I rock at my job.

Bah ... I have to stop feeling negative. My job doesn't suck ... I'm good at it. Who cares if someone thinks it's not good enough? And I don't suck either ... I'm still a good mom, even though I'm working now, and even though I can't keep up with my housework. I'll figure all that out eventually.

Sometimes I'm so silly ... I'm no failure.

Why Do We Even Bother?

Just now, I was watching Rich Bride, Poor Bride -- or as I like to call it: Rich Bride, Even Richer Bride -- and of course the wedding topic came up between Richard and I. I don't know why we even bother to talk about it -- I don't think it's actually ever going to happen. Don't get me wrong ... I want it to happen ... I just don't think it will be worth all the fighting that is bound to happen in the planning process. Yeah, he claims I would be making the majority of the decisions ... but since money is a hot-button issue with us, arguing would no doubt be a big part of it.

He figures we'll budget about $5000. Yeah, whatever. I'm not making a budget now, since we have ZERO plans for a date or anything. I didn't argue it, of course ... no point in doing that. At least he's not giving me a completely outlandish number like $250 or something.

Anyway, while watching the show, they said how much their wedding planner cost. JOKINGLY, I said, "My wedding planner is free!", since Hannah will obviously be helping me with a lot of the planning stuff. Richard goes, "On a $5000 budget there's no point in a planner."

Cue eye rolling here.

"You can get a dress, we can get food ... " Blah, blah, blah. Yes, Richard, but there is still PLANNING. Planning a wedding does not just mean how and where you spend your money. You don't just throw people in a room and hope they find something to do. You have to PLAN out your night.

Then I had to go on to explain that I'm not in the market to HIRE a wedding planner. Hannah WANTS to be an event planner, and I will DIE OF STRESS if I have to plan the entire thing myself -- hence, Hannah will obviously help me with all of that. You know ... to ease the stress.

I guess Richard must see no stress in the wedding planning process. Whatever, buddy.

Yeah ... it's no wonder we haven't made any set plans for a wedding yet ...

Will it ever happen? I feel like it won't ... but I guess we'll see!

I DO Know What I'm Talking About

I love my job, and I love helping people who don't really know what they're looking for when it comes to strollers and whatnot ... and I really love when people trust what I'm saying, despite how young I look, and all that.

People don't straight up ask for someone else's help, like they did at Wal-mart on more than one occasion -- I worked in the Wal-mart fabric department when I was 17/18 and people doubted that I knew what I was talking about, since I was young -- but sometimes I can tell that they are not trusting what I am saying.

Take last night, for example.

I had a couple with a baby, who was probably around 6 months old, asking me about a set of Avent bottles. It was a "beginner" set -- a few bottles, a few nipples, and a steamer or something -- and they were confused as to why it only came with beginner nipples (the 0-6 month ones) instead of the next step up (6 months+, or whatever came next). I could not get it through their heads that because it's a beginner-type of set, it did not come with the next nipples, and I could not just swap it out for them.

I tried in several different ways to explain to them that they would have to buy the bigger nipples seperately, but they did not get it. I explained to them that typically the people that buy those beginner sets are people who are expecting their first baby, people who just had their first baby, or people buying a gift for someone who was expecting/just had a baby. TYPICALLY. They said "So people with older baby's don't buy them?" I said, "No, they do ... but usually it's people with newborns". These people were so damn dense!

Finally they got annoyed with me, and said "Thanks" in a very unappreciative manner so I would leave. I got the sense that they assumed I was BS-ing my way through my speech, even though I knew exactly what I was talking about -- Aden was 6 months once too, and he even used Avent bottles. In retrospect, I should've directed them towards the Nuby bottles, or something else that had more "grown up" nipples ... but whatever. Fuck 'em. They can go shop somewhere else and get assistance from an old boot who does BS her way through things like that.