Meds and Turkey

Well, I have officially made one of the most grown-up (in other words, scary) decisions I have made my entire life: I started on anti-depressants.  I'm on a one-month trial of it, and I'm two days in.  There are only a few people that know about it, but I'm sure the people who don't would be very pleased to know that I am taking their advice.

Obviously they won't have a very noticeable affect on me for awhile (3 to 4 weeks, they said), but I'm really hoping it goes well.  Yesterday surprised me a little though.  I decided to lay down for awhile, after a night of bad sleep, and I ended up passing out for almost three hours.  That's pretty insane, considering the longest I ever usually nap is an hour, not even.  And then of course I got a shitty sleep last night, thanks to all the sleeping from the day before.


Anyway, that said, I need some advice from whoever reads this!

I am thinking of doing my very first Thanksgiving this year.  It's getting to be a little late to think about it, since Thansgiving is like... three weeks away, but I guess that's still enough time, considering it'd probably just be Richard and I, so I wouldn't have to make a whole ton of food.

So here's what I need advice on: How hard is it to do a turkey dinner for the first time?  I'm just thinking a small turkey (considering there'd just be two of us), mashed potatoes (we're talkin' from a box), stuffing (again, from a box), some veggies (frozen, of course), and pie (probably store-bought, even though I am very anti-store bought pie). So does it sound do-able?

I know comments aren't working on here for some reason... but given that most of you who actually read this are my friends elsewhere, your advice would be greatly appreciated!

Canada Arts Connect

In an attempt to win tickets to Cirque du Soleil's Kooza, I am writing about this awesome website!  I had never heard of this website prior to my hunt for Kooza tickets, but I'm definitely gonna search around on it now that I've come across it.  After all, I am a fan of the arts!

Wish me luck!  I'd love these tickets and I'd love to take Richard to the show as a late birthday gift!

A Little Update

So I got my hand fixed.  Two pins in my fifth metacarpal on my right hand, and everything down to my elbow in a cast until October fourth.  Yes, I probably could've blogged about this sooner, but as it's my right hand that's hurt, I held off.  I probably won't be blogging much in the next 22 days until the cast is off (yes, I'm counting).  I'm actually getting pretty good at typing with just my left hand... it just gets uncomfortable doing it for a long time.

So given that my right hand is no good for awhile yet, my job hunt is on hold.  I applied at between 10 and 15 places before the drama went down, and never heard back from any of them... so an unsuccessful hunt remains unsuccessful.

And like I feared after everything happened, Aden's dad is VERY hesitant to let me be around much until I get "help".  He thinks I actually need to go stay in a hospital in order to be healthy.  No, I don't think I can go without help at this point... I'm actually going to my doctor on Tuesday to talk to him about the possibility of anti-depressants -- something I've avoided for years.  I know things aren't going to get any better for me if I don't at least talk to someone about everything.  Trying to control things myself only got me a fractured hand.

As for my friends, things are actually okay.  After all the not-so-nice words that were exchanged, it turns out Carly and Luis weren't quite ready to forget about us and our friendship.  So the friendships worth saving were saved, and the ones that were easy to erase were erased.  Now, things are much more okay around here.

Of course Richard still thinks I should move, but he knows I can't until I'm working, and he knows I can't work until my cast comes off, so he's not trying to force me out before I'm ready.  I love it here, more than anywhere, but if it's in our best interest that I leave, I will.

My life constantly seems like earthquake after earthquake... and I'm just looking forward to the day all that slows down a little bit and things can be a little more stable for me.  I don't see that anytime soon, but I know I'll get there eventually.

Long Story Short...

I have one hell of a story to tell you all... but I can't type all that well right now, so I'll have to make it short and sweet.  Well... minus the sweetness.

On Sunday, Aden and I went to stay at Carly and Luis' house for a little while.  It was Carly's idea and it was extremely sweet of them to let us stay.

But of course, I screwed up.

I started to really go crazy on Monday night.  Aden was, well, being two, and I started feeling stuck, like I do when I'm forced to stay at my dad's house.  Richard was ignoring my texts and I felt like he was the only one I could talk to about it.

Finally Aden got tired, around 8:30, and we went to go have some quiet time in the guest room.  I realized I had no clothes to wear the next day, so I asked Luis if he could take us to my house so I could get something.

The evening got extremely sour from there.  We pulled up to our apartment and I thought I recogized my biggest enemy's car in the parking lot.  I left Aden in the car with Luis (the plan all along) and dashed upstairs.  I opened the door and sure enough, the slut's shoes were there.  I burst in and punched her in the head, screaming at her to get out.  Richard followed her out and I called Aden's dad to come and get him because I was pretty sure I'd broken my hand.  I told him what I did and he was on his way.

I was terrified then, that I'd never get to see my son again after his dad came... that I'd surely be kicked out of the apartment... that I was bound to lose every single one of my friends.  The four of us (me, Luis, Richard and Aden) sat in the hallway looking out the big window that's there so we could see Aden's dad.  I apologized to Luis several times and hugged and kissed Aden a thousand times.  I was crying the whole time and Aden kept asking what was wrong and wiping the tears off my face.  It broke my heart.

His dad came to get him and I brought him down.  His dad wanted more than anything to come up and hit Richard, but I assured him it was all my fault -- nothing to do with him.

Luis left after that, and Richard and I went back to the apartment.  It was getting late but the night wasn't over.  There was a lot of yelling left to happen after that.

We very quickly realized, though, that for some reason, people weren't blaming me entirely for what happened.  People started getting mad at Richard and blaming him -- Carly, slut-face, slut-face's mom -- they were calling and threatening him.  Carly and Luis weren't even mad at me, and now... now they don't even want to be Richard's friends.  It's not fair to him at all.  Yes, it was a situation that couldn't have happened if it weren't for him... but I'm still the only one to blame.

After a lot of him hating me and me dreading being kicked out, he realized something: all he has now is me.  He lost three of his friends that day (his friend Laura also decided to end their friendship that day, due to an unrelated incident), he lost slut-face, and he decided he should probably quit Toys R Us too.  He knows I'm not going to leave his life unless he wants me to... and he realized that after losing all that, he hasn't lost me.

So at the end of the night, I still have a place to live, I still have a best friend, Richard still loves me (even though he should hate me), and we still get to be happy.  Things have come out in the open and maybe things are even better here than they were before.  I don't know when I get to see Aden now, because I can't have him alone anymore (a choice his dad made that I respect), but perhaps a break will be good.


Now... YESTERDAY... oh what a day.

We went to my doctor (Richard came with me) in an emergency situation... otherwise it would've been like a three month wait.  They looked at my hand and decided it wasn't too bad -- it was swollen and my palm was bruised -- but they'd send me for an x-ray anyway.  So I went for the x-ray and then back to the doctor.  To everyone's surprise, I had a pretty bad fracture.  It's called a boxer's fracture.  There's a very obvious split down from my pinky.

So the doctor sent me to the emergency room where we waited for 2 hours.  Finally they called my name and looked at my hand.  They wrapped it up and gave me the number for a plastic surgeon who I was to call at 9 this morning.  They told me he'd have to put a pin in my hand to stop the bone from sliding.  In a more severe situation like mine, a cast just won't do it.

Don't worry though... I'm quite sure my hands hurts a lot more than that bitch's head.  I'm quite sure I just suck at punching.  No one will know for sure, cause there's no way in hell I'm asking and Richard's not either.

I'm headed back to the hospital at 11:30 today, to meet the doctor in MINOR effing SURGERY.  I'm terrified and I'd love more than anything for Richard to come with me... but he went back to work today.  I can handle it alone, but... some company would be nice.