It's Winter ... Again

I can't believe how it looks outside! I'm pretty sure there's currently more snow on the ground than there was at any given time during all of winter -- the actual winter, not the several relapses we've had since "spring" started. It started snowing yetserday around, oh, nine ... and this is what it looked like at about eleven:



It wouldn't have been so bad if it stopped there, but no ... it just kept coming down. And not lightly either. The flakes got bigger and bigger, and came down faster and faster, and then the wind started to blow, which didn't help. It snowed well into the night, and this is what we woke up to:



Gross, isn't it?

I mean, it's not like snow in April is uncommon ... but on the twenty-ninth of April? We're far too close to May for this to feel right! I mean, only a week or two ago, it was up to like ... twenty five out there! That's like early summer temperatures! And now? It's winter. AGAIN.

My Best Friend's Wedding and Being Stubborn

On Saturday, my best friend got married. It was the best wedding I've ever been to, I think. Nothing went wrong, and aside from some nerves, it was a perfect day. At least I think so. I'm sure she would agree.

On Friday, the three of us (the bride, the bridesmaid, and myself) spent the day together. Blair, the bride, was extremely nervous, which is understandable. I was just more excited than anything, even though I was getting more and more nervous for the speech I'd have to give on Saturday. After all we got done on Friday, we actually got to bed at a decent hour. We were in bed by 10:30, and I'm happy to tell you that we all slept wonderfully.

On Saturday, we were up at 8 to go get our hair done! By the time it was all done, we were ALL very nervous, though I did my best not to show it, because I knew it wouldn't help Blair's nerves. After getting all ready to go, we left for the ceremony. I think all of our tummies were doing flip flops in the car. I'm happy to say, though, that we hadn't cried ... yet! Once we got to the hall, we were shuffled into a room off to the side ... and then the nerves REALLY kicked in. For the entire time before the wedding, Blair was not convinced that her husband-to-be was really there. Her aunt did her best to convince her of that, but Blair wasn't convinced. And then, a few minutes before the ceremony started, she heard him talking out in the hallway ... and then the waterworks began. She started crying, then I started crying, and both her mom and her bridesmaid had to look away so they wouldn't cry to. That was the first time we all cried together ... and it was not the last!

Finally, it was time for the walk down the aisle. I was only a little nervous for that part, mainly because I hate when people are watching me. I tried not to rush down, but I'm pretty sure I did. After I got down to the end, it was time for Blair, her mom, and her brother. I kept it together pretty good until they were almost to the end, when Blair let out a little gasp from crying. Then I broke down and the tears came again. I think I was tearing up through the whole ceremony, even though I tried to keep it together and not full out cry.

After the ceremony, I'm quite sure we all rushed back down the aisle. We were all pretty eager to get out of there! Then it was one of the things I was most scared for: the receiving line. There were a few people I was very excited to see, and one I was particularly nervous for. Luckily, though, it went well, and I even hugged my old best friend. I got hugs from everyone I haven't seen for at least 3 years, and it went very well.

From there, we all piled in the limo where I got some FANTASTIC pictures. We went to the zoo for pictures, and know what? As soon as we left in the limo, it started to rain, and that very quickly turned into SNOW. I'm SO glad it waited until after we left the zoo! We decided we were all STARVING, so we went to get hot dogs, fries, and milkshakes. HELL YEAH. Don't worry, though -- we covered Blair in napkins! After our bellies were all filled, we kinda just drove around the city in the limo, to waste time before the reception. And you know what? 3 out of the 6 of fell asleep! Yeah! First Blair fell asleep, then the groomsman fell asleep, then the best man. We are such party animals!

Finally, it was reception time ... and I was nervous as hell. Dinner and everything seemed to go way too fast, because then it was time for my speech. I was shaking so bad, and I'm quite sure half of my words didn't come out, but Blair understood it all, and we both bawled ... and that's all that really matters.

And then ... it was party time! We all had SO much fun, even Aden, who was extremely tired once all the speeches were done. I even danced with all my old friends, even the ones who had become enemies. It was overall an amazing night. I made some new friends and made things better with old ones ... it was just perfect! Blair had a good night too, I know it. Like I said, it was by far the best wedding I've ever been to!



In other news, Aden's dad is being a jerk. BIG SURPRISE.

Aden got sick yesterday, with the flu or something ... and his dad told me there was no way he'd bring Aden over here today. I offered to go over there instead, but no ... he would rather miss work AGAIN because he's so damn stubborn. He's going to end up losing his job because he's too stubborn to even LET me be a good mom. He's making me feel like a deadbeat parent, and he's making me look like I am one, but I realized that it's really not me ... it's HIM. He's actually preventing me from being a good mom, and it's making me look horrible. He has got to stop keeping Aden from me, withholding information from me, etc ... because it does not work out well. He's going to end up losing his job because he's so damn stubborn and then what?

Ugh ... I don't even what to get into that topic too much because it's only going to piss me off. Let's just say this has gotten way out of hand and I'm back to getting mad about it ALL the time.

Enjoy! :P

Just Thinkin'

I've been thinking a lot about the future lately. My life is finally going a way I like (aside, of course, from the whole messy "custody" battle thing), so it's really got me thinking more about ... later on in life. Like right now, I'm living at my dad's house. That is the first thing that's really got to change. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't like living here -- I love seeing my parents and my sister every day, they love seeing Aden as much as they have been, and Aden loves seeing them. But it's just not ... ideal. I don't get to see Aden as much as I'd like, and he doesn't get to stay overnight with me nearly enough. So my living situation is definitely the first change I'll be making in the future. And know what? I've already got plans to do it. Yeah, for once in my life, I'm making future plans. Look at me! I'm a grown-up! Well ... almost. Ha ha! Anyway, yeah, I'm making serious moving out plans, and I'm stoked about it. While I won't be living on my own (I just can't afford to), I will be living with people I definitely trust with me, and especially with Aden. I'll move to the city with three of the people I trust most, both with me and with Aden. They're all very accepting of Aden, so I know it will work out very well. We're hoping to get a place by the end of summer, so it's really not too far in the future!

So there's the moving out issue taken care of ... or at least, plans for moving out. From there, I don't really know what comes next. I think that I kind of want to go back to school. For what, I don't quite know yet, but I'm finally feeling like I want to DO something with my life. I have a job I love right now, and that's starting to show me that I really want a CAREER I love, that I can do forever. Work has shown me that, and even more so, Boyfriend has shown me that. He's about to finish college, and he's making me so proud -- I kind of want a reason for him to be proud of me too! And, of course, I want Aden to be proud of his mom. That's important too.

Do you want to know what I'd really sort of like to be? It's something I've considered on and off for probably my whole life, in one way or another ... and I'm back to considering it again. I'd really sort of like to be a journalist. What do you guys think? I mean ... judging by my writing on here, do you think that's something I could do? I know you can really leave comments in my blog -- I should really try and figure out why that doesn't work -- but you all would have your ways of telling me somewhere else. I could really use some opinions here!

Yeah, I've got a lot on my mind lately, regarding the future. I've never really thought about that stuff before, at least not as in depth as I have been lately. It's kind of scary to think about sometimes, but it's pretty exciting at the same time. See? This whole breaking up thing has sort of pushed me into growing up, and I actually want to. I love it.

Things Are Good Again ... For Now

So, I don't think I mentioned it in my last post, but Richard served me papers last week. He got mad and filed papers. Basically, they said nothing TOO unreasonable, so luckily, the situation didn't get TOO messy. I had plans to go to legal aid last week, so I could file my own papers and argue his claim, but after going over the papers, I realized I really had nothing to argue. He basically stated on them that every decision regarding Aden would go through us both, except for where he lives, which would be Richard's choice. Like I said in my previous post, I know this is only because of WHO I'll be living with, and probably because my financial situation is not as stable as Richard's. Fair enough, I think. And I'm choosing not to argue the current living situation, because well, I can't. As it is right now, Aden comes over Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays during the days, and if I ever wanted him on a weekend, he could come then too. He goes to a dayhome on Mondays and Thursdays, so he can socialize, and he stays with his dad every night, just because his room is there and he's got his own bed and stuff.

We've also both agreed that that living situation can and will change once I am able to move out of my dad's house ... and that when that day comes, we don't want to go and file papers to change it, unless we need to of course. Once I can move out into a place where Aden CAN have his own room, he'll be able to stay with me when work allows, and we can spend more weekends together and stuff. I'm already looking forward to it, even though that day won't be coming anytime in the forseeable future. Richard has even said he'll gladly drive Aden into the city (it's only about a 20 minute drive), where I've already told him I'll be living, as long as he doesn't ALWAYS have to (deal) and I can give him gas money (deal). He's said he'll never bring him to the door, just in case my boyfriend answers, which is fair enough, but he won't refuse to bring him over. So, I'm happy. Things are working out in my favor on that account, so I've got nothing to complain about! He still isn't comfortable, I'm sure, with my choice of boyfriend, but hopefully someday he'll realize that he's NOT a bad guy. I wouldn't endanger myself or Aden by being with someone I didn't trust, so of course I trust my boyfriend.

In case anyone was wondering, my boyfriend still hasn't met Aden. It's really hard for us to get together when we're not working beforehand, because we live in different cities and we don't drive. So luckily, we are able to take the Aden situation very slow. I know he'll love Aden when he meets him, and that won't put a strain on our relationship -- if it hasn't already, it won't. But still, I'm glad we can't rush it. It's kind of nice having those two parts of my life seperate for now. Don't get me wrong ... I WANT them to meet, and I look forward to the day that they can ... but it's still probably good that they haven't yet. And don't worry. Even once they do get to meet, I won't be all ... coupley in front of Aden. I would feel ... strange doing that. I plan on slowly introducing the boyfriend into his life, so he won't resent him. I'm aware Aden's only two, so he can't automatically hate the guy ... but I'm sure he could still have less-than-happy feelings towards him.

Anyway ... rambling.

Overall, I'm content again. Hopefully it'll last this time, and Richard won't freak out again for any reason. He finally seems to be accepting the fact that I really am happy with someone else, despite the fact that Richard is a racist jerk. He's not comfortable with it, by any means, but he doesn't want the two of us to be miserable anymore. He wants Aden to be happy, and he finally seemst to be realizing that in order for that to keep happening, he can't go making MY life a living hell.

Hopefully the non-complaining can stick for awhile. I don't like having a million things to complain about! I'd much rather type out a short blog post than ramble on and on about how miserable I am!


OH! I've told you all about the one chick at work who was my enemy right? The one who was technically my boss and LOVED it? WELL she and I are no longer enemies. As it turns out, she was thriving on my dissatisfaction with my life, and she was only making it worse. Now, she sees that I'm happy and that I'm actually capable of being good at my job, and she and I have actually gotten very close. It's strange ... I actually sort of look forward to working with her. I love it!

Yep ... life is good!

An Itty Bitty Update

Things are basically all over the place right now. There's the Aden/Richard situation, the "Work Guy" situation, and there's work -- three completely different things to talk about today!


First of all, Richard. Ah, what a delight that man is ... um ... not so much. He keeps getting very angry whenever he finds out I've gone out with my friends and stayed with my boyfriend on the weekends ... and when that happens, he begins to lash out and start making unnecessary decisions. This weekend, he took things way too far. I stayed in the city twice this weekend -- Friday night and Sunday night -- and he did NOT like that. He started threatening to take me to court and make it so I can NEVER have Aden overnight, even once I am able to move out of my dad's house. Mainly, this is because he assumes I will be living with my boyfriend, and because he's not white, Richard can't stand it. The way he puts it, he doesn't want someone "like that" to be raising his child. Uh ... stop right there, buddy, cause whoever I'm with will NOT have a huge hand in raising my son -- I already know that, and my boyfriend agrees with me. Richard and I will always be the only ones raising Aden -- that won't change depending on who I'm with. It doesn't work that way.

Anyway ... yeah. He told me he's taking me to court and he's going to make it so I HAVE to go on meds for bi-polar (which I haven't even been diagnosed for, by the way), and so I have no choice in where Aden lives. He wants it to always be HIS choice, which means he will never get to live with me. I'll get him on weekdays during the day, just like I do now, and that is NOT what I want. He's even keeping Aden from me until we get to go to court. Um ... yeah. I have been begging him since yesterday to bring Aden over at LEAST one day this week, because I am not going to wait until we go to court to see my son. Hell, I don't even want this to go to court! And as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't have to. He wants to make it messy and a huge inconvenience to me. Basically, he wants to make my life miserable. He wants to stop me from being with my boyfriend, mainly because he's extremely racist. It's EXTREMELY frustrating!!

He's trying to tell me I'm a horrible mother, because I go out and enjoy myself when Aden's schedule allows. Just to be clear, I DON'T leave town when I know Aden is coming over the next day. My friends and my boyfriend would love to spend more time together, but I tell them I can't, except on weekends or the days Aden goes to the day home. And they're fine with that. They obviously aren't going through the same shit I am, but they are trying to be very understanding of the situation. They know Aden is my life and that even though I spend a lot of time with them now, he still comes first. Richard and my family don't see it that way, of course, but that's too bad for them. I know how I feel and I know what I'm doing. I'm not going to be like Richard and sit and home getting angry about everything when Aden isn't coming over -- I am just enjoying the time I have where "Mom" is not my number one job! Is there anything wrong with that? No, I don't think there is.


Which leads me to my next point: my boyfriend. I'm pretty much falling in love with the guy more every day! All of the drama with Richard really started happening while I was over there yesterday, and I always get scared when things get like that ... because I really don't know how much my man can take. I'm always afraid he'll get sick of all the drama in my life and he'll decide it's not worth it. But no, it's completely opposite of that. He tries to comfort me through it, and you know what? He's SUCH a big help. He's in school right now to be a legal assistant, so he knows plenty about family law. He has been telling me about all this stuff I didn't know about before, so now, I know exactly what Richard and I can do without going to court. Richard and I both want it to be as clean as it can, and now, because of my brilliant boyfriend, I know exactly how to do that. HA!

Anyway, my lovely boyfriend is so on board still. He still wants to do all we can to make it so everything is good. I feel like I've been dragging him through the mud with all this drama, but he's still here. That's saying something! He used to be scared of commitment and all that typical stuff ... but with me, he's not. He's ready for so much, and I love him for it. He's ready to deal with all the drama that I'll no doubt be dealing with forever, and I'm so glad to have him there with me for all of it. I can guarantee that I would not be handling all of this so well if I didn't have him. I'd probably be a wreck.

And not to mention my amazing friends! Our two best friends -- I've referred to them before as C and L, I believe -- have been so amazing through all of this. They were there yesterday when all the bull shit started, and they stuck by me. I haven't had friends this good since high school, and since those basterds all ditched me when I was pregnant, I guess you could say that C and L are the best friends I've had EVER! I love those two so much ... I can honestly say I think we'll all be close forEVER!


What else ... oh yeah ... WORK! Work is going AMAZINGLY! I can safely say that Sunday was BY FAR the best shift I've ever had at work, and NOT because I worked with my best friends and my boyfriend! That's a first! At work, we have to sell protection plans. Until a few months ago, this was not something I liked doing. I felt horrible doing it. But now, I'm ... good. I wouldn't say I'm great at it, but I do enough to keep my job. On Sunday, however, I did a kick-ass job! I sold the most in the store that day! HELL YEAH! And the result of that is getting more shifts! WOO!


That's pretty much it. Enjoy!

Life is GOOD

I'm so happy now. I'm honestly happier than I've been in a long, long time ... probably since I was with my high school boyfriend. I mean ... I have been happy other times since then, but I wasn't really ME while I was happy before. Does that even make sense? Ah well.

Anyway ... yeah. I'm very happy with the way things are right now. I've been spending every day over at Richard's, because Aden's still had a bit of a fever until today, so it's just been easier for me to come over here. It means that Richard is okay with seeing me and talking to me again ... at least for now ... so I'm happy with that. He's trying to put more effort into being civil, and I appreciate it.

And obviously things are going well with good ol' "Work Guy", as he's so fondly become. More people are starting to find out about us at work, and I love their reactions. The general consensus seems to be that people are surprised and they didn't see it coming, but that we look very good together. It makes me SO happy to hear that people think we're good together! And people can tell how happy I am too. I mean, I wasn't exactly unhappy at work before ... but they can tell there's a difference now. Before, I was happy because I was at work and away from my problems at home. Now, I'm just happy in general! Every day!

But ... we had a talk the other day, about how he'd really like to leave here eventually ... and sooner than later. It was a really frustrating talk, and I was honestly scared he was going to end things right there. BUT we talked about it, and we both agreed that a little bit of time together to be really happy is better than no time at all, even if we end up getting hurt in the end. He keeps saying that if, when he's ready to leave, he thinks it will hurt him too much to leave me, he won't. The last thing I want to do is keep him here unhappy, but I'm not going to push him away either. I want him to be happy with whatever he's doing, of course.

Anyway ... enough of that, it doesn't matter. Let's see ... what else can I talk about?

Oh! Work! Work is going fabulously! I am finally doing a good job as a cashier, and the managers are all noticing. I'm getting pats on the back basically every shift. So, because I have been doing so well (and better every day), I asked for more shifts. And you know what? I GOT THEM. I've got FIVE shifts next week. FIVE! I'm ecsatic about it! And as long as I keep up the good work, I'll continue to have a lot of shifts.

GO ME!

Hey, it's my 100th blog entry!

This post has nothing to do with this being my 100th entry, but I figured I had to mention it ... so it's in the title. Ha ha!


ANYWAY!

I guess I owe you all the details of my DATE this weekend! Well, I will gladly tell you the story!

On Saturday, I went into work ecstatic. I was so excited that Saturday was finally here! One of my best work friends (actually, I think it's safe to say that she's my BEST work friend), the only one who knows about everything between Work Guy and I, was there ... and I just grinned at her. She knew about our plans for that night, and actually, we had decided that half the date would be a double date with her and her secret work boyfriend ... so she was involved in our plans as well! She said later that it was cute how excited I was that day. Nothin' was gonna get me down! EVEN THOUGH it was Saturday and I would have to endure all three of my greatest work nemesises -- is that even a word? -- that day ... nothing was gonna bring me down! Nemesis #1 even noticed how happy I was, and she had no desire to bother me all day after that!

On my lunch break that day, I got some bad news from Richard. Aden was very sick. He had to take him to the walk-in earlier and they had no idea what was happening. Aden's throat was very closed up, and he couldn't breathe well, nor could he swallow at all. They gave him some kind of steroid to help it, and sent them to the pharmacy to get something for it. They took a throat swab or something, but they had no answers yet. They told Richard to take Aden home, and hopefully he'd get better in a matter of days.

I thought seriously about cancelling my date, and even told Work Guy that maybe we should ... but Richard told me he didn't need me, and that was that. The date would go on. Wahoo!

Shortly before 5:30 that day, when my shift was almost over, Work Guy showed up. A friend of mine at work was standing near my till, and I saw her look towards the mall entrance and wave at somebody. I wondered who it was and then I realized it might've been Work Guy! So I twirled around, and it was! I was so happy to see him! Even after my lunch-time drama, my day was still great.

FINALLY it was time for our date! I went and swiped out for the day and, if I had more energy, I probably would've skipped all the way to the break room, I was so excited! Work Guy was back there, talking to another guy who was off right then. He was asking Work Guy what he was doing, and he said he was going to a movie. B, we'll call him, said, "with who?" Work Guy simply looked at me, and I got a huge smile on my face. B clued in real quick and responded with an "ohhhh!" It made me pretty happy.

I had decided in advance that I would bring some better clothes for after work -- I didn't want to be looking the way I do at work for our first date! So I changed after that, and I felt much more ... comfortable. We walked out to the mall's bus pick-up after that, and got on the bus with another guy from work. He didn't want to have much to do with us though ... perhaps cause we kept KISSING before the bus left! Ha ha!

On the bus ride, Richard kept texting me. He was trying to make me feel like a horrible mother for not coming there after work -- and, by the way, he assumed that I was out with Work Guy when I told him I wasn't coming -- EVEN THOUGH he told me not to. He later said that he had asked me to come there and I refused. I know that if had flat-out said "Hey, I need you to come help me" I would've cancelled my date and been there. But he didn't. So I refused to feel like a bad mother.

It didn't take long for the bus to get to the movie theater we were going to. It was SO COLD on the 5-minute walk from the bus drop-off to the theater ... but it didn't matter. I was still happy to be there. We -- actually, I -- decided to see The Bounty Hunter. It was a good choice. We paid enough attention to know it was funny ... but we didn't have to feel bad when we decided to kiss for a few minutes instead, since it was a comedy and the story didn't matter a whole lot! Ha!

After the movie, we took a bus to Boston Pizza where we met that other secret couple from work -- we'll call them ... C and L. I was so excited to meet them there. Not only was it my first "real" date that night, but it was also my first double date, AND my first time out with a couple I actually liked. Plus, even though I knew they were a couple, I had never really seen them act coupley before ... obviously because they're a secret couple at work. And they had only seen Work Guy and I act like a couple once before ... when we decided to not hide what we had the previous Wednesday.

We ended up staying at Boston Pizza that night until about 11:30, if not later. I don't think I've ever sat in a restaurant that long after eating. We were there about two hours, maybe more! We talked about so many things ... one of the highlights of the evening being when I found out about all the sneakiness going on at the place where we all work! I won't get into any details ... but I found out some juicy stuff that night!

We finally decided we were all really tired, and since we all had to work the following morning, it was time to go. Work Guy and I made our way to the nearest bus stop, and once we got there ... boy, did we have fun waiting. The bus didn't come for another 15 minutes, about, and we took that private time to our advantage. We'll just say ... I really love kissing that man.

Once the bus came, we found out that it's next stop was it's last stop for the evening -- and it wasn't going as far as we needed it to. As it turned out, the only other guy taking that bus needed to go to the same place we did, so the driver decided to be nice and take us as far as the end of the street we needed to be on. It still wasn't as far as we needed to go, but it would do. It was about a 25 minute walk from where we got off the bus, to Work Guy's place, but I was willing to walk -- I walk more than that nearly on a daily basis, so what was 25 minutes? And it was a GOOD walk. We'd stop every so often to just kiss ... and I loved it. It was fucking cold out ... but I didn't care at all.

I'll only say one more thing about the rest of the night: I am SO LUCKY.


The next morning was equally as good as Saturday night had been. Ohh I'm a lucky girl!

Aaaanyway ... I texted Richard the next morning to get an update on Aden. I was shocked to find out they'd had to go to the hospital around one in the morning. Apparently Aden had a bad reaction to the steroid they'd given him, and they needed to head to the Children's Hospital. I don't know what happened there, but the problem was solved. But I was so angry that Richard didn't call me. If he had, even if I had not answered my phone, he could've left a message. But I had no message, no phone call, no text ... nothing. I was so mad. He was lucky Aden was fine and he was giving me an update -- it would've been much worse if he'd kept me in the dark, I'll tell you that!

C and L picked us up for work that morning, since they both had to work too. And we had another double-date type thing before work too! We all wanted Tim Hortons, so Work Guy bought us all breakfast. It was very sweet of him! No one's ever willingly spent that much on me before -- he paid for bus tickets (both from the mall and city transit), he paid for the movie, he paid for dinner, and he paid for breakfast -- and I gotta say, I LOVED it! I won't expect it often, of course ... but it certainly was nice!

When we got into work that morning, C and L started acting all non-coupley, as usual ... but Work Guy and I ... no way! We kept up with our hand-holding, and we snuck in kisses here and there. Not on the floor at work, of course, but in private! Woo! We don't care at all anymore if people see us kiss. We're a couple now, and that's that!


So that's my weekend for you all. OH! I forgot! I was in such an obvious good mood on Sunday, everyone noticed. One of my managers even said I looked like I had won a million dollars! I was with Work Guy when he said it, and we couldn't help but give each other a look when he said it. I'm quite sure that manager knows something now. But it doesn't matter ... he adores us both!

And, just in case you were wondering, Aden is doing fine. We find out tomorrow what's wrong with him. I went over there after work yesterday, and spent the day there today. He is back to his old self, aside from being a little hoarse. I'm eager to find out what's wrong, and I hope it's nothing that will require drastic measures.