Change of Plans

So things have changed, as I'm sure you've guessed, judging by the title of this post.

Boyfriend had a little ... breakdown of sorts yesterday. At this point I'm still not sure what sparked it all, but needless to say, I was freaking out ... as freaking out is what I do best. I cried for a little while before I realized that it was stupid and things would most likely be fine in the morning. I eventually got to sleep, and that was that.

And I was right, today started off in a better mood ... until ...

I found out that Boyfriend decided he has a decision to make, about moving in. The poor man has been so stressed lately (nearly 50 days in a row of work, and counting, will do that to a person), us not getting that place just was the last straw, I guess. Oh right, I didn't blog about not getting the place we thought we had. Yeah, turns out the landlord was a huge BITCH and rented the place out right from under us. Of course, we were all pissed, and it just made Boyfriend think things through again.

Long story short, as of now, Boyfriend's choice is to postpone moving in ... hopefully not inevitably. He is looking at two-bedroom places to keep all possibilities open. I'm going to continue staying with him on weekends and when I can, like we've been doing since March, and with the two bedrooms, Aden and I can go for sleepovers sometimes together! AND with the two bedrooms, it'll keep the possiblity open of moving in in a few months time, if Boyfriend wants that. I'm hoping he will, but I'll try not to push.

Basically, we've decided (or maybe ... he's decided) that we're going to stop rushing. The way he puts it, we've got our whole lives ... why rush it now? I agree. Yes, I'm disappointed that I have to stay in my dad's house for who knows how long, but I wouldn't want him to feel forced into living with me either. It's just better this way.

I'm keeping on my happy face!

The Way Life Is

Well, the house that will be ours has been delayed another week. We were supposed to sign the lease on Sunday, but that didn't happen. Luckily the place is still potentially ours, we just have to meet the landlord again on this upcoming Sunday, when we can pay the entire deposit and the rent for the remainder of the month. Then we can sign the lease and get the keys, and we can start moving stuff in that night! I've probably got my hopes up higher than they should be, but I'm quite sure that this landlord won't back out on us, and I'm quite sure the place will still be ours next weekend.

Moving in is going to be a long and tedious process though, that's for sure. If we could've started this week, it would've been much easier. Next week, though, not so much. We all work on different days and at different times of day, so there's never a day when we're all off together. Our one future roomie starts her exams next week, so she'll probably be studying when she's not working. It'll be most convenient for Boyfriend and I to start moving stuff, but neither of us have a vehicle (and I can't drive), so that's out of the question. I'm sure we can probably move some stuff there from our friend's house, with the help of her dad, but it won't be much. My stuff will be the most difficult to move, being that I'm from a different city. I don't want to ask my dad for help even though he's the one with a regular-sized truck -- though I'll most likely ask him to move Aden's bed for me -- so it's gonna be hard. Maybe if we get everyone's vehicles (three cars and a very small truck) we can do the important stuff in one trip, but I doubt we'll get it all.

Hopefully we can get it done in a week though, or most of it anyway, because Aden's dad and I agree that Aden shouldn't come until we're more settled in. We agreed that he'll come after a week, because at least we'll be mostly settled by then, but now his dad's saying no, we have to be completely settled in before he comes. Well ... I'll obvoiusly be lying to him about when I'm settled, considering I have lived in one place for a year and a half before and never really settled in. Whatever ... Aden will come after a week, regardless of his dad's opinion.

And speaking of his dad ... he's also got to realize that meeting halfway to pick up/drop off Aden just isn't going to work with everyone's schedules. He'll have to bring him all the way most of the time, and we'll bring him all the way home at other times. He'll just have to suck it up.



And on a completely different subject, my sister is being a huge bitch. Yeah, I said it. She is, once again, acting like she's so much better than me, basically. She was like this when Aden's dad and I first broke up, calling me stupid, pretty much telling me she knew better than me and I was being an idiot. Now she's doing it again, and it was provoked by nothing. She has this attitude like she's been through much more than I have, and like she's so much wiser and knows so much more about life and the world. I don't know where the hell this attitude comes from, though, because she is completely wrong. She hasn't been through nearly as much life as I have, and she doesn't know anything about the world. She's 18, and she's just graduating high school in a week. She's lived in a small town her entire life, and she's basically sheltered from quite a bit. I, on the other hand, am almost 22 and have been through a heck of a lot more than she has. I have no clue why she thinks she is so much wiser than me. It's incredibly annoying and frustrating.

She's actually trying to "ban" me from going to her grad that I'm already invited to. As much as I hate her right now, I still want to go, since it's my baby sister's grad, but if I can't go, I can't go.

She'll eventually realize she's not as smart as she apparently thinks she is, but in the mean time, she had better keep her effing opinions to herself, and OFF of my facebook wall for all to see.

Ugh.

Finally!

It's (almost) official -- we have a house! We looked at it on Sunday and it's basically ideal for our needs. Three bedrooms, one and a half bathrooms, cute little end townhouse ... perfect! The townhouse complex it's in is HUGE, so it's got quiet little streets where we can play and not worry. We've got a nice little deck in the back, so even though the backyards are all attached, that'll be nice for some privacy. There's enough room back there so Aden can play and have a good time too.

We're going to meet the landlord on Sunday so we can sign the lease and figure everything out, and then the soonest we'll be moving in is ... in like a week and a half! How exciting is that?! After all the searching and all the bad luck, we finally found some good luck. Excellent luck, even. We found a perfect place for an even better price and an awesome landlord -- nicest lady ever, seriously. Before we know it, we'll all be living together like one happy little family, me and my boyfriend and our besties and Aden ... how cute.

On a side note (pardon my pathetic girliness here), I miss Boyfriend, and I can't wait until we live together so I don't have to miss him during the week!

Garage Sale, etc.

I'll say it right now: I'm a packrat, and I'm not ashamed. Because of that, I HATE garage sales. Don't get me wrong, I'll gladly go to one and see if there's any useless thing I can buy, especially now that I'm house-hunting ... but I will NEVER have one of my own. At least, not at this point. I can't stand the thought of getting rid of things. Throwing it out, passing it on to someone else, selling it ... it doesn't matter, I DON'T like it.

My parents had a garage sale this weekend, for which they graciously accepted everyone else's stuff to sell. They are putting all the money from it towards MS, so they were totally willing to take everything they could. This included a whole bunch of Aden's past -- actually, huge chunks of it -- that his dad so pleasantly gave them. Needless to say, I was PISSED. I have told him so many times that I don't want to keep EVERYTHING, but there were specific things I DID want to keep. Mainly clothes (not all of them, just the best ones), his bouncy seat because my sister got it for him, and his mobile because my mom got it for him, and a few other things. Nothing big, nothing that would've been a huge inconvenience for him to give to ME instead of the garage sale ... but no no, of course it was too much to ask, and he couldn't LISTEN to my wishes.

I don't even want to ask what my parents sold that was Aden's. I know they had the crib and mattress, which I didn't want to keep anyway ... but I don't know what else actually went into it. This morning, I found out they opened a new toy for Aden to play with that he got for his birthday THREE months ago, and know what? Someone put it on a table and sold it. He got to play with it once. I bet he loved it too. It was a dinosaur toy -- he LOVES dinosaurs. And it's gone.

Okay, so the level of my packrat-ness is a little extreme, but still. Aden's dad KNOWS I want another kid someday, so I WANTED to keep some of Aden's stuff to pass on. But no, as his mother, I apparently get no choice. Why should I, right? I'm selfish and a horrible mother. At least ... if you ask him, I am.

Ugh ... I'm just sick of this. That jerk has GOT to stop upsetting me. It's pointless. He's just pissed that life isn't going the way he wants, and he's taking it out on me. He constantly texts me when he knows I'm gone on the weekends, and tries to make me feel bad, and then threatens my parenthood when I either don't reply, or don't have a ridiculously pleasant attitude when I text him back. Of COURSE I won't be pleasant when you're treating me like shit, jackass! Anyway ... he starts threatening my following week with Aden, saying he won't bring him by ... blah, blah, blah ... all because he's mad that I'm staying with my boyfriend that weekend. It's extremely annoying, and unnecessary.

It's got to end one day, right? He'll get over it eventually when he realizes, with the rest of the world, that it's not just a quickie and we're in it for the long run. REALLY. He can't hold this stupid grudge forever, can he?

Dammit ... so frustrated ...

Growing Up

So guess what came back? My baby fever. And it's back with a vengeance. It went away before the break up -- well, it went into hiding, anyway -- but now ... oh boy.

My parents are having a garage sale tomorrow, and Aden's dad is determined to put ALL of Aden's old baby stuff in there. I've been telling him basically since Day 1 that I'm NOT getting rid of all of it, because it's sentimental stuff to me now, and not only that, but I WILL have another baby someday. I said right from the start that I would, even if it wasn't with him. And now, my next baby won't be with him, but I still want to keep some of Aden's stuff! I don't want to hang onto all of it, and he knows that, but I do want some of it ... like the better clothes, and the special things my family got for him. I don't want the crib, none of the stuff we got second hand ... but the new things we had, I wanted to keep.

Anyway, when I was leaving for work last night, I saw Aden's old crib and mattress leaned up in the garage, waiting to be sold to someone on Saturday. I wanted to cry. I don't want to keep the crib -- we just got it for like $20 at a garage sale -- but still! It was Aden's for a year and a half, and now it'll just ... be gone. Don't get me wrong, it's going towards a good cause (all the money from the garage sale is going to the MS Walk), so I'm willing to sell SOME things, but it's an emotional thing to let go of that stuff! It wouldn't be so bad if I thought I'd have some things to hang on to, like the clothes and the things I wanted to keep from the start, but Aden's Dad is determined to get rid of ALL of it. I've asked him so many times to PLEASE not get rid of the clothes and some other things, but he keeps conveniently "forgetting" that and he's supposedly packed it all up together to be sold. I'm so upset about it.

I mean, I want to get some new things next time I have a baby, because it'll be a new baby from a new family ... not 100% Aden's younger brother or sister. It'll be part of something brand new, so it'll be good to have brand new things ... but still! There are some special things from Aden's past that I just ... don't want to go to some stranger! Maybe I'll ask my parents to please keep that stuff aside for me. They won't have to store it long, they know I'm planning to move. My parents don't necessarily understand my attachment to stuff -- I've always been a packrat and they don't get it -- but maybe they'll do this one thing. It's not like I'm asking to keep everything. Just one or two bins of baby stuff. No biggie, right?

Ugh ... time to move on ... that subject just upsets me to no end.


Anyway, after I saw that crib in the garage yesterday, baby fever just ... attacked. I mean, I think everyone who works on the baby side at my work gets baby fever now and then, and it's probably worse for some than it is for others ... and I definitely get it pretty bad sometimes ... but yesterday was like a whole new level of baby fever. The crib just started it all ... and then work made it worse. I swear, I have never seen so many babies under the age of, say, three months in one night. ESPECIALLY since it was a Thursday night and it was rainy out. It was insane how many newborns were around. And they did NOT help the situation. Luckily one of my besties was working on my side and I could talk to her about it. It was NOT an easy shift, and I have a feeling it's not going to get easier.

I know, I should just enjoy being a mom to one, enjoy the stage Aden's at, blah, blah, blah ... but you know, it's kind of hard to do that when I only get to see him half as much as I used to. It'd be kind of nice to have a little baby around to make the in-between times nicer ...

Ah! I've got to stop!

New subject anyone?


Houses! That's a good subject!

I've emailed people about ... let's see ... five different places now, and gotten three emails back. Two saying we can see the place (just waiting for another response from them to see when), and one saying the places has been rented (but he'll let me know if they back out). If I don't hear back from the first two today, I'll be calling them to set a time, hopefully this weekend, where we can see the places. And then hopefully we can get one of them!

I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but that's not easy. I have to get out of here, Boyfriend is getting kicked out of his places on Tuesday, or something, and our friends ... well they just want to do it. I just don't want to live here anymore. My parents are interfering with the way I want to parent, and I can't stand it. I know my friends won't do that, and if they do, I won't be scared to tell them back off. But my parents ... their way of getting in the way is just ... annoying. They don't straight up tell me what to do, but they make their opinions known and it just drives me bonkers. I have to get out of here before I lose it, pretty much. I need to feel like I'm a grown-up, and to do that, I need to get out from under my parents' roof!


I've just got so much on my mind lately ... so my apologies if half of my blog entries make no sense, or if I seem like I'm just rambling for the sake of rambling. This is the best way to get a lot of this shit off my chest lately!

Perfection

Look out guys, there could be a really cheesy, really sappy blog post ahead ... be prepared!

I had pretty much one of the best weekends I have had in a long time. I mean, my weekends tend to be pretty amazing these past couple months, but this one takes the cake. It was ... SO GOOD!

It basically started last Thursday, if you can believe it, with Boyfriend and I getting into a fight over facebook chat. I don't even remember what exactly brought on the fight, but I remember going to bed really upset and being unable to sleep for quite some time after. I HATE going to bed without resolving a fight -- you never end up having a good sleep, and you feel terrible the next morning. No fun at all.

Then on Friday, I only got to talk to Boyfriend for a few minutes during the day, because he has no phone, and I only get to wait until he comes online whenever he gets a chance when he's working at the law firm. So when we got that short chance during the day, we both apologized for our fight the night before, and he said he felt really bad, and he told me had a surprise for me for later. I was going to meet him and our friends at work that night, since they were all working and I wasn't.

When I got to the store around 7:30, I went to talk to our friend and she said that sure enough, Boyfriend had a surprise for me. I went and found Boyfriend and talked to him for a little while, until I found our other friend who was off at seven. He and I decided to go to Tim Hortons until the other two were done work, and on the way out, we ran into our manager. She said to me, "Did he get your thing from the thing?" Uh ... what? My friend knew what she was talking about, so he shooed me out of the store. I was just really confused by that point!

When it was finally nine, we went back through the store to wait for the other two to finish working. We waited in the vestebule and just talked, as usual. When they were finally done work, they came out, and there was Boyfriend with my surprise. He had a rose for me! How cute is that?! I was ecstatic! I have only ever gotten flowers twice in my life: the boyfriend I had at the time got me a bouquet when I graduated, and some family members got me flowers when Aden was born. So it was a really awesome surprise to just get one out of nowhere.

I guess everyone at work knew about it too. A couple people were going on about how sweet it was, and how jealous they were ... and that's what my manager was going on about when I had no clue what she was getting at. Unfortunately I had to leave it at my friends house, though, since we were going away on Sunday and the last time I was at home until Monday was on Friday! I'd love to see it all bloomed now ... but I guess not! Still, it was pretty much the sweetest surprise I could get.


On Saturday, the four of us went to look at our very first house together. We were so excited about it. It took awhile to find it, but once we did, we were ... well, disappointed, actually. It was a dump. The owners didn't even put any effort into fixing the place up at all. It was nasty. Obviously a no-go, but it was still exciting to go look at it together. Boyfriend and I had had another fight the previous night, but once again, we forgave each other when we went to see the house. We can't stay mad, and he knew I would fix the problem that caused that fight. In case anyone is wondering, I fixed the problem and we shouldn't have to fight about that again.


We all worked on Saturday and Sunday again, and then after work on Sunday, we took off to Edmonton for the night -- our first road trip as a group! We had such a good time -- no fights, no problems, no nothing. It was perfect. We spent the night in a creepy motel, but it was fun. We talked about how Boyfriend and I would snore, and our two buddies would do their things: talking and sleep-walking. Well, they didn't do theirs, but Boyfriend's snoring kept them up. I was thrilled to find out he had been snoring and I didn't even wake up! Usually he'll keep me up if I'm already awake, and sometimes I'll wake up, but not that night! That made me quite happy.

On Monday, we spent the day at West Edmonton Mall. We were all pretty broke, so we couldn't do much, but it was still awesome to spend time together without having to rush to get to work or anything.

We had to leave by five so we could be back in time to see another place at eight ... and guess what? IT WAS AWESOME. Cheap, new, close to transit for work, and just ... perfect. We're really hoping to get it, but I guess there are three other groups of people just as eager as we are. Our friend is going to bring them a deposit today, so hopefully HOPEFULLY it'll be ours. If we get it, we'll be moving in ONE WEEK. I'm so excited!


Yesterday was equally as awesome as the weekend was. The four of us took Aden to see Shrek, and I'm quite sure I love Boyfriend more than I did before.

While we were waiting to go into the theater, Aden seemed whiney and hungry, so Boyfriend offered to get some fries. Aden was thrilled. Boyfriend was eating his fries, and putting ketchup on them one at a time. Aden was fascinated by it and he wanted to do it too, so Boyfriend helped him. Aden would hold out a fry, and Boyfriend would put ketchup on them. It was quite possibly the cutest thing in the entire world. I died a little bit, pretty sure.

Aden was quite good for almost the whole movie. I don't know if he's ever been to one before, so I was pretty impressed. He got whiney about 20 or 30 minutes from the end, so we went for a walk to change his bum and he was all better. I felt like maybe Boyfriend and my friends were getting annoyed, but Boyfriend assured me he wasn't. Great guy, right?!

Afterwards, we sat around in the lobby waiting for someone to call us back, and Aden and Boyfriend ate some popcorn together. I decided to test Aden and ask him the names of my friends, and when it got to Boyfriend, he said "Daddy!" I was quite shocked after that. I expected him to do that eventually, but not on the second day they've ever met! He did it another time after that, and I still didn't know what to say. Boyfriend didn't seem bothered by it, though, which was a relief. In fact, he said he liked it. Neither of us WANT Aden to call him that, he just said it felt good to be called that. I already know he wants kids, so I know that was just a push in that direction even more. I will correct Aden when he calls him that, because I don't want him to ... but really, if he keeps doing it, there's nothing I can do. I really think it's just confusion because Boyfriend and Aden's dad have the same name. And if it's not, that's what I'm blaming it on anyway!


So my weekend was basically AMAZING, despite a couple fights between Boyfriend and I.

OH! And I'm very pleased to announce that Aden is kicking ass at potty training! He's had a few accidents, but overall, he's doing pretty good, even wearing undies! I'm one proud mommy!

The Bitterness of a Grouchy Ex-boyfriend

Right now, I'm getting more and more stressed and I'm afraid I'm just going to ... blow up. Everything is building up on top of everything else and nothing is getting solved. I have no outlet other than here, and I have a feeling it's going to end in disaster. Right now, I feel like I can't have everything I need, and I'm going to have to let go of something ... but I refuse to, and that's only adding to the stress. I'm so on edge, and I'm not sure how long it'll be before I have to dive off. Just when I think it's getting a little better and I can back up, something else happens that just pushes me closer. I do not handle stressful situations well, and that seems to be how it is lately -- just one stressful situation after the other, overlapping and getting worse and worse.

Aden's dad is really the mastermind behind it all. He gets mad about things he shouldn't even care or know about, and then he becomes vengeful and spiteful and just ... mean. He's on this kick lately of trying to get me to willingly leave Aden's life for good, and just leave them alone ... which obviously is not going to happen. He is also threatening to get child support from me, which he and I BOTH agreed we wouldn't do. He knows full well that I can't afford to do that, especially if life goes as planned, and I know he can't either. We were both in agreeance of that. But now, apparently that's changed. I think it's because I have been giving him around $400 per month to pay off my phone bill, and he NEEDS that money. Once I'm done paying him off (which will hopefully be after two more paycheques), he won't have that few hundred he uses to get by. He KNOWS damn well that I can't keep that up, yet he is set on screwing me over. I only leave myself with about $150, $200 a month, and I use every penny -- once I'm no longer living with my parents, I OBVIOUSLY can't live off $200 a month to my name, if he were to get child support. Besides, no court would ever let him do that -- I'm pretty sure the most he could get from me is one or two hundred a month, and that won't help him with shit.

Last night a lot went down that really sent me downhill, stress-wise. He began texting me asking when I'd be home, if I'd be home that night. I ALWAYS go home on Sundays, because Aden comes over Monday morning. I'm quite sure it's none of his business if I come home immediately after work -- as long as I'm home to greet Aden when he gets here, it shouldn't matter to him. But oh, it did. He texted me around ten o' clock asking if I was home, and I said no, but I would be. Did he leave it at that? Of course not. He began to call me irresponsible, telling me I'm a bad mother and things like that. All because I wasn't home at ten the night before Aden was coming over. He also told me he wouldn't be able to drive Aden over because his license is gone (long story) so he'd need me to pick him up. I explained that it's too cold to walk Aden across the highway at six in the morning, and he said he'd go in late until it warmed up, or he'd find another plan, and I'd talk to my parents and see if they could help me out in the future -- it was too late to text them that night. Was that good enough? Of course not. He asked again about an hour later if I was home, and I SORT OF lied and said I was falling asleep and that's why I wasn't immediately texting him back. Well, I WAS sort of falling asleep, but it was in my friend's car while we all sat there chatting. And know what he did after I told him that? HE TEXTED MY SISTER TO MAKE SURE I WAS TELLING THE TRUTH. Of course he found out then that I was not home, so he proceeded to again call me irresponsible, saying he wanted to take Aden away from me/get child support from me/generally screw me over in any way he can. What a delight he is, eh?

All of this, of course, went on to make Boyfriend quite upset, because I was constantly texting last night and not telling him what was happening -- he seems to get annoyed when I tell him those things, because he has told me he doesn't want to help me with legal stuff anymore ... so I avoid telling him while it's happening. I also didn't want to talk about it with our friends in the car, so I kept quiet. That all resulted in Boyfriend getting upset with me, and we left on bad terms, which is always frustrating. I couldn't quite figure out what had really pissed him off, though: the texting, me not saying anything, or the entire situation ... so I avoided asking. He doesn't like being confronted when he's upset anyway, so that was probably the better choice at the time. We've talked now, though, and he does seem less peeved.

But of course, Aden's dad refuses to back off. He's still threatening me with everything he can, though I don't think he'll follow through, and he's trying to tell me that my life is going to suck. He's convinced that when I go to live with Boyfriend and our besties, we won't be able to live. He thinks that we all make what I do, when in fact, I make the least of all of us. He thinks we're all going to continue working where we do, when in fact, we are not. Boyfriend graduates from college on Friday and he has a job lined up. One of our besties has a semester left of college and then she'll be working too. And our other bestie makes the most of all of us where we work, and he won't be there forever either, as he's already gone to college. As for me, I'm hoping to go to school before too long, and then I'll make more too. So screw his opinion -- we'll be FINE. Who knows, we might even be better off than that jerk. No, I'm quite sure we will be, eventually, if not now. He thinks he'll be filthy rich compared to us, living at his parents house and never affording anything good. Obviously we won't be able to afford luxuries, but I don't think we'll be as financially destitute as Aden's dad.

Anyway ... it all keeps building up and there's no stopping it. Aden's dad is behind it all, and he needs to back off. He can't take me to court for any of this, and he knows that -- they won't see me as the evil piece of shit he sees me as, because I'm not the evil piece of shit he thinks I am. All of his opinions of me are not backed up by anything but his own hatred -- he has no REAL reason to think the way he does about me, so he has no way to back it up. It's all just the bitterness of a grouchy ex. That's the only reason he thinks the way he does about me. He knows damn right that I'm not evil or irresponsible or a bad influence or a whore or anything else of the sort.

He needs to grow up and see the situation for what it really is.