Mother's Day

I know it's two days late, but HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all of you!

My third Mother's Day was nothing wonderful, but I expected that. Aden doesn't stay with me on weekends, so I wouldn't normally have seen him that day. I asked his dad to bring him over when I was off work, though, and he stayed overnight after that, so I did get to spend some time with him on that day.

Other than that, I didn't do much for it. I spent the night before at Boyfriend's house, and he made sure to give me a big kiss and a hug in the morning, because he knew I was bummed about not getting to see Aden until later. Oh, and one of my friend's moms said happy Mother's Day to me the day before, which pleased me quite a lot. I worked until after six the day of, and then I got to go home and see Aden. He (or actually, my sister) got me a cute picture frame that says "Super Mom" on it. I can't wait to print off a picture to put in it!

One day I'd really like to have a real kickass Mother's Day. We used to do things for my mom on Mother's Day -- I'm sure we gave her breakfast in bed at least a couple times, and we've gone for chinese food every year for the past few years. One day I hope I'm lucky enough to have a child/children that want to do something really special for me. Hell, I hope I deserve that one day! I always tried to make Father's Day really special for Aden's dad ... but he never really put effort into returning the gesture. He figured since I wasn't HIS mom, he didn't have to do anything ... but TO ALL THE DADS OUT THERE ... when your kid is just a baby, yeah, you DO have to do something for the mom! That's just how it works!

Ugh ... oh well. The dreadful day is over and it won't be back for another year.

The Weekend

The past weekend was good, as all weekends tend to be lately. At least, for the most part. Friday was exciting, Saturday was completely different, and Sunday was just good. Even Monday was something else.


I was looking forward to Friday for days, really. As it neared, though, I got more and more nervous. Boyfriend and one of our best friends were coming to meet Aden. I was so nervous that something, anything would go wrong. I was scared my family would say something or do something I wouldn't appreciate -- though the only ones here were my stepmom and my sister, and they wouldn't do that; I was scared Aden would be less than good, I was afraid of what might happen when Aden's dad came to get him -- Boyfriend tried to convince me that I was worrying over nothing, but I wasn't completely convinced. I'm a paranoid person, and I always worry about the little things.

He was right as usual, though -- I had nothing to worry about. They got there around eleven in the morning, which was okay, because since Aden slept in for two hours that morning (he stayed at my house overnight), he wouldn't need a nap that day ... at least not until after his dad picked him up. Anyway ... so they got there around eleven, and it went well from there. Aden wasn't even shy at all, like he tends to be lately. He warmed up to both of them right away. He even played with Boyfriend a little bit, which made me very happy.

Aden's dad came to pick him up at about quarter to two, and the day went a little downhill from there. I had Aden ready to go, as to avoid having his dad actually come in the house. He knew Boyfriend was coming that day, and I was NOT about to let anything happen. So when he arrived, I tried to shuffle Aden out the door as quickly as I could. Of course, he still had time to make a jackass comment, and he couldn't resist. He grabbed Aden and said, "Come on, buddy, let's go give you a bath," followed by even more of a jackass racist comment. It was expected, of course, but it still pissed me off. I said goodbye to Aden and slammed the door after they left. Luckily my stepmom and sister were gone already, so I was free to sulk. Instead of going back downstairs to Boyfriend and my friend, I went upstairs and slammed things around a bit. Boyfriend knows me well, though, and he didn't come and get in my way -- it's only been a couple months, and he already knows what I do when I'm mad.

When I came back down to clean up Aden's toys, they were both very quiet and wanted to know what was wrong. I had assumed they heard Aden's dad, so I didn't say anything. I cleaned up and I went in my room to get what I'd need for the weekend. Boyfriend came in and comforted me then, which did help. He told me not to worry about it, and he expected him to say something, like I did. I looked at him, and I couldn't focus, which was weird ... but that's part of another story!

So I'm happy to say that Friday went very well, aside from that one little flaw at the end ... but hey, what's one little thing? The main intention of the day was perfect, and that's all that matters.

However, I spent my entire four-hour shift that night trying to focus on things. I couldn't get my eyes to work properly, and I was dizzy for my whole shift. It was really weird, but I just shrugged it off. After work, the four of us (Boyfriend and I, and our two best friends) hung out at Boyfriend's house and watched movies. It was another one of those perfect nights.


Boyfriend and I woke up early on Saturday morning, as usual, and went to shower. We don't often shower together, but we decided to that day, thankfully.

My dizziness from the previous day had gone away after work, but towards the end of my shower, it came back. After Boyfriend got out, I began to feel like I was going to throw up, and I got dizzy again. So I turned off the water and I got out too. Boyfriend looked at me and I'm sure I looked horrible. He came over and held me and asked what was wrong. The nauseous feeling was gone, but I was very dizzy. I don't really remember what happened then. I just remember him holding me and then I was on the floor, while he asked what was wrong, or something. He later said that I had blacked out and fallen down. Luckily he was holding onto me, so it wasn't a hard fall. After that, though, I felt very dizzy and somewhat nauseous, and I was even paler than I normally am.

We had a near-arguement after that. He insisted that I go to the hospital, but all I wanted to do was go to work. I'm never eager to miss a full eight hour shift anymore -- I need those shifts. He was clearly very worried about me, though, and to be honest, I was worried too. I insisted it was just an iron deficiency thing, because it's pretty obvious I don't have enough iron ... but no, he was very adamant that I get it checked out. If it was an iron thing, I could get something for it ... and if it wasn't, well, I'd find out what it was. So I got a hold of our best friends, who were off that day, and they said they'd take me to the hospital so Boyfriend could go to work. If both Boyfriend and I didn't show up, the manager on Saturdays would have a cow. She always thinks we're conspiring against her, so she'd definitely think we were just skipping work to be together.

So our best friends came to my rescue, and Boyfriend went to work. I called into work and my manager insisted, just like I had, that it was just an iron deficiency, but I should see a doctor anyway. So instead of going to the hospital, we went to a walk-in clinic, which is what I wanted to do the entire time. We waited there for awhile, and then I saw a doctor. He looked in my ears and got me to shake my head. As it turns out, I've got fluid in my ears, and that's what's making me dizzy. He gave me some free samples of antibiotics, so I wouldn't have to spend money, and that was that. I was out of the doctor before my shift at work had even started. I didn't go to to work, though -- I didn't want to go there just to get dizzy and possibly black out again.

My two besties and I spent the day watching the first season of The Big Bang Theory until Boyfriend was off work, and then we just all hung out after that. I was beginning to feel less than good again, so we called it a night early.


The next day, Sunday, we all had to work. I didn't shower that morning, because Boyfriend went alone and to be honest, I was scared to go by myself. It was silly, of course, but hey ... that was the first time I'd ever blacked out. I didn't want that to happen again.

At work, I don't know how many times I had to explain my absence the previous day, since most of the Sunday people work Saturdays as well. I also don't know how many times someone asked if I was pregnant and I had to say that no, I'm not. Boyfriend said an awful lot of people asked him if I was too. I have a feeling we'll be explaining ourselves for quite awhile, and I have a feeling that most people won't even bother to ask ... they'll just assume that I am. Which is just GREAT. Gotta love rumors!

After work, we all hung out again. I was intending on coming back home that night, because Boyfriend was starting his practicum the next day and would have to be up early ... but to no one's surprise, I ended up staying the night on Sunday as well. I decided I could spend Monday with my besties again, and Boyfriend had no problem leaving me at his place until they were ready to hang out.


So on Monday, I did just that. I hung out by myself at Boyfriend's house until my friends were ready to do something around noon. As it turns out, though, that opened up a can of worms and Boyfriend now has to move out of his basement room by July. It's really got nothing to do with me -- I guess I sort of just pushed his roommate over the edge.

I don't know the full story, so I won't go into detail ... but yeah. I guess I'm not supposed to stay there anymore (which should really be none of his roommate's or his landlord's business), which is really going to suck ... but hey, we'll talk about that later.


OH! I forgot to mention: Aden's dad took it upon himself to get rid of Aden's gorgeous blonde locks. That's right, he shaved Aden's head. I'm okay with a buzz cut ... but he ended up with a pretty close shave. It doesn't suit him, and I don't like it. I can't wait until it grows back!

It's Winter ... Again

I can't believe how it looks outside! I'm pretty sure there's currently more snow on the ground than there was at any given time during all of winter -- the actual winter, not the several relapses we've had since "spring" started. It started snowing yetserday around, oh, nine ... and this is what it looked like at about eleven:



It wouldn't have been so bad if it stopped there, but no ... it just kept coming down. And not lightly either. The flakes got bigger and bigger, and came down faster and faster, and then the wind started to blow, which didn't help. It snowed well into the night, and this is what we woke up to:



Gross, isn't it?

I mean, it's not like snow in April is uncommon ... but on the twenty-ninth of April? We're far too close to May for this to feel right! I mean, only a week or two ago, it was up to like ... twenty five out there! That's like early summer temperatures! And now? It's winter. AGAIN.

My Best Friend's Wedding and Being Stubborn

On Saturday, my best friend got married. It was the best wedding I've ever been to, I think. Nothing went wrong, and aside from some nerves, it was a perfect day. At least I think so. I'm sure she would agree.

On Friday, the three of us (the bride, the bridesmaid, and myself) spent the day together. Blair, the bride, was extremely nervous, which is understandable. I was just more excited than anything, even though I was getting more and more nervous for the speech I'd have to give on Saturday. After all we got done on Friday, we actually got to bed at a decent hour. We were in bed by 10:30, and I'm happy to tell you that we all slept wonderfully.

On Saturday, we were up at 8 to go get our hair done! By the time it was all done, we were ALL very nervous, though I did my best not to show it, because I knew it wouldn't help Blair's nerves. After getting all ready to go, we left for the ceremony. I think all of our tummies were doing flip flops in the car. I'm happy to say, though, that we hadn't cried ... yet! Once we got to the hall, we were shuffled into a room off to the side ... and then the nerves REALLY kicked in. For the entire time before the wedding, Blair was not convinced that her husband-to-be was really there. Her aunt did her best to convince her of that, but Blair wasn't convinced. And then, a few minutes before the ceremony started, she heard him talking out in the hallway ... and then the waterworks began. She started crying, then I started crying, and both her mom and her bridesmaid had to look away so they wouldn't cry to. That was the first time we all cried together ... and it was not the last!

Finally, it was time for the walk down the aisle. I was only a little nervous for that part, mainly because I hate when people are watching me. I tried not to rush down, but I'm pretty sure I did. After I got down to the end, it was time for Blair, her mom, and her brother. I kept it together pretty good until they were almost to the end, when Blair let out a little gasp from crying. Then I broke down and the tears came again. I think I was tearing up through the whole ceremony, even though I tried to keep it together and not full out cry.

After the ceremony, I'm quite sure we all rushed back down the aisle. We were all pretty eager to get out of there! Then it was one of the things I was most scared for: the receiving line. There were a few people I was very excited to see, and one I was particularly nervous for. Luckily, though, it went well, and I even hugged my old best friend. I got hugs from everyone I haven't seen for at least 3 years, and it went very well.

From there, we all piled in the limo where I got some FANTASTIC pictures. We went to the zoo for pictures, and know what? As soon as we left in the limo, it started to rain, and that very quickly turned into SNOW. I'm SO glad it waited until after we left the zoo! We decided we were all STARVING, so we went to get hot dogs, fries, and milkshakes. HELL YEAH. Don't worry, though -- we covered Blair in napkins! After our bellies were all filled, we kinda just drove around the city in the limo, to waste time before the reception. And you know what? 3 out of the 6 of fell asleep! Yeah! First Blair fell asleep, then the groomsman fell asleep, then the best man. We are such party animals!

Finally, it was reception time ... and I was nervous as hell. Dinner and everything seemed to go way too fast, because then it was time for my speech. I was shaking so bad, and I'm quite sure half of my words didn't come out, but Blair understood it all, and we both bawled ... and that's all that really matters.

And then ... it was party time! We all had SO much fun, even Aden, who was extremely tired once all the speeches were done. I even danced with all my old friends, even the ones who had become enemies. It was overall an amazing night. I made some new friends and made things better with old ones ... it was just perfect! Blair had a good night too, I know it. Like I said, it was by far the best wedding I've ever been to!



In other news, Aden's dad is being a jerk. BIG SURPRISE.

Aden got sick yesterday, with the flu or something ... and his dad told me there was no way he'd bring Aden over here today. I offered to go over there instead, but no ... he would rather miss work AGAIN because he's so damn stubborn. He's going to end up losing his job because he's too stubborn to even LET me be a good mom. He's making me feel like a deadbeat parent, and he's making me look like I am one, but I realized that it's really not me ... it's HIM. He's actually preventing me from being a good mom, and it's making me look horrible. He has got to stop keeping Aden from me, withholding information from me, etc ... because it does not work out well. He's going to end up losing his job because he's so damn stubborn and then what?

Ugh ... I don't even what to get into that topic too much because it's only going to piss me off. Let's just say this has gotten way out of hand and I'm back to getting mad about it ALL the time.

Enjoy! :P

Just Thinkin'

I've been thinking a lot about the future lately. My life is finally going a way I like (aside, of course, from the whole messy "custody" battle thing), so it's really got me thinking more about ... later on in life. Like right now, I'm living at my dad's house. That is the first thing that's really got to change. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't like living here -- I love seeing my parents and my sister every day, they love seeing Aden as much as they have been, and Aden loves seeing them. But it's just not ... ideal. I don't get to see Aden as much as I'd like, and he doesn't get to stay overnight with me nearly enough. So my living situation is definitely the first change I'll be making in the future. And know what? I've already got plans to do it. Yeah, for once in my life, I'm making future plans. Look at me! I'm a grown-up! Well ... almost. Ha ha! Anyway, yeah, I'm making serious moving out plans, and I'm stoked about it. While I won't be living on my own (I just can't afford to), I will be living with people I definitely trust with me, and especially with Aden. I'll move to the city with three of the people I trust most, both with me and with Aden. They're all very accepting of Aden, so I know it will work out very well. We're hoping to get a place by the end of summer, so it's really not too far in the future!

So there's the moving out issue taken care of ... or at least, plans for moving out. From there, I don't really know what comes next. I think that I kind of want to go back to school. For what, I don't quite know yet, but I'm finally feeling like I want to DO something with my life. I have a job I love right now, and that's starting to show me that I really want a CAREER I love, that I can do forever. Work has shown me that, and even more so, Boyfriend has shown me that. He's about to finish college, and he's making me so proud -- I kind of want a reason for him to be proud of me too! And, of course, I want Aden to be proud of his mom. That's important too.

Do you want to know what I'd really sort of like to be? It's something I've considered on and off for probably my whole life, in one way or another ... and I'm back to considering it again. I'd really sort of like to be a journalist. What do you guys think? I mean ... judging by my writing on here, do you think that's something I could do? I know you can really leave comments in my blog -- I should really try and figure out why that doesn't work -- but you all would have your ways of telling me somewhere else. I could really use some opinions here!

Yeah, I've got a lot on my mind lately, regarding the future. I've never really thought about that stuff before, at least not as in depth as I have been lately. It's kind of scary to think about sometimes, but it's pretty exciting at the same time. See? This whole breaking up thing has sort of pushed me into growing up, and I actually want to. I love it.

Things Are Good Again ... For Now

So, I don't think I mentioned it in my last post, but Richard served me papers last week. He got mad and filed papers. Basically, they said nothing TOO unreasonable, so luckily, the situation didn't get TOO messy. I had plans to go to legal aid last week, so I could file my own papers and argue his claim, but after going over the papers, I realized I really had nothing to argue. He basically stated on them that every decision regarding Aden would go through us both, except for where he lives, which would be Richard's choice. Like I said in my previous post, I know this is only because of WHO I'll be living with, and probably because my financial situation is not as stable as Richard's. Fair enough, I think. And I'm choosing not to argue the current living situation, because well, I can't. As it is right now, Aden comes over Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays during the days, and if I ever wanted him on a weekend, he could come then too. He goes to a dayhome on Mondays and Thursdays, so he can socialize, and he stays with his dad every night, just because his room is there and he's got his own bed and stuff.

We've also both agreed that that living situation can and will change once I am able to move out of my dad's house ... and that when that day comes, we don't want to go and file papers to change it, unless we need to of course. Once I can move out into a place where Aden CAN have his own room, he'll be able to stay with me when work allows, and we can spend more weekends together and stuff. I'm already looking forward to it, even though that day won't be coming anytime in the forseeable future. Richard has even said he'll gladly drive Aden into the city (it's only about a 20 minute drive), where I've already told him I'll be living, as long as he doesn't ALWAYS have to (deal) and I can give him gas money (deal). He's said he'll never bring him to the door, just in case my boyfriend answers, which is fair enough, but he won't refuse to bring him over. So, I'm happy. Things are working out in my favor on that account, so I've got nothing to complain about! He still isn't comfortable, I'm sure, with my choice of boyfriend, but hopefully someday he'll realize that he's NOT a bad guy. I wouldn't endanger myself or Aden by being with someone I didn't trust, so of course I trust my boyfriend.

In case anyone was wondering, my boyfriend still hasn't met Aden. It's really hard for us to get together when we're not working beforehand, because we live in different cities and we don't drive. So luckily, we are able to take the Aden situation very slow. I know he'll love Aden when he meets him, and that won't put a strain on our relationship -- if it hasn't already, it won't. But still, I'm glad we can't rush it. It's kind of nice having those two parts of my life seperate for now. Don't get me wrong ... I WANT them to meet, and I look forward to the day that they can ... but it's still probably good that they haven't yet. And don't worry. Even once they do get to meet, I won't be all ... coupley in front of Aden. I would feel ... strange doing that. I plan on slowly introducing the boyfriend into his life, so he won't resent him. I'm aware Aden's only two, so he can't automatically hate the guy ... but I'm sure he could still have less-than-happy feelings towards him.

Anyway ... rambling.

Overall, I'm content again. Hopefully it'll last this time, and Richard won't freak out again for any reason. He finally seems to be accepting the fact that I really am happy with someone else, despite the fact that Richard is a racist jerk. He's not comfortable with it, by any means, but he doesn't want the two of us to be miserable anymore. He wants Aden to be happy, and he finally seemst to be realizing that in order for that to keep happening, he can't go making MY life a living hell.

Hopefully the non-complaining can stick for awhile. I don't like having a million things to complain about! I'd much rather type out a short blog post than ramble on and on about how miserable I am!


OH! I've told you all about the one chick at work who was my enemy right? The one who was technically my boss and LOVED it? WELL she and I are no longer enemies. As it turns out, she was thriving on my dissatisfaction with my life, and she was only making it worse. Now, she sees that I'm happy and that I'm actually capable of being good at my job, and she and I have actually gotten very close. It's strange ... I actually sort of look forward to working with her. I love it!

Yep ... life is good!

An Itty Bitty Update

Things are basically all over the place right now. There's the Aden/Richard situation, the "Work Guy" situation, and there's work -- three completely different things to talk about today!


First of all, Richard. Ah, what a delight that man is ... um ... not so much. He keeps getting very angry whenever he finds out I've gone out with my friends and stayed with my boyfriend on the weekends ... and when that happens, he begins to lash out and start making unnecessary decisions. This weekend, he took things way too far. I stayed in the city twice this weekend -- Friday night and Sunday night -- and he did NOT like that. He started threatening to take me to court and make it so I can NEVER have Aden overnight, even once I am able to move out of my dad's house. Mainly, this is because he assumes I will be living with my boyfriend, and because he's not white, Richard can't stand it. The way he puts it, he doesn't want someone "like that" to be raising his child. Uh ... stop right there, buddy, cause whoever I'm with will NOT have a huge hand in raising my son -- I already know that, and my boyfriend agrees with me. Richard and I will always be the only ones raising Aden -- that won't change depending on who I'm with. It doesn't work that way.

Anyway ... yeah. He told me he's taking me to court and he's going to make it so I HAVE to go on meds for bi-polar (which I haven't even been diagnosed for, by the way), and so I have no choice in where Aden lives. He wants it to always be HIS choice, which means he will never get to live with me. I'll get him on weekdays during the day, just like I do now, and that is NOT what I want. He's even keeping Aden from me until we get to go to court. Um ... yeah. I have been begging him since yesterday to bring Aden over at LEAST one day this week, because I am not going to wait until we go to court to see my son. Hell, I don't even want this to go to court! And as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't have to. He wants to make it messy and a huge inconvenience to me. Basically, he wants to make my life miserable. He wants to stop me from being with my boyfriend, mainly because he's extremely racist. It's EXTREMELY frustrating!!

He's trying to tell me I'm a horrible mother, because I go out and enjoy myself when Aden's schedule allows. Just to be clear, I DON'T leave town when I know Aden is coming over the next day. My friends and my boyfriend would love to spend more time together, but I tell them I can't, except on weekends or the days Aden goes to the day home. And they're fine with that. They obviously aren't going through the same shit I am, but they are trying to be very understanding of the situation. They know Aden is my life and that even though I spend a lot of time with them now, he still comes first. Richard and my family don't see it that way, of course, but that's too bad for them. I know how I feel and I know what I'm doing. I'm not going to be like Richard and sit and home getting angry about everything when Aden isn't coming over -- I am just enjoying the time I have where "Mom" is not my number one job! Is there anything wrong with that? No, I don't think there is.


Which leads me to my next point: my boyfriend. I'm pretty much falling in love with the guy more every day! All of the drama with Richard really started happening while I was over there yesterday, and I always get scared when things get like that ... because I really don't know how much my man can take. I'm always afraid he'll get sick of all the drama in my life and he'll decide it's not worth it. But no, it's completely opposite of that. He tries to comfort me through it, and you know what? He's SUCH a big help. He's in school right now to be a legal assistant, so he knows plenty about family law. He has been telling me about all this stuff I didn't know about before, so now, I know exactly what Richard and I can do without going to court. Richard and I both want it to be as clean as it can, and now, because of my brilliant boyfriend, I know exactly how to do that. HA!

Anyway, my lovely boyfriend is so on board still. He still wants to do all we can to make it so everything is good. I feel like I've been dragging him through the mud with all this drama, but he's still here. That's saying something! He used to be scared of commitment and all that typical stuff ... but with me, he's not. He's ready for so much, and I love him for it. He's ready to deal with all the drama that I'll no doubt be dealing with forever, and I'm so glad to have him there with me for all of it. I can guarantee that I would not be handling all of this so well if I didn't have him. I'd probably be a wreck.

And not to mention my amazing friends! Our two best friends -- I've referred to them before as C and L, I believe -- have been so amazing through all of this. They were there yesterday when all the bull shit started, and they stuck by me. I haven't had friends this good since high school, and since those basterds all ditched me when I was pregnant, I guess you could say that C and L are the best friends I've had EVER! I love those two so much ... I can honestly say I think we'll all be close forEVER!


What else ... oh yeah ... WORK! Work is going AMAZINGLY! I can safely say that Sunday was BY FAR the best shift I've ever had at work, and NOT because I worked with my best friends and my boyfriend! That's a first! At work, we have to sell protection plans. Until a few months ago, this was not something I liked doing. I felt horrible doing it. But now, I'm ... good. I wouldn't say I'm great at it, but I do enough to keep my job. On Sunday, however, I did a kick-ass job! I sold the most in the store that day! HELL YEAH! And the result of that is getting more shifts! WOO!


That's pretty much it. Enjoy!